Topic: First thanksgiving after the divorce

[DavePhipps]

Kids and I made the dinner. We only made things everyone liked. No overcooked vegatables, or dry turkey. Everyone got a quarter of a pumkin pie, and best of all no inlaws.
Best thanksgiving in years.

[Loki047]

Kids and I made the dinner. We only made things everyone liked. No overcooked vegatables, or dry turkey. Everyone got a quarter of a pumkin pie, and best of all no inlaws.
Best thanksgiving in years.

Congrats

[Raef]

the commercial version is not all its cracked up to be, happy thanksgiving

Mark

[seaweb11]

Must have felt calm considering.......Who got the house?

[DavePhipps]

Must have felt calm considering.......Who got the house?

She's got the house and all the headaches that go with it (bad foundation,wet basement, no insulation, bad wiring, bad plumbing)
I have the RV and my bikes.
Life is much more peaceful now. She and I can even have a civil converation now.
Best of all (again) no inlaws

[seaweb11]

As long as it worked out for you.
Going to cost me a fortune.

[DavePhipps]

Geez, good luck. It can be total chaos and heartbreak at first. I hope this doesn't cripple you financially, it did that to both sides in my case. We're both poor but happier, well at least I am. She seems as manic and overwhelmed as ever!

[medic09]

As long as it worked out for you.
Going to cost me a fortune  + to keep my house

Derek, I hope that doesn't mean what it sounds like. 

[Alan F.]

Congrats Dave, it's good to hear that things get better on the other side of the hump.  I'm probably staring at the beginning of the end myself and it's getting to me on all fronts. Not an intended hijack sorry, maybe another thread? there's probably an old one here somewhere actually. yes I'm incoherent, yes I'm sober, you know the stage where nobody knows anything (or is willing to talk about what they know) and everything feels like it's gonna be suddenly pulled out from under you? That's where I'm at now.

Anyway I'll smile for you and thank you for pointing out that there is a light at the end of the tunnel after all.

Thanks Dave,
Alan

[Stev-o]

This is starting to read like "the divorce thread"! It's not easy being married and I really never wanted to, but waited for "the one".

Hang in there guys...

[Alan F.]

It sure is good to know I'm not the only one going through this stuff though, a little support from unconditional friends like you guys goes a long way in my book.
I'm not the type to frequent 'social networking' sites, I'm just a guy interested in bikes and turning wrenches whose marriage has driven into a ditch. A little solidarity is a good thing in my opinion. 
Alan

We're not 'cutting up classics' here, or turning a 'low mileage creampuff' with rust free stock pipes into a cafe racer or chopper.........this 'bike' has been neglected and is a little far gone to debate bringing it back to stock.

If you get my meaning.

[Uncle Ernie]

Seems like an oubreak of epidemic proportions.
I can't afford my house alone, either- so I'm living with an alcoholic chain smoker (I didn't have a clue until I moved in...) who's way behind on the rent.  I hope to save enough money up for a first, last, deposit.  The sooner the better, too.

Dear Lord;  help me learn what lesson there is and get on with it ASAP. 

All i can figure so far is- if you have a wife you like, pay more attentionto her than you do to your "stuff".

[DavePhipps]

It really sucked at the beginning.
Wife and 11 year old were in a fight and he got hurt and she threatened him a bit more. I got between him and her. When she tried to get past me I oushed her back. She fell, called police and I got to spend 2 days in jail. Got out with no charges, but she got a restraining order so I was homeless.
Got a second job found a place to live and got my three older boys with me. She's thier stepmom.
There was much ill will between us, but I slowly worked to make her understand that all I want is my peace and sanity, not revenege.
It took a long time but we can talk now, and both of us realise that this is best for us. We couldn't keep living together being at each others throats.
If there are children involved it gets much more complicated. We have a 3 year old son together. Child support and visitation are big issues. If you can afford it, get legal help, because otherwise the other sides lawyer will screw you hard. My wifes lawyer messed up on the support worksheet 3 times and kept getting the numbers much higher than they should have been.
God luck to all of you going through anything similar. It gets better, but it takes time.

[Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er]

Sorry you guys are having these problems. Been there done that without children.

Lesson here for all you other guys might be to have her arrested for assault on a minor and out of the house. She sure didn't hesitate to have you tossed in jail and it doesn't sound like it was your fault. The poor female is always the abused person in the eyes of the legal system and that #$%* needs to change. Bottom line is it doesn't need to get to this level. Walk away and if it continues one of you needs to go.

