Topic: My kids getting a bit bullied at school

[DavePhipps]

My son is 13 and he told me that there is now some kid that is pushing him into walls and lockers at school.
I've told him that he basicly has 2 options. Inform a teacher/school official, or kick the kids a$$.
We talked about the probable outcome of both.
The school official option, gets the kid in trouble, but he will probably seek revenge.
The butt kicking option my son and the other kid get into trouble but the kid will probably leave him alone after he gets a good thrashing.

There is a third option, maybe. The kid keeps telling my son to meet him downtown to fight. I was thinking about having my son say yes, and be waiting downtown with a few police friends.


Any thoughts? Maybe this should be a poll?

[Frankencake]

Assault and battery.  The bully is (and your son could be) guilty of both of them.  Back in the good old days, your kid would be able to thrash him (or get thrashed) and it would be over.  These day, lawyers and cops get involved.  If your cop friends then they can do the intimidation in a "cool" way.  You don't want the law really involved. 
You could talk to the kids parents without the bully knowing and set up a little subversive plan.  Talk to them and if they "get it", you should have the family over for dinner.  It will freak the bully out and the boys will probably end up friends.


  If that doesn't work, have your kid beat the other kid within an inch of his life with a broom handle, fishing pole, hockey stick, or something else.  Make sure that he know to make the first hit count and every one after that just as hard.  Hit him until the little #$%* doesn't move.  Then finish him with a kick to the balls.   

[flybox1]

I hate bullies!  
Its really risky dp, with kids sneaking weapons into school, having access to guns, etc.
whatever happend to the good old playground a$$ kicking!?!?

my youngest son is disabled.
his older brother has been instructed to do anything (martial arts/wrestling background) he needs to do to protect his younger bro at school. he understands he'll have to face the schools consequences, but he'll never be in trouble, EVER, with his mom or me.  somehow, you gotta stand up for whats right at a young age...

i feel for your kid.
i was him, until i'd had enough....

[wannabridin]

man, i'm only 26 and NEVER had these problems!  i was friends with everyone and didnt really even hear of any bullying going on at all!  WTF is with kids these days??

i'd be VERY careful about your kid kicking the other ones ass.  #1, make sure that the bully hits him first, and that there are friends of your son there to witness it.  #2, make each hit count, but don't take it so far that the kid is hurt for good.  you want the bully to know he messed with the wrong kid, that's it!

if it were me, i'd call the boys parents first.  if they're #$%*s about it, then you have to be careful if your son steps up and wins, because then the bullies parents will be pissed and want revenge themselves!! 

these days everything with violence is a slippery slope!  is there any taunting or is the bully just picking on him for NO reason?  usually a bully will stop with just a confrontation.  have your son ask him what his problem is in front of teachers and friends, that way he'll get embarrassed and maybe stop!  if he steps up, let him push your kid, then have him kick him in the nuts as hard as he can in front of everyone.  just have to make sure the little #$%* doesn't try to jump him outside of school or something, especially if they both walk home!

just my $.02

[Grnrngr]

Lots of kids have video capable cell phones these days...have one of your kids friends video the bully in action and file legal assault charges? Bullying seems to get a lot of publicity these days and legal action is being taken against schools that don't take steps to prevent that sort of crap, especially in light of the recent suicides of tormented gay students and girls who got cyber-bullied on "Myspace". back in the day, I'm 56 and dealt with a few back in jr. high.. option #2 was the norm, and I sometimes regret not having "stood up" for myself more than I did, but I'm basically a peaceful person, raised not to fight from my earliest recollection, and these days it's a bad decision from a legal standpoint. Karate or Boxing lessons maybe? The bully probably messes with other kids, maybe they could throw him a "blanket party" in the showers after gym class?

[nobody]

There really is no right answer here, unfortunately. Like was said above, physical altercations are taken a lot more seriously than they were just ten years ago. Everything has to be a major ordeal and it might not be terribly beneficial for your son to give this kid the old one two. Also, what if yuor son tries to stand his ground and just gets destroyed? That may just make things worse. Talking to the parents would likely result in more harrassment even if they agree with you about it being out of line.

As wimpy as it sounds, pacifism is probably the best option. Bullies thrive on reaction, if your son can learn to be unphased by anything he does, the bully may just find a new target who will give him some reward for his efforts.

[Raef]

I hate a bully, I think most are trying to make up for something they are missing (self esteem, confidence, a penis)

I was a wrestler and a runner and a couple years of Taekwondo, I had 2 girls so now I am a gymnastic coach. The youngest daughter and her best friend were having trouble with a couple boys playing grab ass. It was getting to be a problem, the school didn't stop it, I called the boys dad and that didn't stop it. One night at gymnastics practice I pulled the two girls aside and tought them a few things real quick and let that be that.

A couple days later I got a call from the school and I was told the two girls may get suspended for beating one of the boys bloody during lunch. I told the school "do what you will but you couldnt take care of the problem and they did", and one more thing, they will be rewarded by getting to pick anywhere they would like to go out to eat tonight after pratice.

they were never suspended and it all worked out but that is certianly is not the road for all to travel, you got to use the tools you have because there are plenty of ways to skin a cat.

