Topic: More To Deal With. SOLUTION FOUND, DECISION MADE!!!!!!!!

[bill440cars]

         Well, the young man who lives with us AND who we basically "liberated from his mother, is now being manipulated by her once again. He is asked what he wants to do (since the loss of my Wife) and, at 1st he didn't want to come back because this was HER house and she's not here now. He was back with his mother at the time. Then he came back, but was pretty reserve and said that he would "Visit" here. Thing is, there is a PLAN through Bost, that he agreed to, that has him living here, not visiting. The visits were to be with his family (which, sadly , isn't much of a family). Then, he changed and agreed to a schedule, to which he hasn't followed very well and is back to being influenced by her. Then just yesterday, she was late bringing him back over after staying the night with her, I got a bit short with her on the phone because she was an hour late getting hold of me AND asking me if I could come get him! We had plans that day (and every day has a schedule that I need to follow, concerning my Daughter and my Dad and she knew that) and SHE was already an hour behind, causing some pretty good stress on me and my Daughter (who has anxiety problems anyway. So, his mother agreed to take him to the worker that he was to be with that day anyway. With that, we left and went through the day of events (Dad and I went to Little Rock to see the waitress that had waited on my Mom and him for so many years, she ir retiring ). Then, I got back, made contact with James' worker to let him know that I was back in the area and next thing I know, I get a phone call from James' and he let's me know that he's not coming back that day, he is going to his mother's. I remind him that, according to the schedule that HE came up with, he was supposed to be with us that evening. He says that he's not and that he's going to his mother's. Well, we had a few words (me, trying to remain calm, knowing that his mother is behind this). Then, later, his worker calls me to say that James' mother called him saying that James didn't want to come back to my house the next day (today) and wanted to go to the worker's house instead. Well, that's not an option the mother was told, because the worker had others that he was to work with on that day. I called James' (Bost) Coordinator and she wants to have a meeting to find out exactly what James wants and set up, yet another schedule! We just got through doing that! I am about at my wits end here. As soon as I can get the life insurance settlement, I'm paying down every single thing that I can and, if I can get the bills down to the working level that I need, I'm getting out of this because, on top of everything else, I don't need this. Am I wrong to thing that, after a schedule is set (and agreed on by James) that he should be held to that schedule? I mean he's messing with peoples lives here and it's not fair to expect to  be able to set things up and be in name only! I'm getting ready to do SOMETHING, I'm just not sure what yet, I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face!

                             Okay, I've gotten down to a possible working level here. Now, thhis morning, I have no idea if he's coming here or not. He doesn't have medicine to take, because it is here and he only carries the days worth with him when he goes out. I can not and will not wait around to see if he shows or not. His mother should be horse whipped! I hate to tell her, but it takes more than giving birth to make a female a MOTHER (MOM or whatever)!


                                                                           I need to get around and get things done,  Later on, Bill  

[Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er]

Bill,

Once again, good luck. It sounds to me like this kid is mainly looking for a good mother to pamper him and tell him what to do, plus a nice place to hang out. You may have a nice place and I know you are trying to do right but you're not a mother. Nor are you HIS father. If it were me and I'm a bit more harsh/brash than you, I'd lay down the law and eliminate his option of picking and choosing. Don't allow this kid to use you at his convenience! How much more can you do?! I know you care and you've made a difference but don't do it at the expense of your sanity. You have plenty on your plate and this kid must understand that.

Hope that doesn't sound too harsh.

Jerry

[Operator]

Tell him that the option of your assistance is on the basis of "take it or leave it"

I hope that doesn't sound cold but you have your own crap in life right now. You need to have personal relationships that broaden your existence and life experience, not narrow it.

Despite all that has happened recently, you have a life to live.......get on with it brother

[bill440cars]

Bill,

Once again, good luck. It sounds to me like this kid is mainly looking for a good mother to pamper him and tell him what to do, plus a nice place to hang out. You may have a nice place and I know you are trying to do right but you're not a mother. Nor are you HIS father. If it were me and I'm a bit more harsh/brash than you, I'd lay down the law and eliminate his option of picking and choosing. Don't allow this kid to use you at his convenience! How much more can you do?! I know you care and you've made a difference but don't do it at the expense of your sanity. You have plenty on your plate and this kid must understand that.