[my78k]

Derek, first of all sorry to hear that all may not be well over on the island! Hope you guys can get it sorted.

To the others...it's threads like this that make me appreciate my wife all the more. I hope that didn't come off as rubbing salt or anything as that was not how it was intended but rather it is good to see all sides of any situation.... even if currently I am lucky enough not to be in a situation at all.

Dennis

[seaweb11]

Yeah, I thought I had it good too.
But when you realize you have been accused of cheating constantly for 18 years, and you have been faithful, there is a point when you don't want to even have sex with the accuser any more.  Then the accusations come out even more   

4 years of please get a job and help out around here go unheard.
You turn off, I did anyway.

I wasn't exactly broadsided by this. When you turn off, you're really just waiting for the other to make a move.

[Uncle Ernie]

Hmmm...
I realize too late that I turned off but didn't realize it until the rug got pulled out from under me.  Part of the blow was to my ego- I always thought i was too sensitve/aware/intelligent for that to happen to ME.  I'm the one people come to with their problems, after all. 

Last time I ws over to the house, we got into a big argument because she didn't want me there;  "How would that make Jim feel?!"
Jim spends Friday nights there...  So I said, "Now I realize just how self-absobed I really am.  Thoughout all this, I've never given your boyfriend's feelings one iota of my concern."

So the yelling escalaes, and she starts throwing punches out of anger and frustration.  I keep catching the punches and finally say, "If you actually do hit me- I'm calling the police." 
So she calls the neighbors and they come get her.  They look at me like I'm infectious mold. 
They don't realize she called the next day to apologize.

Wish I could go back about 10 years knowing what I know now. 

[Uncle Ernie]

Just for sh*ts and giggles, I signed up to a computer dating service.
All the women say the same thing;  loyal, trust, soul-mate (but friend first!), truth, fun-loving, make me laugh, witty, intelligent, travel, Hiking in the mountains, walks o the beach, running, blah blah blah.

I finally wrote to one and said everyone is truthful and loyal until they aren't.  I've been whacked up-side the head with a baseball bat that was stamped "Soul-Mate" on the side twice now.  My heart is bad, one leg is shorter than the other and I get by on a disability check.  Now THAT's funny! 
Interested?

HAHAHAHAHAHA !  I kill myself.
A lot of these profiles are like they dare you to keep up. 
I'll wave from the dock dear...

[tramp]

glad you had a good thanksgiving
my daughter and her ex get along better now that thier divorced

[BobbyR]

I am sorry for what you guys are going through. I did not get married till I was 30. It has been up and down but after 30 years we are in a good place. She is a bit mouthy sometimes, but a good woman. I am not all that easy to live with, so I give her mouth a pass. 

I truly hope you guys get out from under this in one piece. 

[Grnrngr]

Well...I'm not divorced, but we've been split for 2 yrs now after living in seperate bedrooms for 5 or 6 yrs, this 11/20 was 26yrs "married".  Probably won't get a divorce unless I find someone I could serious about, but I got the "once bit twice shy" thing goin and much as I wish she could find someone to be happy with, I don't think she's capable of it. If it does happen, it'll be just a matter of signing papers, neither of us have anything the other wants.  We separated for a yr back in 97, she got on antidepressants and we got back together, but it didn't take long before it was same-old same-old again after we both promised not to do that. She'd be pissed off if I made more money than her, if she made more, then I wasn't trying hard enough to "do my part". It really pissed her off when I was on unemployment and still brought home more. Kids are grown and gone so there's no support necessary, I wasn't looking for a house anyway, so I don't mind that she has it, but it does irritate me that she doesn't acknowledge I had anything to do with it, in spite of the down payment coming from my fathers estate, and my family helping us thru tough times and hers didn't. I come from a close family and wanted an intimate relationship with her, but she comes from a seriously dysfunctional one and can't let anyone close to her. She wanted things, but not the things I wanted, my stuff was always in her way, and one of her biggest gripes was "I don't want to have to deal with all of your S*&% when you die". Nothing I did was ever good enough, in spite of everything I did do thru the yrs, she's the one that "sees the big picture" and has "given up everything to get where we are". But...I have my life back now, I've got some good friends for when I need some moral support, and the kids are alright in spite of our problems.....

[Raef]

I will be 42 in April, I have been married 22 years in may, we started dating in 1983, I was 14.

with that said my parents have been married 7 times (mom 4, dad 3) so I have seen it, lived it, been there and done it, I have lived with both sets of grandparents at different times  while doing it.

