Author Topic: When Will I Be Able To Somewhat Move On? (Read 3122 times)

bill440cars · « **on:** July 25, 2009, 10:41:35 PM »

It's been almost a month now, and I am finding myself looking at her chair and missing Brenda not being there. I look at her picture and it still seems like it's been just a bad nightmare and that I should wake up and she will be there like she has been for all the time before July 1.
Can anyone tell me (at least) about how long it is going to take before I can mostly remember the good times and not miss her so terribly much? I HAVE gotten to where I can talk motorcycles and check out some stuff on ebay, but then I end up having a problem all over again. Maybe another reason it's giving me a problem still, is because I went through the paperwork at Bost (Friday) to terminate Brenda's employment at Bost, I don't know. Or maybe it's because of the time that has gone by and I'm trying to back time up, to try to get more time with her. Damn!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, I just seem to be having a bit of a problem and I know that you all said to talk when ever I needed to, but I didn't really want to spill this out and even turned off the pc only to turn it back on because I really needed to unload and now, I'm going to go because my eyes are wet

coldright · « **Reply #1 on:** July 25, 2009, 10:45:53 PM »

It's going to take a very long time. I'm sorry that it's so difficult for you right now. Do you have some favorite music to listen to right now? It might be soothing to listen and let your mind go.

tramp · « **Reply #2 on:** July 26, 2009, 05:45:18 AM »

the deeper the bond
the longer the time
remember the good times
but try not to let them cloud what you need to do now

bill440cars · « **Reply #3 on:** July 26, 2009, 06:01:48 AM »

Quote from: tramp on July 26, 2009, 05:45:18 AM

the deeper the bond
the longer the time
remember the good times
but try not to let them cloud what you need to do now

No truer words have been said and OUR bond WAS very deep.
Seems like my MAIN Project for now, is "Recovery". Sometimes lately though, when I talk motorcycles, I get uneasy and wonder if anyone is thinking that I am forgetting that I have lost a mighty valuable part of my life and I could NEVER do that.

I can never thank you and the others who have 'Been There', through this time in my life I DO appreciate it. It helps!!!!!!!

Take care, Bill

CaféElite · « **Reply #4 on:** July 26, 2009, 06:58:25 AM »

Im not sure about a wife by my brother has been gone for almost three years and it is still very hard on my mom. I think people are all a bit different in this area and like mentioned it really comes down to how close you two were. I dont think anyone that you know cares for you would ever question your loyality and if they did then you dont need them around during this time anyways.

Is there any projects that she like or was involved in that you could get involved in and make better? By helping out an area she enjoyed might assist you in help you with your loss.

Just remember there is still a world spinning out here that has plenty of stuff for you to explore and learn about. Staying busy mentally and physically is probably pretty key.

bill440cars · « **Reply #5 on:** July 26, 2009, 07:27:18 AM »

Quote from: CaféElite on July 26, 2009, 06:58:25 AM

Im not sure about a wife by my brother has been gone for almost three years and it is still very hard on my mom. I think people are all a bit different in this area and like mentioned it really comes down to how close you two were. I dont think anyone that you know cares for you would ever question your loyality and if they did then you dont need them around during this time anyways.

Is there any projects that she like or was involved in that you could get involved in and make better? By helping out an area she enjoyed might assist you in help you with your loss.

Just remember there is still a world spinning out here that has plenty of stuff for you to explore and learn about. Staying busy mentally and physically is probably pretty key.

Yeah, some folks take things like this differently and my Wife helped me to get through others passing (Mom, Sister and others), but now, SHE'S the one who's gone and my Daughter is really trying, but it's really hard for me (I'm trying to handle this as best as I can, to try to keep HER from having a problem with it as well.

We were doing the thing with Bost, by working with "Special Needs Folks" and I'm still doing that! My "thing" with motorcycles has always keep me in mind with my Granddad and that's what I'm trying to get back to (along with getting my Dad involved with, as soon as I can, because Dad is starting to get restless again about not being able to do much. Brenda was concerned about him, as well. Hoping I can get some of the details of this wrapped up soon, so we (Karla, Dad, James/who lives with us/ and I can get back to some sort of a less complicated life, like Brenda would want.

Thank you for your thoughts and concerns, Bill

Uncle Ernie · « **Reply #6 on:** July 26, 2009, 07:55:12 AM »

One of the first things I learned was that punching things REALLY HURTS your hands.

