Topic: Parent rant

[ColinMc]

Syth, i'm not defending Raul...but how would he NOT justify himself when you keep on saying he "beats" his child....i'd get pretty riled up too.

[mlinder]

I'd say mid 60's ish. Not really an excuse not to evolve though.

That's not really fair, Syth. I'm willing to bet that a large portion of your current values will exist mostly in tact in 33 years, regardless of how 'outlandish' the social values of the year 2043 are.

[Raul CB750K1]

How would have I reacted BEFORE the aunt's mom chimes in?

-"Kid! That's not the way to return the bottle to the table. Please pick it up and place it on the table the way it should.


Because, syth82, your kid didn't throw the bottle because of lazyness as you said, he just did that to show his displeasure for not being allowed to take the bottle with him. If it were for lazyness, he would throw dishes, forks, spoons etc all the time, even at home, but I'm willing to bet he doesn't, because he knows very well what's the right way to put things on a table. In your situation, the threat of spank was out of context in my opinion, but the kid needed some help to deal with his own frustration.


Maybe that's the point where you got confused and think that we the "spankers" are all the same than your aunt's mother and do that because we are unable to understand children, feel love, dialogue with kids etc, and that by explaining ourselves we just try to confort our own minds. The barrier between dialogue and spanking is very blurry and change from people to people, from level of education, income, etc, and obviously, from their own experience as kids.


Parenting is a magical thing, because it seems that everybody think he knows enough of it without having to be taught anything. I remember a mother of a girl that attended kindergarten with my daughter, complaining about how the teacher "didn't understand her little girl". Maybe so, it was herfirst daughter, but it was probably the 200th baby going though the teacher's class. The teacher may know a thing or two about kids, if only because of experience, and being isolated from affectional bias, she probably know the little girl more than her own mother. I have read many books about parenting, probably as many as about motorcycles. In neither of them support spanking, if only because it is not "politically correct", and I have always tried to put their teachings into action, but some of them didn't work. There are no magical recipes, some things work with some kids and some other don't, I have found that translated books doesn't mean much because cultural differences are inmense. I can't put into action many things about child education written by americans, when the education at school in Spain is so different that my kid would become a "rara avis". Education is very complex, it is made by parents, family, school, even groups of friends.


Sorry, I forgot you just wanted to hear that your aunt's mom was a prick. We haven't heard the other side of the story though. Maybe your kid misbehaved during the whole visit, like jumping on the couch and the like, and the old woman just got fed up that the parent wouldn't react and had to react herself.

I have had to leave because my kid was embarrassing me, and it was either spanking him in front of others, pretending nothing happened and know I won't be invited again, or admit my kid was not behaving appropiately and it was better to postpone the visit for some other time. There is nothing wrong with that.

[syth82]

Syth, i'm not defending Raul...but how would he NOT justify himself when you keep on saying he "beats" his child....i'd get pretty riled up too.

Please point out where I said anything about Raul hitting his kid before he did. 

[mlinder]

Syth, i'm not defending Raul...but how would he NOT justify himself when you keep on saying he "beats" his child....i'd get pretty riled up too.

Please point out where I said anything about Raul hitting his kid before he did.  

That's the problem. He said "spanking" and you said "beating".
For you, there's no difference. For a lot of us, the difference is huge.

Again, it's your right to decide how your child is disciplined.
But it's Rauls right to discipline his child in the way he sees fit, as long as the spanking is not being physically abusive. I know that's a difficult thing to quantify,  but a responsible, moral person is able to recognize the difference. Deciding that you are uncomfortable with any of it is your right, too.

[Raul CB750K1]

That's the problem. He said "spanking" and you said "beating".
For you, there's no difference. For a lot of us, the difference is huge.

I'm glad I wasn't the only one to notice that he was assuming something that I not only haven't said, but not even implied.

Not being english my mother tongue, it could have happened that, contrary to what I thought, "spank", "beat" and "hit" were synonimous. Again, I'm glad that I had the meaning of those words right.

I guess my point is clear by now, and definitely it was not to start a debate about spanking.


I'm off this thread.

[ColinMc]

Syth, i'm not defending Raul...but how would he NOT justify himself when you keep on saying he "beats" his child....i'd get pretty riled up too.

Please point out where I said anything about Raul hitting his kid before he did.  

That's the problem. He said "spanking" and you said "beating".
For you, there's no difference. For a lot of us, the difference is huge.

