Well when I was a 17 year old Army recruit, my Platoon Sergeant, "Bulldog" Barnes, (think of that guy in "Full Metal Jacket, but with an Aussie accent) sent me to the cross and told me to get myself a decent root (he was a vulgar chap, but too scary to ignore) and not to come back until I did.
Following his orders to a "T", I embarked in search of a willing recipient of my long anticipated glee. As I wandered thru the cross, a woman of Julia's age and proportions, who was leaning up against a wall, warbled past her cigarette, "Want a girl, Darling?". "Yes please," I said, looking around excitedly for said girl. She took my little pink hand in her hairy callused fist and escorted me into a "Hotel", that apparently charged by the hour.
She lead me into a room with only a stained mattress on the filthy carpet. "Hmmnn, purpose built", I thought to myself. I was still looking for this "girl" that she'd offered me, when she ordered me to take my pants off. Being a good soldier, I immediately dropped 'em. "In the Army, are we?" She asked. "Why yes" I blushed, wondering how she'd deduced that information, then I looked down, and realised that I was wearing my bottle green Army issue boxers........
Much to my horror, she laid down on the mattress and invited me to "climb aboard". I suddenly realised, that said "girl" was in fact this hoary old tart. Talk about false advertising, she hadn't been a "girl" since Bob Menzies was Prime Minister!