The insides are twisted with pain and angst and your brain is making time stand still while you constantly wish it was tomorrow and next year so you could maybe just forgo a little of the damn constant hurt and sometimes you think maybe you're going crazy and who would find a shriveled raison of a former man until the stink got too bad for the neighbors to stand while your heart yearns to love and be loved again.

And then it's the same the next day.
Yell, cry, remember and smile, then cry because you're smiling. Talk to God and yell at him, too. How could a loving God let something like this happen?! Curse at him and yourself for being such a weenie and scared and confused and sad sad sad DAMMIT!

During this time, please just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Try to eat something semi-healty like a carrot or something. Drink some water because crying really dehydrates you. I think after a few months it will start to get a little easier.

754 · « **Reply #7 on:** July 26, 2009, 08:28:29 AM »

Bill, I know this will be rough times, and it will never totally go away.
You have to get yourself in the frame of mind that you WILL get through and keep going.

Sometimes if its possible, be good to get away a few days, to somewhere you have never been with no memories attached, and just see something different.

I know most folks dont need a new (another)hobby but, sometimes getting into something new, can be very consuming & interesting.. and get you mind on other things for a while.

Trying to help you out here, hope you are taking care of yourself physically as well. (I have to force myself to do that, riding my vintage balloon tire bikes.. its a love/hate thing.. cant stand the uphills going home, but feels so good whren you are done!)

Our thoughts are with you Bill.

kghost · « **Reply #8 on:** July 26, 2009, 09:55:55 AM »

Hey Bill,

Got your PM....so I logged on to share my thoughts.

Not that they are worth a whole lot....

Lets be honest......a person never gets over the kind of loss your experiencing

You can't and you don't have to. Its a loss.

What you DO have to do is keep on living.

Some days its getting out of bed, showering and putting your shoes on.

I think your on the right track with a project......

A bit of work and some creative expression has always been an outlet for me.

It fills the time in a good way and creating something is good for the soul.

Pulling for ya.

Tim.

Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er · « **Reply #9 on:** July 26, 2009, 10:21:33 AM »

Hey Bill,

Glad things are progressing but it's going to take time buddy. You're always going to have your memories, good and bad. Thats the best part. But it's going to take some time for the grieving to subside unfortunately. Hang in and try to find things to occupy yourself. Old things are good because you're comfortable with doing those however they probably involved Brenda and you're going to grieve doing those. Perhaps find new adventures. Things you've always wanted to do but haven't. Open your mind and find new things you'd never have been interested in before. Don't ask yourself why, rather ask yourself why not! After all you are starting a new life.

We're always here for you. Have you been to Colorado?!

Jerry

bill440cars · « **Reply #10 on:** July 26, 2009, 05:13:28 PM »

Quote from: Uncle Ernie on July 26, 2009, 07:55:12 AM

One of the first things I learned was that punching things REALLY HURTS your hands.

The insides are twisted with pain and angst and your brain is making time stand still while you constantly wish it was tomorrow and next year so you could maybe just forgo a little of the damn constant hurt and sometimes you think maybe you're going crazy and who would find a shriveled raison of a former man until the stink got too bad for the neighbors to stand while your heart yearns to love and be loved again.

And then it's the same the next day.
Yell, cry, remember and smile, then cry because you're smiling. Talk to God and yell at him, too. How could a loving God let something like this happen?! Curse at him and yourself for being such a weenie and scared and confused and sad sad sad DAMMIT!

During this time, please just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Try to eat something semi-healty like a carrot or something. Drink some water because crying really dehydrates you. I think after a few months it will start to get a little easier.

You know, Brenda had told me for quite a bit now, that the Lord was coming back and take us HOME soon, Then my Mom died. She kept on with that thought, then my Sister AND Brenda's Dad died (she never got over THAT either). But Brenda kept on and, next thing I knew, Brenda was gone! She was one of a kind and I was very fortunate to have had her. I seem to be going through nearly all that you have said, Uncle! Except, I have not been yelling at anyone, much less God. I'm just trying to work through things, trying to get to the part where I remember the good times and not the times that I really miss her. Like I have said, I think I'm really having more of a problem recently because this coming Wednesday will be One Month that she's been gone. Karla and I have been spending time going out to eat and doing things here at the house. I am doing what I can and Karla has been calling people, taking it upon herself to take care of the "Thank You Notes" and things like that. Seems like nearly everyday, I feel exhausted (not getting enough sleep at night), sit down in my recliner and next thing I know, I'm waking up Or Karla is waking me up (several hours later).
I AM working on trying to wind down so I can get my sleep at night.