Starting so young my wife got to see her fair share of this chaos so she took me serious when the subject was brought up. some of the rules we have lived by

1.) if you have something to say, say it, but if you don't mean, it don't say it.
2.) If you want to stay, stay.
3.) If you want to go, then go.
4.) If you asked me to leave I will, I will not ask to come back.
5.) If you leave because you want to leave, I will not asked you to come back.


lust is great for awhile, love is OK, but with out respect there is nothing to start with, you are waisting your time.

Just ramblings of a guy that has spent over half his life married. Nothing is forever, make the best of every day, you never know which one will be the last.

[Retro Rocket]

My wifes lawyer messed up on the support worksheet 3 times and kept getting the numbers much higher than they should have been.

Dave , thats a little naive mate, lawyers NEVER make a mistake when overestimating anything, they are money hungry a-holes that know exactly what they are doing...What's with the multiple marriages, i know absolutely no one that has been married more than once and the ones with new partners generally don't get married. I have been with my "girl" 28 years and are still not married, my parents screwed that lifestyle option for me....I don't see the point in it....

Mick

[seaweb11]

I just got yelled at for turning off the kitchen light

Hello..........., you have never payed anything in 20 years on an electric bill, why does this concern you now?

It's all #$%*ed up.  I think we guys slide into business mode at this point, and the women are still all emotional,  like what happened?

Trust me when I say when it gets to this point, everyone has had 1-2 years or so to get ready for it.
I refuse to argue about anything any more.

My wife called a few lawyers before picking one, so she kind of did the "Tony Soprano" deal. By the time I went looking most of them were unable to work for me.

I have an appointment with the last guy standing on Monday

[fmctm1sw]

I just got yelled at for turning off the kitchen light

Hello..........., you have never payed anything in 20 years on an electric bill, why does this concern you now?

+1,000,000

[mick7504]

I just got yelled at for turning off the kitchen light

Hello..........., you have never payed anything in 20 years on an electric bill, why does this concern you now?

It's all #$%*ed up.  I think we guys slide into business mode at this point, and the women are still all emotional,  like what happened?

Trust me when I say when it gets to this point, everyone has had 1-2 years or so to get ready for it.
I refuse to argue about anything any more.

My wife called a few lawyers before picking one, so she kind of did the "Tony Soprano" deal. By the time I went looking most of them were unable to work for me.

I have an appointment with the last guy standing on Monday

Got a spare bed here in Darwin mate if you need some refuge.
That'll #$%* ém.
Mick 

[DavePhipps]

My wifes lawyer messed up on the support worksheet 3 times and kept getting the numbers much higher than they should have been.

Dave , thats a little naive mate, lawyers NEVER make a mistake when overestimating anything, they are money hungry a-holes that know exactly what they are doing...What's with the multiple marriages, i know absolutely no one that has been married more than once and the ones with new partners generally don't get married. I have been with my "girl" 28 years and are still not married, my parents screwed that lifestyle option for me....I don't see the point in it....

Mick

No, not naive. I went to school with her lawyer, and she wasn't the brightest bulb in the bunch then. I've had to point out her mistakes in court a few times. My wife and I agreed on an amount before the court date but somehow her lawyer can't seem to remember those details. Ex-wife is paying 200 bucks an hour for this person.

[Retro Rocket]

My wifes lawyer messed up on the support worksheet 3 times and kept getting the numbers much higher than they should have been.

Dave , thats a little naive mate, lawyers NEVER make a mistake when overestimating anything, they are money hungry a-holes that know exactly what they are doing...What's with the multiple marriages, i know absolutely no one that has been married more than once and the ones with new partners generally don't get married. I have been with my "girl" 28 years and are still not married, my parents screwed that lifestyle option for me....I don't see the point in it....

Mick

No, not naive. I went to school with her lawyer, and she wasn't the brightest bulb in the bunch then. I've had to point out her mistakes in court a few times. My wife and I agreed on an amount before the court date but somehow her lawyer can't seem to remember those details. Ex-wife is paying 200 bucks an hour for this person.

Glad its the EX paying for her then.....

Mick

[wardenerd]

Kill all lawyers.  shakespeare.
Divorce should work like this.  both parties are tied up individually with heavy weights.  Drag to the end of a pier and toss a coin .  loser drowns.  At least it puts an end to you or her(him).  I dislike my ex wife more every year because she cannot leave me alone.

[DavePhipps]

Divorce joke.

Why are women like hurricanes? They come in wet and wild. When they leave they take your house and car.

[wardenerd]

how is marraige like a hot bath?  once you've been in it a while it ain't so hot.