Again, it's your right to decide how your child is disciplined.
But it's Rauls right to discipline his child in the way he sees fit, as long as the spanking is not being physically abusive. I know that's a difficult thing to quantify,  but a responsible, moral person is able to recognize the difference. Deciding that you are uncomfortable with any of it is your right, too.

Exactly, "hitting" "beating" and "spanking" are all VERY different words with different connotations. They are most certainly NOT interchangeable. I'm not saying you should spank your child and there is no other way to be a good parent. I was just saying how I could understand Raul getting riled up when you really were twisting his words.

Obviously you two disagree on parenting styles, so things ramped up quickly is all.

I think part of the issue with the family member butting in might be a generational thing as well. She probably honestly thought she was helping you is all. I doubt she did it to intentionally undermine you or ruin your day. Then again I don't know her so she could be a mean biotch lol.

[sangyo soichiro]

Raul seems like a thoughtful, caring father.  Read over this thread and judge for yourself who does, and who does not display emotional volatility.  Raul's comments are neither accusing, nor emotionally charged. 

[syth82]

I apologize to those I have offended. Spanking is obviously a hot topic issue. It is something I feel pretty strongly about (bet you couldn't guess that). I tried, admittidly poorly, to keep of the spanking is right/wrong debate. I was looking for opinions regarding one instance involving a stranger threatening my child. A threat of pain in response to a fairly minor infraction. Again, I do feel strongly on the issue of spanking. I know others do also. I know I disagree with many on the issue. And I also stand by the point that Rauls origional post had almost nothing to do with my post. Other people on both sides of the issue offered opinions regarding my post, and I appreciate those responses.

[mlinder]

No need to apologise for your beliefs. But an apology for insisting someone beats their child when in fact they spank when necessary might be in order, regardless of whether you feel their post had anything to do witht he subject at hand.

[syth82]

Yeah, I could have watered down my teminology a little..... 

[mlinder]

Yeah, I could have watered down my teminology a little..... 

We're all friends here.

Kinda.


As Paulages said, you can disagree with someones beliefs on a given subject without disliking them.

[syth82]

That is a wise statement.

Have to say I also can think of one or two people I greatly dislike, though I agree with them on many fundimental issues...

[mlinder]

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Aristotle

[buffalogt750]

Just out of curiosity,  if your kid threw the water bottle and startled Grandma who then stumbled and fell into the stove and got severely burned by a pot of boiling water, what would your response have been?

[Rocking-M]

I was looking for opinions regarding one instance involving a stranger threatening my child. A eople on both sides of the issue offered opinions regarding my post, and I appreciate those responses.

Not going into the spanking debate, we raised 2 boys so that probably tells you where I'm at on that one.

Syth, just a small observation, you were the stranger in her home. She wasn't the stranger.

[noahspop]

Your response to your relative should have been "thanks for the input, but I'm the parent and I'm handling it." You have to realize that she comes from a different generation of parenting.
Not to be off base here buy your kid acted like a little brat. They tend to do that now and then.
I would have taken away something, or thrown their butt in the corner (nose against the wall), and reminded them that when they are someone elses home they to be nothing but respectful.

This may be an off base coment also: We don't send our kids to daycare, never have never will. It is not some one elses rsponsibillity to raise our children. I understand if you are a single parent, but truthfully your child wants to be with and learn from a parent, instead of the two new cars in the driveway, and a pool in the back yard.

I understand that every family has different circumstances, but sacrifices have to be made. Thats what we did when we first started having children, and we still make sacrifices to this day.

Both of our boys, 6 and 2 are very respectful in public, for the most part.
spanking has its place. Usually just to get their attention, a swat or two on the bottom, then thrown in time out. Man that works wonders.

Two great forms of information reagarding child rearing are: Dr. Laura, and Nanny 911.

[Alan F.]

To keep my answer on topic......
if it's my house and the parent is not in the room or nearby I'll speak to the child about the matter informing them that their behavior was unacceptable.  This is usually enough for them to seek the shelter of one of their parents who will ask what happened and deal with it. 

If the child's parent(s) are nearby AND they become involved it's their responsibility to deal with the matter.  If the child's parent(s) don't do anything....well they're on my #$%* list and won't get quality hospitality or conversation from me anytime soon. 

Kids will be kids, one cannot expect them to be little adults more than a very small amount of the time.

There is the possibility that this woman was unaware of your parental status as indicated by the way you were addressing your son.
Some people are their kids' friends and some are authority figures.

Simply put, if a parent doesn't assume authority over their child, the child will assume absolute authority without accountability in all things.