Thank you for your support and concern, (Nephew) Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #11 on:** July 26, 2009, 05:20:09 PM »

Quote from: 754 on July 26, 2009, 08:28:29 AM

Bill, I know this will be rough times, and it will never totally go away.
You have to get yourself in the frame of mind that you WILL get through and keep going.

Sometimes if its possible, be good to get away a few days, to somewhere you have never been with no memories attached, and just see something different.

I know most folks dont need a new (another)hobby but, sometimes getting into something new, can be very consuming & interesting.. and get you mind on other things for a while.

Trying to help you out here, hope you are taking care of yourself physically as well. (I have to force myself to do that, riding my vintage balloon tire bikes.. its a love/hate thing.. cant stand the uphills going home, but feels so good whren you are done!)

Our thoughts are with you Bill.

Appreciate your thoughts and concerns Frank. The thing I love to do most (on my own) has to do with Muscle, Custom and Vintage cars, along with Motorcycles. Now, I can't afford the car route, so I go to nearly ANY car show that I hear of. This leaves motorcycles and I AM TRYING to get to where I can fool with them and get something accomplished.

I DO know that you, like the others, are trying to help and I am VERY GRATEFUL for that.

Thank you Frank, Bill

Also, I forgot to say that it is nearly impossible for me to get completely away for a few days. You see, I have to check my Dad's blood sugar and give him his insulin shot everyday, except in an emergency situation. I have my Daughter, that I would need to make arrangements for. Then I have the youngman who lives with us and I work with him along with another youngman who I also work with, Kinda got a pretty tight schedule. I CAN make arrangements now and then, for some, but all at the same time, would be pretty tight.

bill440cars · « **Reply #12 on:** July 26, 2009, 05:28:09 PM »

Quote from: kghost on July 26, 2009, 09:55:55 AM

Hey Bill,

Got your PM....so I logged on to share my thoughts.

Not that they are worth a whole lot....

Lets be honest......a person never gets over the kind of loss your experiencing

You can't and you don't have to. Its a loss.

What you DO have to do is keep on living.

Some days its getting out of bed, showering and putting your shoes on.

I think your on the right track with a project......

A bit of work and some creative expression has always been an outlet for me.

It fills the time in a good way and creating something is good for the soul.

Pulling for ya.

Tim.

Thank you for that, Tim. I just didn't want to seem like I was just lying around in self pity and yet, I wanted to give it a respectable amount of time and I usually have an idea how much time that might be (at least approximately anyway) and THIS time, I have no idea.

The one thing that I DO KNOW is that messing with motorcycles, puts me to where I feel a connection with my Granddad and THAT makes me feel GOOD!

Take care Tim, and thank you for YOUR support and thoughts, Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #13 on:** July 26, 2009, 05:39:08 PM »

Quote from: Jerry Rxman Griffin on July 26, 2009, 10:21:33 AM

Hey Bill,

Glad things are progressing but it's going to take time buddy. You're always going to have your memories, good and bad. Thats the best part. But it's going to take some time for the grieving to subside unfortunately. Hang in and try to find things to occupy yourself. Old things are good because you're comfortable with doing those however they probably involved Brenda and you're going to grieve doing those. Perhaps find new adventures. Things you've always wanted to do but haven't. Open your mind and find new things you'd never have been interested in before. Don't ask yourself why, rather ask yourself why not! After all you are starting a new life.

We're always here for you. Have you been to Colorado?!

Jerry

My main interests besides my Family, are Motorcycles and cars.
Messing with the motorcycles gives me a connection with my Granddad and my Dad.

I have only been up to Boulder Dam and that's been years ago (1966).

Now, if THAT doesn't show my age, I don't know what would.

