Topic: Everything I know, I learned from TV

[ElCheapo]

Everything I know, I learned from TV

1.   Guns never run out of ammo.
2.   Your fallen buddies will always tell you to go on without him.
3.   No matter what the amount for a ransom it will always fit in a small briefcase.
4.   No matter were you are going in a huge metropolis, there will always be a parking spot right in front of the building you are going into.
5.   Bad guy thugs have horrible aim and can’t hit you even with a machine gun. They can hit all breakable items around you (see glass).
6.   It is safe to stand with your buddies in a circle to shoot your opponent in the center of the circle.
7.   No matter how big the explosion the good guy can always out run it even if on foot.
8.   There is no problem in the world can’t be solved in 30 minutes.
9.   Even if you close your eyes, crouch running, you can hit your target with any gun. (except if you are a bad guy thug – see #5)
10.   Enemies will wait while they encircle you and attack one at a time, unless they are shooting at you see #6. If they are thugs see #5
11.   No matter what store you go into you will always be able to find French bread and all of the fixings for making hundreds of bombs.
12.   Enemies will always wait while you have a mid-conflict interlude with a beautiful double spy.
13.   When searching for a female killer it will always be the skinny big boobed one with too much eye make up.
14.   You can drive any vehicle on any surface no matter the elevation or terrain. And without fear. (see Batman)
15.   All good guys are secretly trained by the bad guy’s secret ultimate warrior society.
16.   Bad guy’s money comes from evil doings; good guy’s money comes from nowhere.
17.  You can be shot multiple times and survive.
18.  Tough guys only wince when the pretty nurse is tending a wound.
19.  Good guys can go into any closet or bathroom cabinet in the world and find everything they need to make thier own crime lab.
20.  Good guys computer work fast (ever noticed after a few seconds they are saying "Come on, come on"), Bad guys, thier computers work instantly.
21.  No matter what the information is good guys can type it in just about any computer and find the identity of any person on the planet.
22.  When jumping out a window or off a fire escape from levels above the first story there will always be a an awning to land on that will hold your weight or a dumpster or passing garbage truck filled with soft stuff so you can get away.
23.  If you are a good guy you can always hang onto the rope and your partners hand while hanging from any elevation.
24.  Bad guys guns come from dark alleys from guys named Gweedo, Good guys have an endless supply of guns that come from nowhere.
25.  Running on walls and dodging bullets is normal. The rest of us are just to slow.

[74cb750]

26. Good guys can generate complex computer commands by merely hitting a few keys.
27. Bad guys and good guys never have to key in a password
28. Both sides can figure out your password in less time than it takes for the system to be shut down by the opposition.
29. Messy hair and sweaty bodies always look sexy.
30. People never have to eat, go to the bathroom or shower unless a camera is there.
31. Almost all motorcycles, even 4 cyclinder bikes with Kerker 4into1's all sound like Harleys.
32. In the middle of the forest on a moonless nitgth, you can always follow the path of your prey.
33. After being hit in the head with a large stick, you always get up to swing again within minutes.

[ElCheapo]

34. Harley's, well any bike can jump a distance that can not be done with any other vehicle. (see Terminator and Batman)

[74cb750]

35. If you have been knocked uncounscious, you always wake up at a critical moment, usually to save the day with moments to spare.
36. If you are Canadian, you always have an "accent".
37. If you are Chinese, you can play Japanese roles and vis-versa.
38. You never get a speeding ticket.
39. Your plastic bumpered auto can run a tractor-trailer off the road, and only have scratches to the paint.
40. After losing your windshield, your hair doesn't muss up, even though you are driving 90mph.
41. On a motorcycle, you never get hit by flying debris or bugs during a chase.

[74cb750]

41. THere is never a traffic jam you can not go around.
42. You never miss a shift in a high speed chase.
43. If you're a Hobbit, your feet never get cold or hot, but you still have to massage them once in a while.

[ElCheapo]

44. Good guys ALWAYS catch the bad guys
45. Good guys always get the girl.
46. While bad guys get the first 70% of the show, less commercials - the good guys always kick thier but in the remaining 30% of the show.
47. No matter how gruesome the death of the arch villan, he or she will always get to die twice.
48. Arch villians either die or are foiled right after they begin to mono-log

[grumburg]

49. No matter the make of vehicle, the starters always sound like an old Chrysler product.

[ElCheapo]

50. Private Investigators can carry guns anywhere.
51. If a Private Investigator is arrested someone will do him a favor and get him out.
52. While a P.I. annoys cops, they always listen to him.
53. Cops always bungle an investigation. It is the "concerned citizens" that catch the bad guy.
54. The purchase of any beauty product can make even me look good.
55. Estaban will show up and give you pointers on how to save money on car insurance.

