From Peter Kay (British stand-up comedian)
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger
You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator - then turned the figures upside down
Reading when you're drunk is horrible
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden
Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl
You never know where to look when eating a banana
Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly
Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses
Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity
Some days you see lots of people on crutches
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush
Old women with mobile phones look wrong
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited
You never ever run out of salt
Old ladies can eat more than you think
You can't respect a man who carries a dog
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose
Bricks are horrible to carry
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
