Topic: Open letter to the Previous Owner

[danbar]

Thank you for selling me a bike with a rebuilt motor.  I know it's not running because the carbs and electronics still need to be put on but hey that's a piece of cake.  Upon further inspection when I got it home I'd like to commend you on the creativity of your rebuild, it's like nothing I've ever seen. I would have never thought of running without a head gasket and instead putting said head gasket on the base of the piston block.  The extra ring you threw in and left wrapped around one of the rods was a nice touch as well.  I also think it was a good idea to leave out several of the case bolts to save on weight.  I have one question though, where did you find the previously carboned up pistons for this build?  It's rad that they look used already instead of those shiny new ones that everyone else uses.  I can't thank you enough for all the fun I'm having looking for another motor since this one is just too nice to ever ruin by putting it back in my bike. 

[geminimotors]

The PO of my bike is a writer, and at one point fancied himself a mechanic. Here's the 1st installment he wrote: http://www.motorcycle.com/how-to/come-forth-lazarus-3427.html There was no 2nd installment.
Dear PO, I wish to thank you wholeheartedly for failing and giving up so early in the game. Your ineptitude and limp-wristed approach to problem solving and the most basic of maintenance has allowed the bike to lead a life of loving care and regular rides before you ruined it entirely. Thanks, Pal.

[CycleRanger]

The PO of my bike is a writer, and at one point fancied himself a mechanic. Here's the 1st installment he wrote: http://www.motorcycle.com/how-to/come-forth-lazarus-3427.html There was no 2nd installment.
Dear PO, I wish to thank you wholeheartedly for failing and giving up so early in the game. Your ineptitude and limp-wristed approach to problem solving and the most basic of maintenance has allowed the bike to lead a life of loving care and regular rides before you ruined it entirely. Thanks, Pal.

"The first bit was a rear IRC tire in almost-new condition, which means I didn't have to spend $25 buying a new rear tire."

 

[cameron]

OH MY GOD IT HURTS TO READ LEASE MAKE HIM STOP!

" The chain was an O-ring model that also didn't look too bad. "

[geminimotors]

It still bears the scars on the covers from the dremel tool. Ach.

[Atlantic]

... I think I am missing something here. You buy a bike without having had a look at it or without the insurance of ebay (against misrepresentation)? Wao, I never even thought this was a lesson to be learned. From the initial letter it sounds like you didn't even ask for pictures!?

Why would you do that?

[Rgconner]

... I think I am missing something here. You buy a bike without having had a look at it or without the insurance of ebay (against misrepresentation)? Wao, I never even thought this was a lesson to be learned. From the initial letter it sounds like you didn't even ask for pictures!?

Why would you do that?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/humor

See meaning 3.

Also, number 2, as in Melancholy

[WarwickE36]

I'm not a particularly strong man. I have returned jars of pickles because I couldn't open them. However, give me a screwdriver and I will destroy the heads of screws, twisting and rending the metal with the mild torque from my small-but-hairy hands.

bahahahaha

[jahmic]

Dear PO,

Thank you for your honest description of my 750F's running condition.  You were absolutely right...she starts right up on the first kick every time.  And, like you said, you rode her every single day.  When you told me that, I suppose I should have asked where...because chances are you never got much further than doing circles in your backwoods gravel driveway.

I knew you were an accomplished mechanic when I pointed out the oil leak on the valve cover that was clearly coming from the tach cable.  To assess your mechanical knowledge, I asked you "what that leak was", to which you replied "oh, that's just the choke cable, it needs a new seal".  Well...at least you were halfway right. 

I knew I had a runner, and knew you had no mechanical ability, but for some dumb ass reason, I still trusted you when you said I could ride her home.  She did great when I took her up the block for the test ride.  I talked you down enough to satisfy us both, then rode her home.  I got twice as far as I did on the first ride before she conked out on me.  Good thing my roadside assistance was nice enough to come pick up the bike for me and haul it for free.  I guess the only crappy thing was that I had to wait til the next morning to do so.  Oh well...at least my lady friend had come with me to look at the bike that day.  So we got a hotel and I got laid...which kinda offset the fact that I had to kick out another $50 unexpectedly for a room that night.