[74cb750]

56. If you have to fill up the gas tank, you will get approximately 500miles per gallon from a V8 driving over 120mph.
57. Almost never have to actually pay for fuel.

[74cb750]

58. The food is almost always cooked just right.
59. You never get a ketchup stain on your first date.

[cb650]

Is this why I'm such a dumb SOB???



                 Terry

[Bob Wessner]

Almost never have to actually pay for fuel.

Reminds me of a TV ad recently. Some famous? sports figure pulls into a broken down gas station out in the desert manned by some old guy. The driver fills his own tank, chats with the old coot and then gets in the car and drives off. Never pays for the gas. Don't recall the product either so I guess it wasn't a very effective ad. 

[ElCheapo]

Almost never have to actually pay for fuel.

Reminds me of a TV ad recently. Some famous? sports figure pulls into a broken down gas station out in the desert manned by some old guy. The driver fills his own tank, chats with the old coot and then gets in the car and drives off. Never pays for the gas. Don't recall the product either so I guess it wasn't a very effective ad. 

It was a Garmin commercial (I watch WAY TOO much TV) and the guy is He is some famous basketball player from Japan. I think they must have streched his legs  He is like over 7ft 

[74cb750]

Chinese guy, You Ming, the Japanese guy is David Beckham.

[74cb750]

60. The main guy is NEVER shorter than the leading lady, unless she is wearing high heels.
61. Bikers: guys are always mean , ugly, & looking like they are on the verge of needing to diet.
62. Bikers: gals always big breasted, long haired, big eyed and dumb. SOrta like my wife.
62a . this thread will self destruct if you attach it to an email to my wife. I am now using WEB 4.0 v34. HA!

[Bob Wessner]

this thread will self destruct if you attach it to an email to my wife. I am now using WEB 4.0 v34. HA!

Sorry, it didn't work. She's already replied and it seems you might be in a bit of trouble. 

[cb650]

this thread will self destruct if you attach it to an email to my wife. I am now using WEB 4.0 v34. HA!

Sorry, it didn't work. She's already replied and it seems you might be in a bit of trouble. 

Is the couch cumfy?   Or is she the Lorena Bobitt type and we need to send you get well cards to the member reatachment ward.



                 Terry

[ElCheapo]

Chinese guy, You Ming, the Japanese guy is David Beckham.

37. If you are Chinese, you can play Japanese roles and vis-versa.

 

[skamania19]

63. With any semi-auto gun you must take it out of your waistband and chamber a new round at least three times an hour. 

[ElCheapo]

61. No matter how you tuck a pistol into your waistband it will stay while you run, climb, and do other hero things.
62. If you are a bad guy, you and your thugs can tote guns in daylight on a busy street shooting at your enemies and nearly no one will notice.

[Jonesy]

61. No matter how you tuck a pistol into your waistband it will stay while you run, climb, and do other hero things.

I think James Bond actually did have his gun fall out during one film (I think it was Man With the Golden Gun...).

But, This is the same genre of films where his car can get beaten to all to hell, roof ripped off and everything and still keep going, while the bad guys' cars chasing him will blow up with nothing more than a mere stone chip on the windshield!!

[74cb750]

63. No matter how far into a snow bank you are, just put it in reverse and it zooms right back on the road.
63a. This never happens in Australia. Usually the Kangaroos pull the bike out and get you on your way.
64. During a race, the good guy just squints his/her eyes, stares at the other racers and miraculously his vehicle goes just a tiny bit faster.
65. During a chase, after jumping 20 feet, landing hard enough to bend the forks, crack the oilpan, and bend the handlebars, the bike just keeps going fine.

[ElCheapo]

66. During a car chase, tires will always make burn out on pavement sounds no matter what you are driving on. (Tires burnout sounds on grass, sand)

[Bob Wessner]

67. All street shots seem to have been made just after a rain shower, never on dry pavement.

[ElCheapo]

68. Whenever a woman is due to deliver a baby you have to go boil water. Don't know what it is for but you have to boil water.
69. If you are a good guy you can knock out the bad guys with one punch.
70. Babies always come out clean and neat. They also age several months by the time the camera sees them and anyone gets to hold them.