Topic: Men strike back!

[eldar]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me ..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't.  There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course.  He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

 

[Bob Wessner]

 

However, prudence dictates that I never let my wife read this. 

[eldar]

Prudence....or not wanting to "hear" all about it???

[Bob Wessner]

More like pummeled. 

[GeoffT]

Who is Prudence and why wont she let your wife read this?
It must be tough for you having a wife and a dictator.
 

[cbjunkie]

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

ack. well, i've made it this far...maybe i'll just keep dating 25 year olds...

[prsman23@hotmail.c]

Ok. I'll bite.
Why don't women ski?
There are no hills between the bedroom and the kitchen

<slaps forehead>

[dpen]

Some one asked me what noises my wife makes during the sexual act.

I told them "I don't know, I'm never there"

On our wedding night I got my gear off & she started laughing.

She was screeching "who are you going to please with THAT??"

I said "ME!"

[cbjunkie]

ha-ha! that was funny...

[Ebrandon]

I don't know why I am helping the guys out, but it is funny...

My Wife Left Me......

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12 pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup.. I said, "Wait a minute, I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."

I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"

I don't think she'll be back.

[3 sticks]

Well I don't have anything good that I know offhand, but I do have this:

cheers; will

[eldar]

Well it is now mathematically proven! Women are evil, I have been saying that for years! Once math has proven it, it must be true.

[Ebrandon]

Just to keep you guys from getting in trouble, here is a list to make sure you are PC in your woman bashing...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMA TION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

[3 sticks]

Beautiful! haha

will

[cbjunkie]

ebrandon,
you realise of course that you are making yourself suceptible to blackmail...it's possible you're engaged in betraying your species...

"low-cost provider" is pure majic...

[Ebrandon]

Well I would hate to leave my self vulnerable to blackmail, so to keep from seeming like a traitor here we go...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY
HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE".

[3 sticks]

Again.. just fantastic!



cheers

[cbjunkie]

oh my god - i am so FOCUSED!

[Jonesy]

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

I thought the term was supposed to be "FACIAL PROGRESSION"