Yeah, I get it - on the one hand there's the whole SCHLONG hanging off your bike type of thing, which is revealing but hey whatever. OR on the other hand, if you'd been really into the custom scene back in the day, spend gawd knows how much on bike magazines and #$%*, then the magneto would've become an integral part of YOUR mind's eye image of a period-correct HOT-ROD classic set-up!
And there's absolutely zero reason why you should have to rationalize that! I mean #$%* - we can yap about function all we want, the reason we're into classic bikes is all about the aesthetics. And for some of the more hopeless among us, some of the true "budget build" types -
(((Although I hasten to add that there's probably very few of you out there in a worse financial situation than I am, which is all the more indication of how bad I've got "the DISEASE"....)))
For a FEW of the young buggers ... they're still labouring under the delusion that they're saving $$$ by riding ... or rather OWNING ha-ha, an older bike!
But for the rest of us, it's ALL about the aesthetics. Both visual and auditory and even tactile in that the ill handling chassis can illicit excitement at the steady repetitious feelings of imminent death each time the bars jerk away from where you want 'em to go.
If it were ALL about function we'd all be riding crotch rockets.
Yet at the same time, our particular tastes in which era of vintage, doesn't quite allow us to let go of high performance altogether. We can APPRECIATE a powder-green Sunbeam with sprung-saddle & sprung-bucket side-car ... but do any of us wanna creep along at 40kph while every drunk in a pick-up truck swerves not to run us over? #$%* no.
I guess we're trapped in that paradox, where we love our classic bikes, but we've gotta have something quick enough to get the heck out of the way of the increasingly psychotic CAGER behaviour out there. HEAVY enough and fast enough that it's force of collision still presents enough force of impact to dent through the armoured air-bag sound-proof steel & safety-glass COCCOON, such that the cagers need to fear the immediate repercussions of running us over. And yet enough of a classic cool vibe so as to imply some element of delayed reaction repercussions from our loyal brethren AFTER the fact. Not looking like a squid on a crotch-rocket that every judge or insurance adjuster in the land would dismiss in a heart-beat, let alone the target on one's back painted when all of those young #$%*s cut everybody off in traffic while zooming past doing stunts for youtube, leaving a trail of bloody accidents in their wake. Don't wanna ride an identical bike & wear an identical outfit to THAT guy ha-ha. Yet at the same time, we can't stand the thought of riding the identical bike & identical "rebel" slash ultra-conformist UNIFORM as all of those OTHER guys ha-ha. 'Cause there's a certain style of attempting to exude that whole brooding menace that's just ... impotent!
So there's this whole sorta MIDDLE GROUND of classic bikes. Which at the same time, flips a finger at all of the ... extremophile regions of the biker-sphere, with the latent racism at the root of resentment toward "import" bikes (especially up here in Canada, where I don't see too many folks riding older Bombardier models). It's not too this, not too that. Yet offensive to all the right people for all the right reasons in a very worldly and modern sense.
And the only thing threatening to #$%* it all up for us are the Rockabilly bands and beard pomade salesmen who gather at the fringes of any sizeable bike gathering. Just as home-marketing types tend to creep into any other group of people. Used to be a lot simpler, but now we frown on smoking pot an riding (probably 'cause it's so much stronger these days, that old's-cool pot was more akin to drinking too much cappuccino) So they've had to hawk different garbage. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the Adventure-Bike gatherings see their own share of TUPPERWARE salespeople ha-ha.
WHATEVER. All I'm saying is, if you feel you've gotta have an enormous Aluminum ... turgid SCHLONG hanging off the side of the bike and pointing toward your groin, then ALL POWER TO YOU.
Jeebuz. Do we wanna talk about the REAL hot set-up for high-power combustion? There's that Aprilia MOPED with the direct injection 50cc engine. I'd bet that thing's set up about a THOUSAND times better than the hottest tuned Superbike ever built.
Guess I should dig up the numbers, 'cause I've heard that one of the original Honda RC-series five or six cylinders held the all-time record for the most power per Litre. But with the caveat of being naturally aspirated. Whereas that RS50 moped has direct injection so it's not naturally aspirated. But I'd be curious to see how some old lady's casual shopping day trip moped compares on a Liter-for-Liter basis with the most delicious Unobtainium ever to touch down from some lofty height, then flitted away with the little white wings on it's tank.
But WE know BETTER than that. You don't walk into ... the Van Gogh museum, and compare his works to ... to a custom photo wallpaper mural you can order at the Quicki-Mart photo booth - not even if it's of your own kid's face. You don't compare the films of Andrei Tarkovsky with those of Michael Bay, & say they don't have enough ACTION.
That #$%*ing A.R.D. Magneto case - well maybe not yours, but ONE of 'em - okay maybe yours 'cause I'VE been typing about it on the internet ha-ha! The A.R.D. Magneto cover is gonna be in a MUSEUM some day - there will be a whole exhibition of Unobtainium crap, so that people of the future can understand WHY WE COOKED THE EARTH WITH GREENHOUSE GASES ... I mean so they can connect with their ancestors and this age of transportation and disgusting fossil fuels etc etc. Of course, the only vehicles we'll still HAVE in the future will be motorcycles, because it will be a civilized enlightened age. And the little children of the radioactive wasteland will crawl to BARTER-TOWN just to look at the collection of #$%*ty Detroit garbage and try & decipher the lettering printed on the signs made from ripped out pages from old hot rod magazines & #$%* -
And they will MARVEL at the beauty of the Aluminum castings, they'll declare the A.R.D. Magneto cover an icon of the peak-oil era, build temples worshipping the carbon belching tech that brought banana plantations to the Edmonton region,
to Edmonton region, they'll build a little flat base for 'em so they can stand up individually as effigies & idols of the Industrial age. They'll look at the different versions of SOHC CB750 and they'll say "THAT one's the male of the species, 'cause it's got that impressive SCHLONG hanging off the engine...."
Then they'll mosey on over to the DOHC Honda section and exclaim "CB900K0 Bol Bomber? Now THAT'S a friggin' BEAUTIFUL BIKE, man!"
-Sigh.
