your still here
question is do you get going and do new things
or stay the same
when something like that happens in my life i remember the good times
but start new good times
You are right, I am STILL here. I am trying to move on and it is SLOW going, I can tell you. AND I keep getting pulled back somewhat, at times. I definitely remember the GOOD times and thing is, WE were doing those times for over 38 years (38 and 1/2) and it Ain't easy, it's like starting over only, I'm not that young anymore. I've got all kinds of thoughts going through my head like (for example) there are things in our home that were Brenda's (like her piano, her curio cabinet with her Santa Clause collection, her spoon collection (that has only about 4 empty spots, thanks to SOHC4 folks who have graciously chipped spoons from their locations AND I THANK YOU ALL for that) and pictures that have been on our walls for nearly 29 years (not to mention photo albums and keepsakes of her's from her early years at home with her folks. All of this not only takes up room, I don't think I could just put it in storage, if I were to meet someone who I could take up with (and even though Karla, my Daughter has said that what ever would make ME happy, is what she wants, I don't know how she would take, having this stuff removed from the home. And I don;t know how I would be about that either). I guess, my problem now, is all of the "What ifs". Or maybe the "What would I do, IF".
You see, I KNOW these things:
1. I KNOW that Brenda is gone
2. I know that I HAVE to move on with MY life
3. I know I have to make sure My Daughter is taken care of
4. I know that I have to take care of my Dad AND FINISH what
He and I started with the S & S Team (kinda backed off for a
bit til I could try to get my act BACK together again)
5. I know that I have to keep my Dad pacified ( he has an
anurisum on the main aorta by his stomach and the Doctors
don't want to operate because they are convinced that he
wouldn't survive the surgery. So, I have to try to make sure
he doesn't get his blood pressure up, as the thing could burst
and he'd be gone.
6. I know that Life goes on and we need to go on as well.
7. AND I KNOW that the support and understanding from here
has Helped me SO much AND I Thank You All for THAT!
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8. I know that God will see me through all things and I also feel
that I came to this place, for a reason, that I didn't know
about and that was because of all the fantastic support I
would get here. No One will convince me that I am wrong
about that.
Understand, I'm NOT losing it, I am just letting you all in
on things that go through MY head off and on nearly every day. And I think that the fact that I can hold a decent conversation about Cars, Bikes or whatever, says alot about my (even though slowly) getting my act together. My conversations here, will be getting even more so about mechanical things and yet giving support as it is needed by others. I can tell, in my everyday life, that I am starting to finally be able to start getting things organized again and I AM feeling GOOD about that, I can tell you.
Thank you ALL for Listening AND for ALL of you kind
and supporting words, Bill
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