Sarah: I've been asked to get married hundreds of times.
Miriam: (surprised) Really?! By whom?
Sarah: My parents.
Ask any man and he will tell you that any woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in
the Jewish version of this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park, and expresses an opinion, without anybody around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Beckie: "You'll be sorry - I'm going to leave you.
Milton: "Make up your mind - which one is it going to be?"
Two Jewish businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up in the morning. I have a fantastic breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda and relax. I go inside
for lunch, have great salads, the best coffee, and I go out and lie on my veranda again.
When it gets dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again."
The other Jewish gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife.
She asked, "What's his wife's name?"
Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda
Q. What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails so long and beautiful?
A. Nothing, nothing at all.
