Topic: When have you dealt with a crazy person?

[flybox1]

the past 8 days.
Long story short.  The MIL came up for 3 weeks to help out my wife with our 9week old twin GIRLS (and our 4 and 7year old BOYS)  Cool....as long as wifey is happy. 
the help soon dissapeared.  opinions on how we SHOULD parent came frequently.  
and the last straw.... my wife left to get groceries.  30 min trip, no biggie. both my boys were watching tv before bed.  i had both girls and they were fussy.  no prob, i've handled carb, valve and timing issues that were more frustrating. time to change diapers, and the fussing turned to screaming.  the MIL is STILL downstairs, unwilling to come up to lend a hand.  no worries, i dont expect her to come up....and ive done this before. calmly, i change one of my daughters and get her chilled while the other is still crying.  take calm daughter downstairs and HAND her to MIL.  head back upstairs to handle diaper and crying daughter #2.  get her all sorted out and calmed.

Wifey gets home, babies are quiet.  she starts feeding our girls, and MIL, angry & crying "cant take the screaming babies", "you are bad parents for ALLOWING them to scream like that"...etc.

I told her to get the eff out.    she cant complain when she wont step up to 'fix' what she's complaining about, and then insult me and out parenting in MY house.

she left yesterday.    

11 days early  

No apology, no nothin'.
my wife and i are on the same page.  she needed to go.. she's done this to other family members too, her sons wife...MY MOTHER!!!! MY NEIGHBORS!!!  she stickes her nose where it doesnt belong, forces her opinions on others, and pushes them away.  she only thinks of herself.  she doesnt see this.  its been going on for too long.  It hurts my wife.
I now join the ranks of those who will never speak to my MIL again.  for the next 2 days, she tried to act as if nothing happend. showering the kids with gifts.  it all went back.  i had no response to her attemps at converstion.

its like those paranormal home exorcism shows.  
all is bright and sunny and everyone is at peace once the demons are gone.  

[KeithTurk]

Been there...  it's hard though cause she's honestly trying to help you ....  not that she has a clue how to actually do that....

She raised your wife... so maybe she's not a Complete and udder POS...   ( there could be parts missing )

Try not to box yourself to deep in the corner just yet.... let it ride a bit and then decide the worthless Nag isn't allowed around your children for the rest of her natural life....

Mostly.... Chill a bit honestly...  and remember.... you can't pick your family...   ( friends you own... but family is foisted upon you )

[6pkrunner]

Wife's step-father's daughter is the same. Her son's daughter just got married on the weekend and she wasn't invited. Everyone thought she'd show up and cause a scene, but thankfully she didn't. The only reason I can see is that she didn't know where the wedding was. She has two sons and neither of them, nor her 5 grandchildren will even talk to her or ever want to see her again.

Sad how some people go through life.

[flybox1]

lol...the kids can see her, but only short, supervised visits  
6pk...yeah, i hear ya.

...EXAMPLE #2
every year, i take my wife and kids to Mexico for a week.  good family fun.
this past year, my wife was 7 1/2 months pregnant with our girls, and getting along great, when the trip came about.
Wifey TOLD me to take the boys down there for some good 'sons-dad time', so we got a refund on her ticket.
The MIL had the nerve to call MY MOTHER, and chew her out for allowing me to leave for a week when my wife needs me the most.    WTF?!?!?  
my mom hung up on her, and blocked all calls from her....

[Uncle Ernie]

It's different for men and women.
Almost married but not Thank God girlfriend's father comes to visit.  He starts in.  After a while I tell him this is MY house and he is a GUEST, I am such-and-such age and was HE as stupid as he thinks I AM at that age and if I want to put my feet on the coffee table after working my butt off ALL DAY to pay for all this then by God that's what's going to happen and if he has a problem I'll be gladd to arrange a motel.  For HIM.  
He saw my point and got over it.

Now her mother.  GR hands the phone over to me in the middle of the night because her mother keeps calling and cries.  "I just want things to go back to the way they w-w-w-were-re-re!"  After forever compressed into an hour, I say, "Things are the way they are now because of the way things were, dear."   So that stops her for a while..."What do you mean?"   I mean you squeeze everyone so hard they can't get awa y but finally they squish out around the edges and go away anyway.  Emotional blackmail doesn't work forever, in case you haven't noticed.  You've been going on for an hour now and we both need to work tomorrow so I'm going to hang up now but I want you to know I sure am glad you can talk to us and keep the lines of communication open,  Goodnight-"

Next day I called HER to see how she's doing.  I force big hugs on her no matter how much she hates it.  I'm on the offensive. I'm killing her with kindness.  
She would take a bullet for me now.

