Just to reiterate and notwithstanding the spitting/popping from #1; if none of the cylinders are showing a vacuum on the carbtune, then the problem/leak must be common to all.
I've read & read this thread & have to agree with Brian G.
Whatever has happened here is common to all 4.
This is a long shot, but has anything happened with your exhaust system during all of this. You haven't plugged the outlet have you?
Has somebody stuffed a potato up your tailpipe?
A blocked exhaust will produce all the symptoms that mysteriously appeared here.
How about you drop the muffler off & try again?
This sounds so much like a few cars I've encountered with melted down cat converters/blocked mufflers.