Hope that doesn't sound too harsh.

Jerry

Tell him that the option of your assistance is on the basis of "take it or leave it"

I hope that doesn't sound cold but you have your own crap in life right now. You need to have personal relationships that broaden your existence and life experience, not narrow it.

Despite all that has happened recently, you have a life to live.......get on with it brother

          He used to be fun to be with, good to take places and totally enjoyable. Things were getting unbearable for me, before Brenda's Passing, but AFTER, He's reverted back to his Mother (only in the sense of actualy giv9ing birth to him) to be with. Thing is, there was a time that he was so extremely happy to be coming to our house. On the day that we (Brenda Bost and I) got him out of that house and away from her, he was so excited to be out from under that life If you could call it that).  I don't think that he's going to be doing the living bit for much longer either. I firmly beleieve that his mother knows about the rent check that is paid by those who live with their workers and, since he IS his onw guardian, she can get him to live with her in the same way that he was with me and she will get a monthly check, while someone else will work with him for so many hours a week.  I've been talking with one of the ladies at  Bost, who is pretty high up and she recommends changing clients and let him get reminded of just how thi ngs will be (and were) with "MOM". It won't take long for her to slide back i nto er old ways and for him to see how she still IS. But, by then, it will be too late for any reconciling with me, because I've had MORE than my share of bull from HIM AND his MOM! Brenda would have hoped that he and I could resolve our differences, but she wouldn't want him to be acting lke this and treating ME the way that he has either. I CAN honestly say, without fear of being contradicted, that I have tried very hard, to make this work! Yeah, I'm going in to see that lady at Bost, first part of next week and see about settling this once and for all. ANd, that will be one thing that I won't be hounded by! It's going to be sad, but, he's pushing me to it and I have too much on my plate, to have THAT to put up with as well.


             No, you all haven't been too harsh, I have only touched on the tip of this subject and am sick of dealing with it. Whether intentional or not, he was starting to drive a wedge between me and Brenda, before she passed away, and THAT was really killing me, I'm gone for now, Bill

[bill440cars]

      Well folks, I've had a very heart to heart talk with a couple of the ladies at Bost (whose opinions I value very much). And I was informed by one of those ladies that Brenda and i had done AWESOME WORK with James and had nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty about. The fact is, that James is back with his mother and is being influenced by her. I was told that the way they were treating ME was totally wrong and I have put up with too much already! It's time to realize that there is nothing to be gained by staying with him and it was PAST time for me to move on. I was also told that there were several others who were in need of workers and If I would come in, make the decision to cut James loose, I could easily pick up hours with any of several others and also have some piece of mind.  So, I'm feeling better about the whole thing. I really can't believe that after all this time, it has come down to this. But, if that's the way they want it (and it appears that they do), then, so be it! Now, if, after a bit he changes his mind, It will e TOO late. Once I break loose, I ain't going back.  

[jtb]

Bill, Pick your battles.  Sounds like it's time to move on.  Someone else who needs your help will be greatful.

John

[Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er]

Sounds like the right decision. Don't enable users.

[bill440cars]

Sounds like the right decision. Don't enable users.

           I Hear ya Jerry. Yeah, right now, it's Sunday Morning and I'm wondering when his mother will be calling about more of his medicine because on Thursday, I left a 4 day supply on my front window sill for her to pickup (i don't necessarily want to even see her!) and that will carry him through til this evening. Also, I'm wondering if HE has been away long enough to think that he's ready to come back and try again. That would be fine, except that I amSO DONE! I am ready to give the responsibility of getting him to do the things the way he should AND act properly (like he used to do) to SOMEONE ELSE!  End Of Story, because THAT chapter is OVER. There are SOME folks who don't realize that EVEN some "Special Needs" folks can be USERS and it's a pretty good job to get them turned around, if they've gone that way. So, all I can say, to whoever ends up working with him (if his mother allows it) is, Good Luck!

          I have no regrets (except maybe I should have realized the outcome of this, a little sooner). I DO wish he'd have been smart enough to realize that his "mother" only came out of the WOOD WORK,  because Brenda is gone and James was rattled enough by that, that his mother had a way back into his life and could once again be in control of him, and eventually his money.

                                                Later on, Bill