Author Topic: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........  (Read 2990 times)

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Offline Frankenkit

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #25 on: January 10, 2010, 01:49:33 PM »
I've already laid an SBD under the covers, said "Wow... I think someone's baking cookies, do you smell that?" and when SO takes a deep sniff, foofed the sheets, releasing the methane bowel bomb contained within. Priceless, and totally worth the resulting beatings.
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Offline MickeyX

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #26 on: January 10, 2010, 01:50:02 PM »
we had a guy who had no sense of smell and really had some unbelievable farts. so imagine this... a customer comes in to talk about us printing their book, like readers digest... he is shaking their hand as he's letting go a silent but deadly... we'd be across the room and could tell when he did it... they would be trying to back away, hold their breath, not talk, turning green and gray. priceless.
his used to make me gag and he would let it go just inside the door as he started his shift so that everyone leaving at the end of our shift had to walk through it. #$%*r.
did I mention he had a lower sense of taste too because of the lack of smell. He loved nasty peppers and all kinds of stomach destroyers. #$%*r.
then there were the guys who, on the press, you're in a unit rewebbing and they'd let a harsh one out and there you are with your hands full of paper and can't go anywhere. #$%*rs.
or my 4 older brothers with my dad in the lead. in the morning trying to eat my cereal before school and they are taking turns lifting their cheeks to see who can blow the longest and loudest. made my milk curdle. #$%*rs.
or my dad coming along with mom and I grocery shopping. he'd go over next to an elderly woman and let a loud one go. then he'd look at her all shocked and say "Madam!!" and walk away like she hurt his feelings. ok, ok, that one I always found funny and would lose it in hysterics. My mom wasn't as amused.  ;D

« Last Edit: January 10, 2010, 06:02:36 PM by MickeyX »
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Offline bucky katt

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #27 on: January 10, 2010, 01:53:39 PM »
i've done that to my wife and step-daughter before. for some odd reason they dont think it's funny when i do that LOL
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
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Offline mrblasty

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #28 on: January 10, 2010, 11:53:36 PM »
I've already laid an SBD under the covers, said "Wow... I think someone's baking cookies, do you smell that?" and when SO takes a deep sniff, foofed the sheets, releasing the methane bowel bomb contained within. Priceless, and totally worth the resulting beatings.
Effin funny!

When I worked in a warehouse I would bust ass as I passed a supervisor on the parts floor and then stop them by pointing at the floor I just passed over and say "Do you see that?" They would look and not see anything so I would insist that they look closer, as they leaned in to get a closer look I would say " You see that that? Right there? I just farted." as they would push their faces into my ass cloud.  It was a thing of beauty I tell ya.
I farted and made my son cry.
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Offline 78 k550

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #29 on: January 11, 2010, 05:33:32 PM »
So now you've stooped to blaming the cat!? 

That's low, man.  Really low... ;) ;D ;D

Help, I cant get back up  LMAO

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Offline Duke McDukiedook

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #30 on: January 12, 2010, 02:27:14 PM »
I've already laid an SBD under the covers, said "Wow... I think someone's baking cookies, do you smell that?" and when SO takes a deep sniff, foofed the sheets, releasing the methane bowel bomb contained within. Priceless, and totally worth the resulting beatings.

Hmmm.... you think she would learn after the second or third time.  ::)

Sounds like a fonzanoon to me...  ;)
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Offline Steve F

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #31 on: January 12, 2010, 06:02:58 PM »
From our humor section, "A Senior Moment"...

An elderly couple was attending church services.   About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, " I just let out a silent fart what do you think I should do?"

He replied, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

 :D

Offline bucky katt

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #32 on: January 12, 2010, 06:24:25 PM »
i've been threatened with severe bodily harm if i EVER do a dutch oven on my wife ever again.
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain - Notebook, 1894

MötleyRöx

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #33 on: January 12, 2010, 09:16:57 PM »
i've been threatened with severe bodily harm if i EVER do a dutch oven on my wife ever again.