I know that there are several f you all up there in Colorado and I AM going to try to swing a trip to California so my Dad (and I) can see a couple of cousins that are around my Dad's age and maybe we could detour, I don't know. Also planning to make it to the Barber Museum in Oct with my Dad as well.

ofreen · « **Reply #14 on:** July 26, 2009, 05:50:49 PM »

Quote from: bill440cars on July 26, 2009, 06:01:48 AM

No truer words have been said and OUR bond WAS very deep.
Seems like my MAIN Project for now, is "Recovery". Sometimes lately though, when I talk motorcycles, I get uneasy and wonder if anyone is thinking that I am forgetting that I have lost a mighty valuable part of my life and I could NEVER do that.

Take care, Bill

Bill, life goes on, don't ever feel like you haven't grieved enough or worry what someone else might think about it. The depth of your feeling is obvious. From the way you described Brenda, there is no question that she wants you to not hurt so much. Try to remember that when you are feeling low.

Regards,

Greg

bill440cars · « **Reply #15 on:** July 26, 2009, 07:05:28 PM »

Quote from: ofreen on July 26, 2009, 05:50:49 PM

Quote from: bill440cars on July 26, 2009, 06:01:48 AM

No truer words have been said and OUR bond WAS very deep.
Seems like my MAIN Project for now, is "Recovery". Sometimes lately though, when I talk motorcycles, I get uneasy and wonder if anyone is thinking that I am forgetting that I have lost a mighty valuable part of my life and I could NEVER do that.

Take care, Bill

Bill, life goes on, don't ever feel like you haven't grieved enough or worry what someone else might think about it. The depth of your feeling is obvious. From the way you described Brenda, there is no question that she wants you to not hurt so much. Try to remember that when you are feeling low.

Regards,

Greg

Thank you for those words Greg. I HAVE to get through this, that's a fact. I know that I just have to do the best I can, as I can.

Oh Yes, my feelings for Brenda go mighty deep alright. There were numerous times that she could start a sentence AND I would finish it (or vise versa). I know that I have to just keep on going, but there sure wasn't anything preparing me for THIS.

Jay B · « **Reply #16 on:** July 26, 2009, 07:19:24 PM »

Hey Bill, my good friend, I have never lost a spouse, I couldn't imagine. As you know, my son died about 2-1/2 years ago, there isn't a minute that goes by without thinking of him. You don't so much as "move on" but eventually you accept life the way it is now. Tinker with your bikes a bit, go out and have a bite to eat, whatever. It takes time my friend. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it helps the wounded to live with them. Hang tough Bro.

Hush · « **Reply #17 on:** July 26, 2009, 09:15:52 PM »

Good advice Jay B, time as they say seriously "is" the great healer, the pain lessens and you are left with the good thoughts, the times you really enjoyed with the missing person in your life.
I think of my late brother and sister everyday, not consciously, they just kinda pop into your thoughts.
Something will trigger a memory and you will find yourself smiling, everyone else will think you've wigged out but hey that's OK.
Happens all the time to me, makes me grateful for the days I have, the experiences I will enjoy.
Time Bill, it probably means diddly squat to you now but look back in years to come and you will see how true it all is.
In the mean time, wrench your bike, walk, take yourself out for a coffee, visit friends and relatives you've been meaning to for ages, "walk gently through life and don't miss a thing".

bill440cars · « **Reply #18 on:** July 26, 2009, 10:00:05 PM »

Jay and Hush, I'm doing better today (and I'd better say, for the time being) and have been doing okay today. Karla and I went to get my Dad this afternoon went to a resturant for an early supper, had some time with him and took him back to his apartment before heading back home. Before I left him though, Dad and I talked and he told me that he knew what I was going through. He said, "I've been there and done that and it just takes time". He also said that, you go through the times that you think she's just not there (out somewhere) but will be back soon and, as rime goes on, you realize that she's not coming back and yet, you STILL have to go on (but alone)." Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I've heard most of my Dad's words if wisdom before.

I am SO fortunate to have my family (my Daughter, my Dad, Bost workers: Sarah, Ben and Aaron AND YOU ALL) to support me in my time of need. You ALL have been SO Helpful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

754 · « **Reply #19 on:** July 26, 2009, 10:35:56 PM »

Bill, the time to take your Dad visiting is SOONER..
not..Later..

See if you can make it happen..

and dont make me send you a Whizzer motor with a bad crank, just to get you all excited..

bill440cars · « **Reply #20 on:** July 27, 2009, 04:34:05 AM »

Quote from: 754 on July 26, 2009, 10:35:56 PM

Bill, the time to take your Dad visiting is SOONER..
not..Later..

