Topic: Found Out That A Guy From Where I Used To Work, Passed Away.

[bill440cars]

      Yeah, there were 3 of us that started work for the Civil Service At Fort Chaffee (for the Army Reserves) on the 26th of December, 1972. I haven't seen either one of them since I retired in Dec, 1995 and one of the passed away last Friday. We weren't really what you'd call friends. I tried to be, but he was one of those who had a tendacy to want to Hob nob with the wheels, you know? If it was just you and him, it was fine, but give him a chance to be with someone with anykind of power or what ever, he'd jump at the chance to go with them and rub shoulders. Yeah, he thought his stuff didn't stink. Me, I just tried to get along and do my job. Must have done something right because I moved from a mechanic, to a Direct Support Mechanic, to an Equipment Inspector (did pre maintenance inspections, ordered parts and did final inspections after the mechanic was supposed to have fixed the equipment) and started to get all kinds of additional responsibilities (one of 4 who road tested folks and issued operators permits, 5th in line of overall supervision (if the 1st four were out of the shop at one time, I was in charge and it did happen a few times  ), 2nd in charge of the Arms room & made trips with the Armorer to make weapons inspections at different Army Reserves Units In Arkansas. Yeah, he came up the ladder too. But, you know, even though he and I were at odds now and then (usually unnecessarily so), I will go to his funeral and pay my respects. Kind of gets me though. None of these folks, who will turn out for this funeral, managed to even show up for Visitation, when Brenda died. I'm gonna be trying hard NOT to say anything in reference to that though.
It would have been a nice gesture, had at least SOME of them had made an appearance. But, I will go and do the right thing, because that is what I was taught to do. Guess I need to get over this rant, cause that is what it really is.
                          I gotta quit rambling on and go to bed, Take care, Bill    

[Hush]

Rant on Bill, many of us understand and can empathise with you.
Reminds me of my late Father, he worked hard on his Uncles farm for no pay for many years, he was promised the farm by his childless Aunt and Uncle when they died.
War broke out and he was in Europe/Asia/Middle East for 5 years, when he finally got home he found that being lonely the couple had adopted an orphan and he was out of the will, many many years later he attended a funeral for the adopted son who got the farm, I asked him why he bothered.
"Just thought I'd show up and let him see who was the winner overall" he replied with a wink.

[bill440cars]

Rant on Bill, many of us understand and can empathise with you.
Reminds me of my late Father, he worked hard on his Uncles farm for no pay for many years, he was promised the farm by his childless Aunt and Uncle when they died.
War broke out and he was in Europe/Asia/Middle East for 5 years, when he finally got home he found that being lonely the couple had adopted an orphan and he was out of the will, many many years later he attended a funeral for the adopted son who got the farm, I asked him why he bothered.
"Just thought I'd show up and let him see who was the winner overall" he replied with a wink.

        That is Good Hush, Real Good!  You will like this one too.   Brenda always said, 
                                            "Kill Them With Kindness!"

[Hush]

Guess that rules out the Glock and the M4!

[bill440cars]

Guess that rules out the Glock and the M4!

           I COULD "Smile" while doing it. No, I guess not.

[bill440cars]

      You know, as the day of this funeral grows close, I don't know if I can do this or not? And, before anyone gets the wrong idea. There have been 2 other people die, that I knew and I could not bring myself to go to their funerals either. I feel like that if I do go into the funeral home and the service starts, THAT will be all I can stand and I will crack!
Brenda has been gone for 6 months now AND I still am having problems. I WILL let them know WHY I can't attend, IF I don't go. I just don't know. The funeral is Wednesday, so I don't have much time to make up my mind. AND the fact that my Wedding Anniversary is only days away (2 days after the funeral), doesn't help either. 

[78 k550]

Sorry to hear of this Bill.

Paul

[bill440cars]

Sorry to hear of this Bill.

Paul

  Appreciate THAT Paul. I have to get my act together, but don't think it will happen just yet though. I just don't know.

[fmctm1sw]

Bill,

I'm a real basket case at funerals too.  Won't get into any details but I humbly mention this will be the absolute last time you will be able to see this individual in his worldly form.  I had a friend the wasn't going to go see his mother as her end was coming and I told him regardless of the situation, be there to say what you need to say and bring a closure to it.  There won't be a "tomorrow" to wait for to say something.  He went and thanked me later.  Good luck to you and let the good Lord guide you to the right decision.

[bill440cars]

Bill,

I'm a real basket case at funerals too.  Won't get into any details but I humbly mention this will be the absolute last time you will be able to see this individual in his worldly form.  I had a friend the wasn't going to go see his mother as her end was coming and I told him regardless of the situation, be there to say what you need to say and bring a closure to it.  There won't be a "tomorrow" to wait for to say something.  He went and thanked me later.  Good luck to you and let the good Lord guide you to the right decision.