[Duke McDukiedook]

Just have your kid try to avoid the punk, if he gets cornered and has to fight then so be it.
They call it self defense for a reason, you only use force when it is the last resort.

Wrestling or some other martial arts experience comes in handy at that point.
I got bullied once or twice in grade school to junior high but once I started wrestling and lifting weights in high school I didn't have to worry about being bullied any more. I had enough discipline and training to be able to handle myself in about any situation with any punk.

[tango911]

I was bullied 1/2 way through high school till i did a karate demo with my best friend, then the bullying stopped.

Id go talk to his dad, and if his dad is a prick too, id threaten to call the police if the shoving continues.  Bullies are not tolerated.  im only an hour from bloomington ill help


Right on Raef and dookiedook!!!!

[sangyo soichiro]

If you tell your kid to go fight, at least teach him a little self defense so he doesn't get beat up.  Don't send him out to fight without preparing him a little.  Maybe spar with him with boxing gloves, and wrestle with him.  It's one thing to tell him to just beat the other kid up, it's another thing to actually do it. 

I'm not urging an altercation, just saying if it comes to it, send a lion, not a sheep.

[Retro Rocket]

I'm not urging an altercation, just saying if it comes to it, send a lion, not a sheep.

At least if you send in a sheep you will find out if the bully is a Kiwi or not......

Sorry but i had to throw in some humour ...

If it were me i would get a friend to film the bullying on their camera a couple of times and then confront the school,if the school seems uninterested then i am sure the local news station will take an interest. That kind of publicity will make it go away pretty quick but if it doesn't then give him some of his own medicine.... Screw the politically correct approach, thats half the problem...

Mick

[DavePhipps]

I'm going to talk to his counselor, but I doubt that will help much. The schools around here are a bit apathetic sometimes.
I have been teaching him some of what I know, basic throws, blocks, and footing. I've never taken martial arts but I was one of those geeky kids that always got picked on. As such I got into lots of fights.
I've aslo been teaching him not to be the agressor.
A little background here, the other kid is a stoner that allegedy gets high with his parents, and has been seen snorting powders in class.
That doesn't make me hopeful about the parent to parent route.
If he defends himself in shcool he won't get in trouble with me.

BTW, after I showed him one of the throws I did say that a kick in the balls is a good option while the guy is down.

[Really?]

I want to say this has been used personally but I will never tell.   Seriously, imagine the kids friends when they keep smelling this day after day.  And no one gets caught!

[Duke McDukiedook]

Ixnay on talking to the parentsay, they are probably boobs anywayay to raise a bully.
Sign him up for wrestling or a martial arts class- aikido, jujitsu, jeet kune do or judo are good hand to hand martial arts to learn and teach self discipline. Plus, those martial arts are primarily defensive martial arts (with probably the exception of jeet kune do), you use your attacker's energy against them.

[bluezboy]

 i was bullied in grade school also by one kid.  One day I waited for him after school in the woods and proceeded to dust the floor with his butt. We became very good friends after that, go figure.

[Roach Carver]

I dont think he has time to get his black belt and besides, this is not the karate kid. Heres my 2 cents. I was picked on plenty in Jr high. I realized that win or lose I would rather fight than continually be hurt without fighting back. The bullies I fought were not looking for a fight despite what they may say. They are looking for approval from their friends. If you get them into a fight it takes all the fun out of it for them. They move on to easier targets. I disagree about letting the guy hit him first. He gets hit first he will likely lose. I suggest he wait to get his fill, punch him directly in the nose and let nature take its course. You get blood in someones eyes and it really diminishes their interest in fighting. generally there are a few punches and then a whole lot of roling around on the ground until someone breaks it up. then off to the office to sort it out. this is not hollywood and chuck norris cant help him now.

[DavePhipps]

My other advice to him wa s that if he gets into a fight with the kid just keep advancing on him no matter what the kid does. From experience, it's intimidating as hell (yes, I was on the receiving end). We've got a lot of stoner white trash rednecks here. I can say that because I was raised as one, I just try to not let it show that much.

Forgot to mention the bully is chubby and about 3-4 inches shorter than my son.

[72 yellow]

When my daughter was in high school she only had one altercation.  A fight broke out between 2 guys in the lunchroom.  One of the guys ended up on her table and splashed food on her new top.  She clocked him in the face and broke his jaw.  He was too embarrassed to say what happened and nothing, outside of a swollen hand, happened to her.  She was only 5'3" and about 110 lbs.
On a serious note we just had a incident here involving a 14 year old girl who accused a 18 year old classmate of rape.  She returned to school and was bullied to the point she killed herself.  The problem continued as kids posted hateful messages on Facebook after her death.  The charges were dropped against the male.  The next day it was announced he was being investigated in another similar incident.