See if you can make it happen..

and dont make me send you a Whizzer motor with a bad crank, just to get you all excited..

Oh NOOOOOOooooo!!!!! MR. Frank, DOn't Do THAaaaatt!!!!

NOT The 'Whizzer Motor with a BAD Crank!!!!!!!!

;)I'm working on getting that done, cause (as we ALL know, we don't have ANY idea how much longer WE have).

Thanks Frank, Bill

BTW, I'm still doing okay.

bill440cars · « **Reply #21 on:** July 28, 2009, 04:16:20 PM »

Well all, I have been doing somewhat better. Still have thoughts, but not as bad of a reaction.

Still have things pop up though (job related things, that should not be). For one, the the "Special Ed teacher" that both boys (that I work with) had, along with Karla. Brenda had several run-ins with This teacher Karla doesn't like her and both boys had problems with her as well. I've had MY share of problems with her, because of the main young man that I work with also. But, just the fact that Brenda had problems with her, is enough reason for ME not to want anything to do with her. She claims that she doesn't want to take anytime away from me or a young lady, who works
with the other young man. So, she starts out with just a few hours (enough to get on the books. Then, today, this woman calls both of us and is asking questions about OUR schedules with him and tells the you woman that she just doesn't see that a few hours like she presently has, will be worth it. "Did you catch the part where she doesn't want to take any away from us?" AND yet, she's complaining that she isn't getting much.

What an idiot!!!!!!!!

Then, I needed to go by Bost and get some info on filling out our paper work (you see, Brenda did ALL of the paperwork and keeping up with the hours and mileage). While I was there, I found out that the youngman (who lives with me and that I work mainly with)'s mother is trying to get hired by BOST, so she can work with her son and (knowing her, along with her history), I can not believe she is up to any good. Brenda called her the "Teflon Moron!" Nothing that she does (which is mostly wrong), sticks to her, it just seems to slide right off.

Brief History (numerous tickets/speeding seatbelts etc/, drugs, delinquincy to a minor, several arrests, messy divorce with 4 kids also involved her lesbian affair, Accident trying to cross a major hwy with no light and cause her and 4 kids to go to the emergency room putting 3 of them in the hospital /and she crossed over a road that had a traffic light on the main hwy also/, Her oldest daughter got raped by a drunk that mother had her drive home from a party that mother held Child services was called on her more than once) Now, would YOU want her to have anything to do with YOUR child? I sure hope not.

I plan to stick out BOTH situations as long as humanly possible. But, if it get too screwed up, I hope to have a good amount of our bills paid off and, if things work out like I expect (my financial situation), I could very likely let them have the whole nine yards, take my Dad, my Daughter (if she doesn't decide to do "Alternate Living" again, she like's it up here and the workers she has.) and myself and "Go To The Lake". Just leave the whole mess behind us! I would hate to do that, but, gotta look out for myself as well. I can not wait to get this ALL behind me, so I can concentrate more on Karla, my Dad and 'My Lady" who waits in heaven.

bucky katt · « **Reply #22 on:** July 28, 2009, 06:09:03 PM »

Quote from: Uncle Ernie on July 26, 2009, 07:55:12 AM

One of the first things I learned was that punching things REALLY HURTS your hands.

The insides are twisted with pain and angst and your brain is making time stand still while you constantly wish it was tomorrow and next year so you could maybe just forgo a little of the damn constant hurt and sometimes you think maybe you're going crazy and who would find a shriveled raison of a former man until the stink got too bad for the neighbors to stand while your heart yearns to love and be loved again.

And then it's the same the next day.
Yell, cry, remember and smile, then cry because you're smiling. Talk to God and yell at him, too. How could a loving God let something like this happen?! Curse at him and yourself for being such a weenie and scared and confused and sad sad sad DAMMIT!

During this time, please just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Try to eat something semi-healty like a carrot or something. Drink some water because crying really dehydrates you. I think after a few months it will start to get a little easier.

i couldnt have explained it better myself! thats how i felt when i lost my mom 3 1/2 years ago. hurts like hell especially when you break bones in your hand.

bill440cars · « **Reply #23 on:** July 28, 2009, 07:41:57 PM »

Quote from: bucky katt on July 28, 2009, 06:09:03 PM

Quote from: Uncle Ernie on July 26, 2009, 07:55:12 AM
One of the first things I learned was that punching things REALLY HURTS your hands.

