Author Topic: Jimmy the Aboriginal  (Read 2641 times)

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Offline Terry in Australia

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Jimmy the Aboriginal
« on: December 01, 2005, 05:18:49 PM »
A rich American living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Jimmy, the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft man-eating Crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Jimmy in the pool! Jimmy was fighting the croc and kicking its ass! Jimmy was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of #$%* like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Jimmy and the croc were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Jimmy strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Jimmy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally the host says, "Well, Jimmy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars." "Nah, you right, I don't want it," said Jimmy. The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet."  "How about half a million bucks then?"  "No thanks. I don't want it," answered Jimmy. The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new
Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?" Again Jimmy said no.

Confused,the rich man asked,"Well Jimmy, then what do you want?" Jimmy said, "I want the name of the prick who pushed me in the Pool!
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Bob Wessner

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2005, 06:41:26 PM »
 ;D ;D
We'll all be someone else's PO some day.

Buffo

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2005, 06:49:25 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Offline GeoffT

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2005, 07:13:44 PM »
 :D ;D

Jim Shea

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2005, 02:39:40 AM »
Terry,
Nice one.
Oh and by the way how did you know I had Aboriginal forebears? I had kept that very quite!
Jimmy.
 ;)

eldar

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2005, 01:01:14 PM »
must have been an aboriginal that came from NZ.! ;D

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2005, 01:39:58 PM »
must have been an aboriginal that came from NZ.! ;D

Er, that'd make him a Maori, Eldy. I have the utmost respect for Maori's, they're the toughest race on earth, and are all bigger than me (and that's just the women!) and although softly spoken, love to fight!

They'd honestly rather fight than f*ck and will beat up anyone from any country, no #$%*! The reason that there are no crocs in New Zealand is beacause the Maori kids beat them all to death thousands of years ago, ha ha!

If oil was discovered in New Zealand and America tried to "Liberate" the poor reprressed New Zealand folk, the next US President would look like this guy! Cheers, Terry. ;D 
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Jim Shea

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2005, 12:51:09 AM »
Careful now mate...  Are you a closet NZer?? or have you experienced the naked haka?

Offline ofreen

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2005, 09:05:49 AM »
must have been an aboriginal that came from NZ.! ;D
If oil was discovered in New Zealand and America tried to "Liberate" the poor reprressed New Zealand folk, the next US President would look like this guy! Cheers, Terry. ;D 

I like his looks better than the guy we have in there now.  Could only be an improvement.

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eldar

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2005, 10:47:50 AM »
Thats for sure! ;D

eldar

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2005, 02:04:12 PM »
TERRY!!! He did it!

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2005, 04:24:13 PM »
Careful now mate...  Are you a closet NZer?? or have you experienced the naked haka?

Nah Jimmy, Kiwi's are ok, they're a kind of cross between a Pom, Canadian and Aussie, and we consider new Zealand an Australian territory like Tasmania, and God knows the Aussie taxpayer is keeping all the unfortunate Kiwi prostitutes here from starving on the mean streets of Kings Cross in Sydney.

The Maori's are way cool, they never really lost their roots like our city dwelling Aborigines, (the ones in the bush are still ok) and you haven't been scared until you've inadvertantly upset one. They can make a big Scotsman retreat like a screaming gay Frenchman, ha ha! Cheers, Terry. ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Jim Shea

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2005, 01:11:51 AM »
Terry,
I would normally agree, except for the recent rugby!
Your Kings Cross and ours in London sound about the same.
Btw, I was with a mate of mine here who is a Aussie and he hadnt' heard this old one:
Australians are living proof that Aboriginals shagged kangaroos.
I apologise profusely if you find this offensive and await the inevitable English jokes.
Jim.

davebaker

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2005, 02:46:08 AM »
 :D :D :D :D :D

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2005, 03:22:37 AM »
Terry,
I would normally agree, except for the recent rugby!
Your Kings Cross and ours in London sound about the same.
Btw, I was with a mate of mine here who is a Aussie and he hadnt' heard this old one:
Australians are living proof that Aboriginals shagged kangaroos.
I apologise profusely if you find this offensive and await the inevitable English jokes.
Jim.

Don't worry too much about offending me mate, after 28 years in the army there's nothing you can say to me that's gonna ruffle my feathers, ha ha! Don't worry about the rugby mate, just keep watching the cricket, we're cutting a swathe through all the worlds best, just getting ready for next time we play England, ha ha! Cheers, Terry. ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

ElCheapo

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #15 on: December 19, 2005, 04:33:36 PM »
must have been an aboriginal that came from NZ.! ;D

Er, that'd make him a Maori, Eldy. I have the utmost respect for Maori's, they're the toughest race on earth, and are all bigger than me (and that's just the women!) and although softly spoken, love to fight!

They'd honestly rather fight than f*ck and will beat up anyone from any country, no #$%*! The reason that there are no crocs in New Zealand is beacause the Maori kids beat them all to death thousands of years ago, ha ha!

If oil was discovered in New Zealand and America tried to "Liberate" the poor reprressed New Zealand folk, the next US President would look like this guy! Cheers, Terry. ;D 

From being there many years ago.... TRUE

I'm not sure what the weapon is (looks like a staff) and they will beat your ass with it in so many ways you can not imagine. Plus they will do it lighting fast as it is against tradition for a woman to have knowledge of this weapon.

Offline chips1953

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2009, 09:38:17 AM »
Terry,
I would normally agree, except for the recent rugby!
Your Kings Cross and ours in London sound about the same.
Btw, I was with a mate of mine here who is a Aussie and he hadnt' heard this old one:
Australians are living proof that Aboriginals shagged kangaroos.
I apologise profusely if you find this offensive and await the inevitable English jokes.
Jim.

Don't worry too much about offending me mate, after 28 years in the army there's nothing you can say to me that's gonna ruffle my feathers, ha ha! Don't worry about the rugby mate, just keep watching the cricket, we're cutting a swathe through all the worlds best, just getting ready for next time we play England, ha ha! Cheers, Terry. ;D
Sorry? Cricket..........
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Offline bryanj

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2009, 09:41:28 PM »
Ah Cricket, four day fifth tests leaving England holding the Urn------Or is that now a sore point Terry!!!!
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Offline chips1953

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2009, 10:43:37 PM »
Ponting. vrb To be run out. (Australian Cricket term)
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Offline Ecosse

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #19 on: August 25, 2009, 12:14:50 AM »
 :D :D :D :D :D

i just caught this!

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Offline toycollector10

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2009, 03:37:01 AM »
I heard about a sheep farmer way out back of Victoria, Australia. Terry, I think his name was.

Well, a new neighbour bought the farm (ranch) next to Terry. And being one of the nations good guys Terry invited the neighbour over for a BBQ.

"For some beers and BBQ'ed 'roo. Swim in the new pool, play some poker and billiards and the like, and if you get lucky there might be some sex in it for you too" he said.

The new neighbour says "so there's going to be all the other neighbours over too" ?






And Terry says....











"No, it'll be just you and me mate"




 ;D


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Offline chips1953

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2009, 04:14:50 AM »
Is there a thread for abusing antipodeans? or is it in every thread? Howzat!
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rhos1355

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Re: Jimmy the Aboriginal
« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2009, 04:31:26 AM »
If you guys are looking for the cricket cum aussie slagging thread, here it is

http://forums.sohc4.net/index.php?topic=3049.0