So, you've learned the line... now tiptoe around it a bit.   ;D

Offline Frankenkit

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #34 on: January 12, 2010, 09:23:00 PM »
Idle threats, Buck. Idle threats.  I say you have every right to play the colonic calliope right where you are.  over there. Way, waaaay, over there. :D
"Moderation in all things - especially moderation. Too much moderation is excessive. The occasional excess is all part of living the moderate life."
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Offline bucky katt

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #35 on: January 12, 2010, 09:24:57 PM »
i DID stand in front of the fan by her desk this evening till i played the "butt trumpet" lucky for me my wife is kind of slow and decrepit otherwise i'd have gotten my ass kicked LOL
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain - Notebook, 1894

Offline clarkjh

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #36 on: January 13, 2010, 03:24:13 AM »
I let a nice 10 sec one go just outside my sons room last night, too bad it wasn't toxic like it sounded.  Rattled the windows.

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Offline tsflstb

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #37 on: January 13, 2010, 06:36:44 AM »
The most disruptive one I've heard of is an electrician working at one of our natural gas compressor stations.  Natural gas is about 95% methane and they have these detectors everywhere that can sense an explosive atmosphere in case something leaks.  After the emergency shutdown with all the lights, sirens and blowdowns, we isolated the cause to a single detector at butt level in the control panel he was working on.  He finally owned up to it.

Offline clarkjh

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #38 on: January 13, 2010, 10:53:09 AM »
The most disruptive one I've heard of is an electrician working at one of our natural gas compressor stations.  Natural gas is about 95% methane and they have these detectors everywhere that can sense an explosive atmosphere in case something leaks.  After the emergency shutdown with all the lights, sirens and blowdowns, we isolated the cause to a single detector at butt level in the control panel he was working on.  He finally owned up to it.

Did he get in #$%* for the fart? or did they just let it pass.  ;D ;D

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Offline MickeyX

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #39 on: January 13, 2010, 01:56:11 PM »
Well done, clarkjh!  ;D

I love this thread.
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Offline bucky katt

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #40 on: January 13, 2010, 01:59:03 PM »
our vet about peed herself laughing when i told her about Hamish, the chili and this thread. funny thing now, he wont even think about taking people food now. he actually ran off when i offered him a piece of chicken breas i had cooked to do a spinach/chicken salad. i guess the gas probably wasnt pleasant for him either.
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain - Notebook, 1894

Offline sangyo soichiro

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #41 on: January 13, 2010, 01:59:37 PM »
i've been threatened with severe bodily harm if i EVER do a dutch oven on my wife ever again.


I thought it was called a hot box....   ???   :)
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Offline bucky katt

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #42 on: January 13, 2010, 02:00:54 PM »
all depends on what part of the country youre in and what country youre in. i've also heard it called a redneck gas chamber.
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain - Notebook, 1894

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #43 on: January 13, 2010, 02:06:46 PM »
If I need to get back at momma, it is Ranch Style Beans and bread - For me and the three kids!  The kids love those beans.  Daddy, can I get more?  hehe
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Offline sangyo soichiro

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #44 on: January 13, 2010, 02:07:05 PM »
PS: Is always nice to have an animal or small child close at hand to blame it on.  ;D ;D

Reminds me of a joke...

A guy goes out on a first date with a girl.  After the movie, they go to her house where she has a dog named Rover.  The guy has to fart, so he decides to squeak one out and let the dog take the blame.  The girl smells it and yells "Rover!"  The guy thinks, "hey, that worked pretty well.  I've got another one I might as well pinch off."  The girl smells it and again yells "Rover!"  The guy, feeling pretty brazen drops another one off and the girl yells, "Rover!  Get away from him before he #$%*s on you!"
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MötleyRöx

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #45 on: January 13, 2010, 05:41:48 PM »
Srsly.  I'm about to report this thread.   :-X

Offline bucky katt

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Re: the wife left a bowl of the chili i made yesterday.........
« Reply #46 on: January 13, 2010, 05:51:55 PM »
ok no worries, thread locked. i never meant to offend anyone
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain - Notebook, 1894