The insides are twisted with pain and angst and your brain is making time stand still while you constantly wish it was tomorrow and next year so you could maybe just forgo a little of the damn constant hurt and sometimes you think maybe you're going crazy and who would find a shriveled raison of a former man until the stink got too bad for the neighbors to stand while your heart yearns to love and be loved again.

And then it's the same the next day.
Yell, cry, remember and smile, then cry because you're smiling. Talk to God and yell at him, too. How could a loving God let something like this happen?! Curse at him and yourself for being such a weenie and scared and confused and sad sad sad DAMMIT!

During this time, please just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Try to eat something semi-healty like a carrot or something. Drink some water because crying really dehydrates you. I think after a few months it will start to get a little easier.

i couldnt have explained it better myself! thats how i felt when i lost my mom 3 1/2 years ago. hurts like hell especially when you break bones in your hand.

Yeah Jeff, The "Uncle" has a way of pitting things. like no other. I lost MY Mom in 2002 and I was hurting then, as well (not from breaking bones in my hand though, bet that hurt Jeff

) But, Brenda and Margaret (my Sister) helped me through that time (and then a year later, Sis died!

). Brenda helped me through that one too. Now, when Brenda's Dad died in 2003, I tried to help her through that time, but she was devastated. I think I helped some, but not sure how much, as she never really gor over her Dad's death. $:-\$ Just last Father's Day, I noticed her wiping at her eyes and acted like I didn't notice. She liked her private times and I understood and respected that.

In the words of a Marty Robbins song:

MY WOMAN, MY WOMAN, MY WIFE!

$:-\$

You know, I NEVER realized just how many songs I would hear, that would have a line or so, that would have an effect on me and the way I am feeling.

Caaveman82 · « **Reply #24 on:** July 28, 2009, 07:52:09 PM »

Bill,

Hang in there brother. One day at a time man, one day at a time. That's all we can do. I feel for you Bill I really really do. I have never lost anyone as close to me as a spouse but I have lost a lot of people and even now, 2, 5, 7, 12, 20, years later I still get sad about their passing. It takes time.

bill440cars · « **Reply #25 on:** July 29, 2009, 03:49:03 AM »

Quote from: Caaveman82 on July 28, 2009, 07:52:09 PM

Bill,

Hang in there brother. One day at a time man, one day at a time. That's all we can do. I feel for you Bill I really really do. I have never lost anyone as close to me as a spouse but I have lost a lot of people and even now, 2, 5, 7, 12, 20, years later I still get sad about their passing. It takes time.

Yeah, that's what I'm tryin to do, just hang in there. Like YOU, I have lost others over the years and there are still times that i remember them and feel it as well. I never really thought about how it would be to be in this position...........and why would I, you know?
There isn't a day that goes by, that I'm not at a loss at why she couldn't still be here? On the other hand, I KNOW that it was her time to go and all. I also know and find some comfort in knowing that Brenda is up there with the Lord and her Dad and others that have gone on before me. I know that she is feeling great, it's just really hard for me to just let go so easily. It's hard for me to deal with her body having been buried in that cemetery.
It still seems like a nightmare to me, like I'm gonna wake up and she'll be there. Then, everytime I DO wake up, I know that she is gone and I'm not going to see her again, until my
time comes and I've got so much to deal with, along with those
who depend on me. It's just not fair. So many changes have taken place (in my life and at work) and so hard to keep up with them all.

BTW, TODAY is one month! This time one month ago, I was frantically trying to wake her up because she had started having problems at 5:30 that morning. By NOW, I had already called 911 and they were here trying to bring Brenda back, trying to get her to respond.