[CaféElite]

If the kid is shorter and chubby then use that against him. Practice shoving your kid into the wall to show him how to side step and trip the kid, his momentum will take care of the rest. The embarresmant should take care of this issue but if your son wants to drive the point home after the trip drive his ass into the locker. This way he never has to throw a punch.

I was very small in HS, combine that with it being a hick school, the fact I skateboarded and listened to punk music made me a target my freshman year. What theydidnt know was skateboarding made me agile and the ability to take a good fall. I also have beastly uncles that love to fight so I got a good hands on education.

My first incident a junior just walked up and jacked me right at the bus stop. It barely moved me and he didn't how to take it when I started to laugh. What surprised him most as well as everyone else was the ass kicking my year older sister delivered to him seconds later. She is a mean girl and we don't get along but I guess she didn't like others hitting me. A month later another gave a go but I did like I suggested above.. Side step, tripped, knee to the gut and a slap to the ear. No one messed with me again.... Excluding family.   

 

[Freaky1]

I love the filming it angle, never thought of that! Forget the parents, if they come down on the kid then he'll just be more of a prick. It is a serious problem though and unfortunately most school's won't come down hard enough and too many parents don't give a #$%*. I'd say go the filming route if you can and get it in the school's face, put the ball in their side of the court. If nothing gets done, then I'd tell my kid to beat the crap out of him however you can, scratch, kick, hair, balls, anything and everything. Above all else, NO WEAPONS, I don't care if it's a stick off a tree because all that does is open bigger doors that have a lot more issues behind them. I was bullied for a very short time, I refused to put up with it and pounded the snot out of two people, never again.

[DH]

Three things that render a bully helpless: He can't see, He cant breath, or he can't stand up. Take away just one of those abilities
and he's done. Fight dirty, and somewhere there is authority nearby.
 Right here, right now, not downtown or anywhere else.Take the suspension (and nothing else) as punishment. And tell him to make no apoligies. And never, ever give anyone a reason to be an enemy.

[Really?]

I had two bullies from when I was 13 in HS.  I have a 32 year old grudge and would love to me them face to face.  I WILL DO THE TIME!  I know where one of them lives but I am not going to San Francisco to take care of it.

This grudge sux and I hate it.  If I had known about the butt cheese thing, I would have done it and prolly not had this grudge.  I would have a private chuckle for the rest of my life.

So, I guess my point here is if there is another way to get the bully back without getting hurt or involving the police and possibly messing up a good school record, do it.  Just make yourself feel better and not have to deal with something like I am still dealing with and will prolly deal with until the time comes that I finally close my eyes for good.

[gmonkey]

Ixnay on talking to the parentsay, they are probably boobs anywayay to raise a bully.
Sign him up for wrestling or a martial arts class- aikido, jujitsu, jeet kune do or judo are good hand to hand martial arts to learn and teach self discipline. Plus, those martial arts are primarily defensive martial arts (with probably the exception of jeet kune do), you use your attacker's energy against them.

In my limited experience, aikido is a beautiful thing but it always felt like the frosting on the cake, ie something you learn when you already know how to fight in order to kick some serious @ss.  You have to have been doing it for quite a while and be pretty good to actually use it in a fight other than doing a few things like freeing your hands and maybe the breakfalls which not all places even teach up until you're like 3rd kyu.  Judo gets you accustomed to being thrown around, choked and arm-barred right the h3ll away plus it builds muscle in a hurry so I would think that'd be more useful sooner (as in a few weeks).  This of course depends on how they're teaching it.  Every dojo's going to be different.  Hapkido is a good mix of throws and punches if you can find a place that teaches it.

Playing rugby, on the other hand, got me prepared for being thrown from a vehicle during a highway crash.  There I was just tumbling down the blacktop with my arms over my head thinking "Well, damn, this feels familiar..."

[Anti-Johnny]

I would suggest taking the higher ground here. Have a meeting with the principal. Inform him that you will be looking into it and pressing charges if necessary. Get him to put some pressure on the kid and the kids parents. Mentioning police usually gets officials to straighten up pretty quickly.

I was bullied in high school. It took me going off my hinges and nearly killing a kid before he left me alone. I regret having to do that. Violence and avoidance arent your only options.

[Frankenkit]

I was bullied pretty regularly in high school.  My only real solution was to live with it until I graduated... then I moved 1,500 miles away and privately laughed to myself watching all the bullies' lives slowly dissolve into muck from the safety and privacy of Facebook. 

I think at least half of it for your son is knowing that Dad cares about him.  It's a lot rougher when one or both of a kid's parents pick at them, too.

My dad sat me down and said "High school isn't your entire life, in fact it's usually 4 years of Hell for most people.  It doesn't last forever, though. "  Then the conversation turned to how dumb people both fail to have a sense of humor, AND don't like to be informed of how dumb they are... etc, etc, because my mouth got me in trouble a lot. 

After 3 years of that, Sr. year I got tough and told all the right people to eff off, and didn't get messed with too much.  ...mostly because my primary bully was at school during the day and county jail at night... but that's another long story.