I'd try the heavier oil first, I believe Harley sells their fork oil in 3 grades, though as I recall none of them have the numerical viscosity number on them anywhere. When I put the 2" lowering springs (Progressive Suspension) in the front of my Deuce (FXSTD) I used their "High Performance" fork oil and it was noticeably stiffer than stock, but unfortunately the springs aren't stiff enough to stop bottoming out under hard braking.
My preference on the bike would have been forward controls too. The bike is just plain uncomfortable at a stop because of the footpet placement; they hit you in the ankles. I was going to put a set of forward controls on it for her but the leg reach on them was about an inch and a half longer than mid-controls so she-who-rules nixed the idea right there on the spot. Oh, that reminds me. I also put a different set of foot pegs on her bike for her. The old ones were more or less round but the new ones are wider and flatter. I don't know if its just because she can now plant her feet more firmly and solidly on the bike, but about the same time they went on her riding style (which has always sacred the living #$%* out of me) really loosened up and got a lot more smooth and flowing. I think it may have had something to do with the increased feeling of stability. Could be right, could be wrong, who knows?
On her Sporty the stock springs are still in it. Lowering the rear of the thing an inch or two isn't going to have enough effect on effective neck rake to make any great difference and what difference it does make is on the side of making the bike more stable in a straight line - something my wife is very much in favor of. Just remember this; all riders are not looking for a bike with the rear end jacked up a foot and so little neck rake that the thing is as twitchy as a unicycle. Such a bike will just fly around corners, but when my wife is at the controls the bike is not required to fly around much of anything and if the day ever comes when she does actually drag a foot-peg I'm going to bake here a cake and shoot off fireworks.
Oh, on the soft forks, don't some guys drill and tap the fork plugs for air valves and just blow a couple of pounds pressure in them to dial them in? I dunno, never done it myself, but I think I've seen that solution mentioned in the past.