Caaveman82 · « **Reply #26 on:** July 29, 2009, 10:34:26 AM »

Bill,

My cousin was wrongfully shot by a cop in Virgina when he was 27 years old. He taught me how to drive a stick shift. I crashed his truck into a tree when I was like 9 years old. I have fond memmories of him and this was a long time ago now, 15 years. Every time I drive a manual, which is every day, I think of him. Some times good, some times bad. It may never go away. You are right though Bill, you've been delt a #$%* hand recently and it is not fair. You are however a tough cookie. I believe in you and I don't even know you. I have read a lot of the things you post about what's going on in your life and I admire your strength. All I can say is just keep your chin up and put one foot in front of the other.

bill440cars · « **Reply #27 on:** July 29, 2009, 02:45:58 PM »

Quote from: Caaveman82 on July 29, 2009, 10:34:26 AM

Bill,

My cousin was wrongfully shot by a cop in Virgina when he was 27 years old. He taught me how to drive a stick shift. I crashed his truck into a tree when I was like 9 years old. I have fond memmories of him and this was a long time ago now, 15 years. Every time I drive a manual, which is every day, I think of him. Some times good, some times bad. It may never go away. You are right though Bill, you've been delt a #$%* hand recently and it is not fair. You are however a tough cookie. I believe in you and I don't even know you. I have read a lot of the things you post about what's going on in your life and I admire your strength. All I can say is just keep your chin up and put one foot in front of the other.

Ya know, I'm finding out more and more about things that have happened in Other's lives and that there are a number of the SOHC4 bunch that are carrying quite a burden as well. I knew that I wasn't the only one, but just didn't realize how many have been affected by this sort of thing. I hope that no one gets the idea that I feel that MY situation is worse, not that anyone has given me that impression. I've had some relatives and friends pass, that have really done a number on me, but THIS one has really thrown me for a loop. Everybit of encouragement that I have gotten (and will get), gives me me support like you wouldn't believe. I am always impressed by the fact that some many folks (most of whom have never met face to face) can come together to offer their support to someone in need. And it starts up as soon as a member expresses the need FOR that support. THis place is AWESOME!

bill440cars · « **Reply #28 on:** July 31, 2009, 06:12:52 AM »

Well Folks, looks like I have found something to help me toget on somewhat. Brenda always knew that her only competition was motorcycles and muscle cars. Well, I can't swing the cost of a 69' road runner, but I DID manage to pick up on a bike last night on ebay.

This will help me to work on to the stage in my life that I can better handle what happened on July 1st (not ERASE it, but better handle it) (See the rest about it on "Other Bikes")

But, I still want to see the exhaust on Caminokid's 750 DOHC and talk to him about it!

coldright · « **Reply #29 on:** July 31, 2009, 10:38:50 PM »

It's nice to see that you are putting your mind into things that bring you joy. Congratulations on the bike, Bill. I'm sure that Brenda would approve, especially knowing, as I'm sure she did, that motorcycles and muscle cars weren't really any competition at all!

bill440cars · « **Reply #30 on:** August 01, 2009, 07:13:53 PM »

Quote from: coldright on July 31, 2009, 10:38:50 PM

It's nice to see that you are putting your mind into things that bring you joy. Congratulations on the bike, Bill. I'm sure that Brenda would approve, especially knowing, as I'm sure she did, that motorcycles and muscle cars weren't really any competition at all!

I'll tell you, it feels real good to be able to find something like this GPZ and be able to get it and bring it home. Now, that's not to say that I am going to just let my Honda "Projects" set idle forever. No way! I'm working to get my 80' CB750K straight and then hope to go on into the 77' CB750A and so on.......! I get the feeling that Brenda had something to do with this, before now, I had never checked on ebay for any kind of bike or one that was located within a 500mile radius (and this is what I did just a couple of days ago. This netted me a score that was only about 2hrs away, in Oklahoma. Seems kinda coincidental. On top of that, I've seen several folks since I committed to buy the GPZ, who said that I really looked like I was doing better. Too bad I can't locate a 69' road runner in the same condition and for a decent price! Now THAT would be TOO much!

Yeah, you are right about the competition thing, but they were the closest competition though ( She knew how I felt about her) I DID have to reassure her now and then though, she WAS insecure at times and I never figured out why. I was always doing things for her and she knew that I was. She was MY Woman, My Lady and there will NEVER be ANOTHER and SHE is waiting up there, for ME!

78 k550 · « **Reply #31 on:** August 03, 2009, 08:04:05 PM »

Bill, you would of died I was turning at a light and turning right pulled up and off i'm pretty sure it was a 69 Ragtop cream color black top. It sounded sweet also. Oh Like new it looked.