         I appreciate your input on this. In the past, Ive gone to them, problem or not. But the last funeral I went to was Brenda's. Just the thought of being in there and going through the "ritual", just really makes me start to have the sense of HER funeral all over again! Plus, I was already out of sorts from going through Christmas (without her) AND in just a few days (the 8th), Our Wedding Anniversary will be here. I've thought long and hard and Prayed about it as well. I'll SEND my condolences, but I just can't go (I've had to pass on 3 funerals since July, as it is). I KNOW that it is the Love For Brenda, that is giving me such a hard time of trying to let go and attempt to move on, as best I can. I just don't want to put myself in the position of having to quickly excuse myself. At Brenda's funeral, I was the lst one to pass by the open casket AND, I had to force myself to move on past it AND also, to give the okay to go ahead and close it. It sure wasn't easy. Now, IF they did them like they used to do (at the cemetery) and "Lower the Casket into the ground, while we were there, I would have come completely "Unglued". That would have been IT for me, as I was on the verge anyway.

                                       Thanks again for YOUR input too, Bill   

[BobbyR]

Bill, I think you ave tested yourself enough in the past year. Your Dad's situation and losing the lovely Brenda. Perhaps a note expressing your condolences and how you truly understand how they feel having lost Brenda. If I were your CO I would not send you out on a mission like that right now.

[bill440cars]

Bill, I think you ave tested yourself enough in the past year. Your Dad's situation and losing the lovely Brenda. Perhaps a note expressing your condolences and how you truly understand how they feel having lost Brenda. If I were your CO I would not send you out on a mission like that right now.

           I hear ya Bobby, and basically, that's what I plan to do. Your input goes along with what I was thinking and sorta verifies it to me. I'll show no disrespect, but if they don't try to understand, that's THEIR problem. We weren't REALLY what I'd call "friends" anyway (at least, not with the definition that I was taught, that a friend should be like). He liked to hob knob with the bosses too much for me. Personally, I went to work, tried to do the best I could do, help anyone (anywhere) I could and go home. But, I was considered an "outsider" when I came up from Little Rock, to work there. The rest of them were local "Good Ol' Boys", you know? I had to fight to earn MY place in that workforce. But, it was great for when the school would call to tell me that Karla just had a seizure, cause soon as I told MY boss that the school called, he would say, "Bye"! There I go, talking all over the place, instead of staying on the subject.
                         Thank you for the input Bobby, Bill    

[bill440cars]

      Well, I went to that meeting with some of the guys I used to work with at Fort Chaffee today. Should have seen the faces when I drove up in the old 69' GTX. Yeah, it was like old times, except now there is alot of gray (and white hair). Ended up being about 8 of us that were retired and then there were 4 who still work there. Pretty cool! Now, as soon as we left there, I went on my way, with them knowing that I wasn't going AND they understood why. As I was getting ready to leave the parking lot, I thought about it briefly and quickly decided to leave MY MARK on the parking lot! YEP, the old GTX has rear tires about 12" wide AND they left a very nice "signature" on the parking lot! With No real effort, I might add! Might should ad here, that I caught alot of flack over the 23 yrs I worked there, about my Mopars and I felt it was just deserts, to leave my Mark!

[78 k550]

How could they not understand.

It is always nice to meet up with old friends you haven't seen in many years.

So what are your plans on Friday? Nice quiet dinner? would be my choice.

Paul

[bill440cars]

How could they not understand.

It is always nice to meet up with old friends you haven't seen in many years.

So what are your plans on Friday? Nice quiet dinner? would be my choice.

Paul

       Well, back in the day, I'd had some run ins with a few of them, but now, I guess all that's behind us. We're mostly retired too.

       Friday, my plans are to get my Daughter and the young man that I work with, to work. Go eat breakfast at Calico County. Go take care of my Dad's blood sugar check and give him his insulin shot AND THEN go to the cemetery for a brief visit. Then I will head up to a restaurant  called the Ribeye (used to take Brenda there on special occasions or just when we needed some time together, as she really liked to go there), have a nice quiet lunch. Then will probably go home, go to the computer, click on http://www.mem.com/ContentDisplay.aspx?ID=14194607  (the website where Brenda's biography, photos and guest book are listed and WILL BE accessible there forever! I'll read the things that folks (mostly from here) have posted, look at the pictures and shed a few tears. Hopefully I can do that and get my composure back under control, before I see anyone. Don't know exactly how that sounds, but don't really care, it IS what I'll probably do. I HAVE to have my moments, if I'm to survive this. Once I get through this month, I think it will be easier, for a little while anyway. Time will tell. And I know it's going to take time. I just don't have a clue how much time. I'm kinda torn, I'd LIKE to be with Brenda, but I know that I have to be here to take care of my Daughter and my Dad, for sure. I manage to put up a pretty good front some of the time, but then there are times (mostly when I'm alone) that I can't put up that front. Been thinking about her alot for the last 2 months and this month will be the same. When it comes over me, I just feel so helpless. And I don't want to bring others down, you know?