You exercised your parental authority as you saw fit, no malicious intent or damage were inflicted, it was a simple matter of your son's procedure.

I'd have told her off.  If you didn't, you showed more respect for her than she showed for you.  Her disrespect for your son and for your parental status were improper.
Look at it this way, how many others were there?  And she's the only one who spoke out?
There's simply one in every crowd.

-Alan

[tramp]

you raise your child the way you want
let the kid know what spanking is
let him know how you feel about it, that way there will be an understanding on the subject
good luck on raising your kids

[Don R]

I didn't have to spank my 3, I could make them cry just by giving them the Evil eye. They were always well behaved and never spanked, except the oldest once, I think she told the other two it was possible.
 That said my Dad beat my brothers butt once, and after my mom told me she was older now and didn't think she could pull him off me like she did for my brother, I thought very carefully about my actions. He never touched me, didn't have to.
 Now mine are grown up and sometimes they call home to ask if they ever acted like some of their friends kids. Said they were sorry if they did.

[edbikerii]

I'da marched that kid off to a corner immediately.  He would have stood in said corner until he learned that you can't grow up acting like a spoiled little bastard.

Kids need discipline and limits, for their own good.

But kids learn behavior from their parents, so there you go.  You should have been embarrassed by your son's bad behavior, but instead you got angry at the grandma?  Seems like you needed some more spanking when you were a child.

Sorry, I hope I haven't "watered down my terminology" or anything.

[Caaveman82]

Syth you are justified in being upset about this matter, but I would also not take it too seriously.

I think you feel like your parenting was being challenged and it really wasn't like that. Just like you have your own way, so does the old maid.

I got spanked to the verge of beating. My mother was also a good for nothing welfare leach and a drug addict.

We all have our own heirchy of dicipline with our kids and if it works for that individual kid, without scaring them for life, then that is what you should do.

Mine? I try first to talk. If talking doesn't work I will raise my voice slightly to make sure she hears me. If that doesn't work it's time out. If she refuses to sit in time out she looses some toys for a week or so. That is usually as far as it has to go. One time it did not work and she threw the wireless mouse at the television while having a tantrum, I spanked her. First and only time to date, but I did not beat her. She knew, probably as soon as she got over my knee that I was really serious about this.

I do not enjoy it nor do I promote it. Some times however certain situations call for a slightly harsher punishment than what is normally dished out. If it never comes to this then great, if it does then so be it. It never killed anyone.

I have spanked my kid one time. Would I let anyone else spank my kid? Absolutely not. Are you blowing it slightly out of proportion? Maybe... old folks are set in there ways. It's not an excuse it's a fact. You need to take it with a grain of salt and just let it pass my friend, let it pass.

[demon78]

The great revelation for my two daughters was when my oldest became a social worker and after talking to her sister for awhile called me up  and uttered the classic statement " dad how come you didn't strangle both of us?" witch kind of rattled me at the time. I think the difference between boys and girls is boys have a tendency to got at each other hammer and tong, then it's over, girls on the hand will pick at something for years (usually each other) and finally many moons later will say that it's over forgive me.
As far as hitting my kids went, I agree with Raul, the whole community is or should be involved with their raising, that may be one of the great failings of modern society, that it is no longer possible to have that feeling of community support, but having said that if a stranger offered violence of any sort to the girls, they would be dead. We actually moved from a city to the small town where they grew up, so that I could intimidate the local threats.
Bill the demon.

[syth82]

Seeing as this thread has been brought back from the dead, and I've had a few months to cool off, I guess I should comment. Though I'm pretty sure I've already said most of this.


Obviously I'm protective of my kids and I'm not a fan of corpral punishment. My son did do something he should not have.  I was trying to deal with it. The grandmother interupted me while I was talking to my son to threaten him with violence. Sure, community support is great. If you feel hitting kids is a good way to parent, I suppose that is up to you. If you think I'm not doing a good job as a parent, come talk to me about it. I don't see how one could think it is right to interupt me, while I'm in the middle of dealing with the problem, to threaten MY kid.

Just out of curiosity,  if your kid threw the water bottle and startled Grandma who then stumbled and fell into the stove and got severely burned by a pot of boiling water, what would your response have been?

This may be the stupidest thing I have ever read.

[Caaveman82]

Just out of curiosity,  if your kid threw the water bottle and startled Grandma who then stumbled and fell into the stove and got severely burned by a pot of boiling water, what would your response have been?

This may be the stupidest thing I have ever read.

+ 1 on that dude, lol. What if granny shat herself?! lol