Topic: And the idiot award goes to....

[dhinch279]

a couple years ago, I bought a 1990 Kawasaki 550 for $100. It was rough... The kill switch didn't work so I bypassed it and basically had to hot wire the bike to get it started. When I filled it with gas, the carbs were stuck to where they would dump so much gas into the cylinders that the engine wouldn't turn over... the only thing I thought I could do was pull the spark plugs and start the engine to push all the gas out the spark plug hole.... well when I hot wired it to start it, the gas shot out and went directly into both eyes... I have never had anything that stung so bad in my eyes... and I was lucky that my "hot wire" job didn't catch me on fire at the same time...

But I did get the bike to run...for about 10 miles before the gearbox locked up... good times

[Caminokid]

[quote author=turboguzzi link=topic=55848.msg601501#msg601501 date=1248901640

dont worry, did my share of REALLY stupid stuff, but that was before the internet, so i couldnt check how stupid i was in real time.


TG
[/quote]
Ok your showing some age like some of us! 

I had a Triumph 750 Bonneville when I was a teenager.  There was a compression release on this bike. When you kicked it over several time and it didnt start...you pulled the lever and released the compression. I was kicking this bike over and about the 4th time my dad came to the door and said "Boy, you better grab that compression release or your going over those handle bars!" So the so ever bright teen I was decided nothing like that could ever happen to me. I jumped down hard on the kick start and over the handle bars I went.

Lesson learned. Moral of this story is....If you dad has been riding Triumphs all his life...he already knows what is going to happen to you.

Another lesson...when you are used to riding jap bikes...and you get a british bike...remember...shifter on the right...brake on the left. You will try to stop a brit bike a dozen times by slamming your foot down on the shifter thinking its the brake.

[Caminokid]

Ok, when i was young and stupid {just stupid now  } i was up early to go to work, my old honda had an 850 kit and didn't like starting with the electric start on cold mornings so i would just kick it and it usually started first kick. So my old boots were split across the sole just in front of the heel, when i kicked the bike my kick starter went through the split in my boot and i couldn't put my foot back on the ground, the end result was me lying on the ground with the old Honda lying on top of me and i had to stay like that till my Dad got up to go to work {about an hour later... } by that time i had cooled down and saw the funny side of it all......

Mick

I am laughing...due to the fact i had a pair of boots like that. Same thing..kicking over my 77 F2. But the difference here is..I didnt get stuck under the bike.

Sorry still laughing! 

[Operator]

Aussie's are funny.............but not as silly as the Americans

[Frankencake]

I nominate the uncle who torched his sled.  I love that story. 
I was removing a front differential out of a parts truck that had the engine out of it.  It had been sitting there for a while and had some dry grass underneath it.  Wouldn't you know it, I set the grass and oil on fire with my cutting torch.  My boat was next to it so I grabbed my extinguisher and proceeded to make a powdered doughnut out of the whole works.  I could have weed whacked before the job. 

[manjisann]

OH! An old buddy of mine (none too bright) pumped 200 gallons of gas into a diesel boat at the marina one day! When someone caught his mistake, he started to pump it back out. RIGHT INTO THE WATER!!! Yeah, that was his last day there. He plays in a band now and mooches off of his parents these days.

Geez, his last name wouldn't have been Valdez would it??

Brandon

[Magpie]

Thanks guys, I feel better about my limited mechanical abilities now!
Cliff.

[bikerbart]

So,last summer I was riding home and it started to run like sh#t,I kept thinking it was the carbs because I was running pods and experimenting with jets.Tried 4 sets of different sizes,put the airbox back on,Pulled,cleaned the carbs,nothing,So I let it sit til the middle of winter,Jonesing to ride and figure I will try another crack at it,I turn on the fuel and lo and behold I notice my fuel line was kinked like a garden hose,I shortened it and it fired right up.D'oh!And after I put the carbs back on!

[reshippie]

I had just gotten my first bike (this was just a few months ago).  Off to work 1 morning and the bike is running really rough, but it's mostly downhill so I survived until I hit 1 of the stop signs, bike dies and won't come back.  Tried switching to reserve, nothing.  Call the GF to bring the other battery, cause that had already been an issue, but no luck.  Take the train to work, get a friend to look at the bike a few days later.  He sticks a screw driver into the gas tank, it's dry.  Previous owner had mucked with the damn petcock.  still need to fix that.

This bike is fun, though.  First got it and quickly found out that 1 spark plug was fouled, runs much better with 4 cylinders.  Had the bike covered 1 night, took off the cover and went down the hill towards work and it's a little rough.  Won't run once the road gets flat.  Get off and look at things, managed to pull off 2 of the spark plug boots with the cover.  Moral of the stories: you need at least 3 out of 4 cylinders to run a cb550.

[greenjeans]

I once forgot to put my spark plugs back in the 750....the plug wires were close enough to where they should be that I didn't notice until after I had used up
all my 7 words you can't say.....

Then there was the time I thought the AC in my truck had gone out.  Thought to myself "I can fix this"  went and bought a can of freon, leak tester and some guages
only to have my wife notice that the temperature controller was on WARM

The list goes on and on

[754]

Name was not Valdez, it was Hazelwood..

 for some reason that kid and his Dad, never can find work in areas where petroleum products and water are close together!

[manjisann]

Name was not Valdez, it was Hazelwood..

 for some reason that kid and his Dad, never can find work in areas where petroleum products and water are close together!

BTW that was not a crack at anyone south of the border, but the Exxon Valdez.  I'd imagine the EPA has something to do with their inability to find work where petrol and water are together 

Since others have posted non bike bloopers, my ultimate. I had bought a stereo with a remote. One day the remote would't play the cd, so after trying new batteries, I figure I'll take the stupid remote apart and figure out what is wrong with it. After tearing the thing apart and checking everything I go over to the cd player only to notice, there's no CD in it. hmmmmm that might have explained it. That poor remote had scotch tape holding it together for the next several years 

Brandon

[razor02097]

Don't think I can top any of this    Worst thing that happend to me was when I rode my CB900 has a vacuum valve and the fuel valve I left ON or RESERVE... well tooling down the road she spits and sputters I reach down and... yeah its already on reserve    Ended up stopping and tipping the bike to the left to get every last drop into the carbs.  The term running on fumes comes to mind.


Speaking of diesel in a gas engine I saw an old guy filling up his car at a gas station using a YELLOW tap.... err that's not E85 gramps... lucky another guy caught it before he tried driving off.  AAA ended up coming and towing the car away... that would suck

OOO ooo speaking of the elderly... another older gentleman in a Kroger parking lot was starting up his car.... it started... and kept starting... and starting... and grinding... until a loud PING!!  Hope he got home cause it sounded like the starter bendix exploded. 

[manjisann]

Razor, don't feel to bad, some day you'll have a story to tell 

Brandon

[ekpent]

Nothing mechanical but I just put an update on My gold K1 tonight. Was polishing around the rear fender etc. and having some cocktails. Took off the plate to get some rust etc.. Went off for a long test ride.MAYBE,stopped at a place or two for another cocktail on the way home and saw my plate laying by my toolbox when I got HOME- - whoops-------Lucky

[manjisann]

errr, the plate was bad, but um, cocktails and a motorcycle?? Isn't that kinda risky??

Brandon

[ekpent]

The plate is good and blame the cocktails on Terry and those darn Australians  They are a bad influence----- Eric