[Gordon]

My wife and I both lucked out in the MIL department.  Her mom doesn't have the greatest brain-to-mouth filter, but neither does my wife (that's one of the things I've always liked about her), so I can deal with it, but both of our moms are pretty helpful and are good at knowing what not to say.  

The only crazy people I have to deal with on a regular basis are customers at work, and they're the spoiled-rich, entitled, self-important type of crazy that you just have to pity because you know they're never happy with the way anything is going in their lives.  

After reading your post I'll be doing my best not to feel overwhelmed taking care of just my two kids (2 1/2 year old and 6 month old) while trying to get some housework done.

[sangyo soichiro]

Been there...  it's hard though cause she's honestly trying to help you ....  not that she has a clue how to actually do that....

She raised your wife... so maybe she's not a Complete and udder POS...   ( there could be parts missing )

Try not to box yourself to deep in the corner just yet.... let it ride a bit and then decide the worthless Nag isn't allowed around your children for the rest of her natural life....

Mostly.... Chill a bit honestly...  and remember.... you can't pick your family...   ( friends you own... but family is foisted upon you )

I'll echo this, and add that the secret to life is living with no regrets.  Suck it up, be the better person, and don't be hurtful to her.  Believe me, you don't need any ghosts haunting you later in life, if you know what I mean.

[Don R]

I do it like Uncle Ernie said. Anyone that gets in my stuff, I'm so nice to them it makes 'em sick. Talk to them when they try to avoid me. Etc. Learned it from a co-worker.

[mark]

Q: What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

























A: Outlaws are wanted.

 

[flybox1]

dang..you guys are making it tough.  
i already regret time spent trying to 'reconcile' over the years even though the behavior continues.  no one can tell her what to do.
In no way am i purposefully hurtful, but i'm not going to take personal attacks in my house and around my kids.
my wife and i made a deal that our kids would be raised in a house where there would be no yelling in anger.  I made it 7+ years.    Kids dont need to hear that sht.
it also doesnt help that FIL is kind of an enabler.  they are married/retired living in AZ.  we suspect she may have emotional/psycological/physiological issues, and FIL wont confront MIL to get help as it makes him look like another 'bad-guy', so he spends his days out on the golf course, just dealing with her when they are together.

[tramp]

got lucky with the wife and her parents
both had alot of common sense
and stayed away from problems that didn't involve them

[Uncle Ernie]

Mr Flybox, call her right now.  "What's up?"  ...huh?  "Just thought I'd call to say how lucky I feel that my wife has such a great mother."   
Tomorrow;  "How ya doin?"
Next day;  "Did you hear that joke David Letterman told about the heat?  Oh... So what do you like to watch on TV?"

And so on. 


Works for crazy people on the street, too.  I remember the time a homeless guy started harassing some tourists. I grabbed him and started singing a Christmas carole.  He was all smiles after that. 

[Don R]

I wasn't trying to give advise because there people and situations i've never been exposed to. Just rambling about what I try to do.

[ryder60]

Lots of folks make you wonder what the dynamics were in their family or origin.  I had a young woman work for me who had a degree in psychology and one time we were talking I asked her what she learned and she said she learned that some people can't see anything but them self and they can't seem to do anything about it.

The challenge for us is to know our boundaries and to set them in a respectful but clear way.  If you and your wife are good at staying on the same page you'll be fine.

[flybox1]

yes, we have a pretty open dialogue about this whole situation.  Although i understand Uncle Ernies 'kill them with kindness' approach, my wife and i both agree its best NOT to call, and just let it rest for a while.  she will call, as she always does....when she is ready to have a chat.
I also have to remember this is not MY mother.  If it were, it would have been dealt with completely by now. 

[74cb750]

Man, I etell ya,my in-laws were great.
They were happy that at least one of their 4 dughters maried someone normal.
RIP In Laws.

[Steve F]

read here......

http://forums.sohc4.net/index.php?topic=73727.msg819395#msg819395

It's been a few years now, but when I think about this guy, my blood boils.