Well, turns out Im 100% stupid/crazy
Pulled the cover and everything is fine. Put it back on to test it out and still had the same problem, and on a whim I reached through the dipstick hole and pulled the plates apart with my fingers. Works fine now, wouldnt you know it! Just my luck. At least I know a little more about how it works and how long it takes for the clutch to start sticking
And the adjustment screw fiasco, for the record its a '74 550k and you have to turn the screw counter-clockwise until you feel tension, not clockwise. Lesson learned.
Crappiest thing is the clutch cover screws were on tighter than a mofo and I had to use an extractor on two of them. So, some new hardware is in order, and Im going to look into hex head bolts to replace the rest if they arent too expensive. Torque spec on them is like 6 lbs-ft so probably just insurance. Thanks for the help everyone.