Paul

bill440cars · « **Reply #32 on:** August 03, 2009, 08:18:50 PM »

Quote from: 78 k550 on August 03, 2009, 08:04:05 PM

Bill, you would of died I was turning at a light and turning right pulled up and off i'm pretty sure it was a 69 Ragtop cream color black top. It sounded sweet also. Oh Like new it looked.

Paul

Oh MAN! I'd loved to have seen that! When I bought my Red 66' Charger in Dec 69, also at that car lot (among others) was a 69' rag top and a 69 and a half road runner coupe with the 440 6pack!

Oh, if ONLY I could have bought thos 2 as well. THe old runners had a nice sound alright. Thanks for posting,... I think? Now, I'm going back and wishing that there would have been some way that we could have hung on to those 2 69's we had (the hdtp and the coupe).

Oh, the memories!

Thank you Paul

GoatBaSS · « **Reply #33 on:** August 04, 2009, 06:05:08 AM »

I skipped to the end on this one man. Take all the time you need, but every minute that passes and you rerun the fond memories, is moving on. Not away, just on.

bill440cars · « **Reply #34 on:** August 04, 2009, 08:12:19 AM »

Quote from: GoatBaSS on August 04, 2009, 06:05:08 AM

I skipped to the end on this one man. Take all the time you need, but every minute that passes and you rerun the fond memories, is moving on. Not away, just on.

That is exactly what I am trying to get myself ro accomplish, Moving on and NOT AWAY! Thank you for putting it into words, I had the 1st part, just don't want ANYONE to even THINK that I am moving AWAY from what we had. I am beginning to get the idea that she might had had an idea that her time was coming, but she never told me her feeling and I think that was because she knew I couldn't handle it (Knowing that she would be going). And she would have been right, about that because as I type this, I am having SOME problem. I suppose that I will, til my time comes, never get over the fact that she's gone. I hope to get to where I can handle it better, but I will NEVER get over it.

Better go, I am juist sitting here and doing nothing (not even typing anything), Bill

GoatBaSS · « **Reply #35 on:** August 04, 2009, 05:33:40 PM »

Shall I send you an engine to rebuild? I will send it bolt by bolt washer by washer. Should be all there by 2043.

Watch the sunset. It does a soul good...

bill440cars · « **Reply #36 on:** August 05, 2009, 04:56:38 AM »

Quote from: GoatBaSS on August 04, 2009, 05:33:40 PM

Shall I send you an engine to rebuild? I will send it bolt by bolt washer by washer. Should be all there by 2043.
Watch the sunset. It does a soul good...

2043, huh?

yeah, Brenda and I saw a lot of those Sunsets.

If we'd seen ANY SUNRISES (while we were dating), I wouldn't be here today!

Cause He'd have been after me!

Yesterday, I talked with several of our friends ans we talked about various things concerning Brenda, which left me feeling pretty good and all. Then, when I woke up this AM, I had some thoughts about her ans some of our times together, and that left me with some feelings, but then I realized that I had to get around and get ready for the day. I mean, with all that I am trying to do, all that's on my mind, along with taking care of My Dad, James, Joey and Karla, my days are so full that you wouldn't think that I would have time to even think about Brenda. But, I DO! But, I'm not doing something that I need to do, when I stop and thnk of Brenda.

You know, Hush recommended that I name the GPZ, Brenda and I agreed. Thing is, when she had HER road runner, she had her initials on her car (BKK for Brenda K Krippendorf) and I am considering putting that on the GPZ somewhere. Noone will know what it means except me.

Gotta go, my day is beginnning now, Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #37 on:** August 07, 2009, 04:31:03 AM »

You know, PART of my being able to move on, involves me having the OTHER things being back to normal again also. For now, the OTHER THINGS involve the 2 young men I still work with and one of them's mother is trying to pull some stuff on me and her son. Thing is, I'm supposed to have her son (who IS his own guardian) 5 days and 4nights. Well, this wek , for example, I've had him all of the days, because she works a day job. But, I've only had him 1 night! 2 of those evenings, while he was with her, she called and said that he wanted to spend the night, so she would bring him back the next morning. I'll be talking to Bost today and ask for a meeting of Me, him and his mother with Bost to clarify the details because she tells me that she was told it was alright to do that.

News:

Author Topic: When Will I Be Able To Somewhat Move On? (Read 3122 times)