Oh by the way...thankfully your mechanical skills were SO limited that you weren't even able to get the #1 exhaust tappet cover off without mangling it to death.  I can't imagine what would have happened if you had actually managed to get them off to "adjust" the tappets...in your own special way I would imagine.

I know you had to get your daughter off to college (or so you said) on that sunny day that I picked up my bike.  So it was no surprise when I hopped in the car with my friend to double back to your house and saw that you, your wife, your daughter, her boyfriend, and your scraggly dog were gone.  Oh yea...you even took the goat with you too somehow.  I gotta say...I give you props for cleaning out the farm so quickly. 

I just truly hope that the $800 I gave you went to your daughter's college education.  She needs some direction in her life.  Being preggers with pockmarks all over your face is a bad look.  I would have given her the benefit of the doubt if her boyfriend didn't have that look of stoned paranoia on his face when I walked in to use your restroom.  PLEASE tell me the money went to her education...I'll never forgive myself if you guys blew that cash on meth that night.  Now I'm really starting to wonder why you guys took the goat with you to the party...

[Hush]

Dear PO, having pieced back together the bike you so uncarefully tore apart it is now obvious why it leaked oil forever, changing the oil at least once every 30 years is advisable and the carboard toilet roll thing was once a filter!
This bike must have held it's breath waiting for me to come along as you abused the Hell out of it, the mere fact taht it did not combust under you shows more leniency than I would have shown!
Removing the motor from the frame to just leave it lying around (upside down) for years as it filled with spiders speaks volumes for you ineptitude, if you remove a motor Moron you do it for a Damn good reason!!!!
Only the precision that Honda built into these bikes 30 years ago saved this one from becoming a new anchor for my boat!

[Lostboy Steve]

Dear PO,

Thank you for your honest description of my 750F's running condition.  You were absolutely right...she starts right up on the first kick every time.  And, like you said, you rode her every single day.  When you told me that, I suppose I should have asked where...because chances are you never got much further than doing circles in your backwoods gravel driveway.

I knew you were an accomplished mechanic when I pointed out the oil leak on the valve cover that was clearly coming from the tach cable.  To assess your mechanical knowledge, I asked you "what that leak was", to which you replied "oh, that's just the choke cable, it needs a new seal".  Well...at least you were halfway right. 

I knew I had a runner, and knew you had no mechanical ability, but for some dumb ass reason, I still trusted you when you said I could ride her home.  She did great when I took her up the block for the test ride.  I talked you down enough to satisfy us both, then rode her home.  I got twice as far as I did on the first ride before she conked out on me.  Good thing my roadside assistance was nice enough to come pick up the bike for me and haul it for free.  I guess the only crappy thing was that I had to wait til the next morning to do so.  Oh well...at least my lady friend had come with me to look at the bike that day.  So we got a hotel and I got laid...which kinda offset the fact that I had to kick out another $50 unexpectedly for a room that night.

Oh by the way...thankfully your mechanical skills were SO limited that you weren't even able to get the #1 exhaust tappet cover off without mangling it to death.  I can't imagine what would have happened if you had actually managed to get them off to "adjust" the tappets...in your own special way I would imagine.

I know you had to get your daughter off to college (or so you said) on that sunny day that I picked up my bike.  So it was no surprise when I hopped in the car with my friend to double back to your house and saw that you, your wife, your daughter, her boyfriend, and your scraggly dog were gone.  Oh yea...you even took the goat with you too somehow.  I gotta say...I give you props for cleaning out the farm so quickly. 

I just truly hope that the $800 I gave you went to your daughter's college education.  She needs some direction in her life.  Being preggers with pockmarks all over your face is a bad look.  I would have given her the benefit of the doubt if her boyfriend didn't have that look of stoned paranoia on his face when I walked in to use your restroom.  PLEASE tell me the money went to her education...I'll never forgive myself if you guys blew that cash on meth that night.  Now I'm really starting to wonder why you guys took the goat with you to the party...

I wanted to shorten this quote but every time i tired i failed. lol #$%*ing awesome!

[kjr4honda]

I responded to an ad  for a "newly refurbished and running CB500 Four, no expense spared on the rebuild!  Was in a small fire that melted the wiring, otherwise perfect."  So, for a laugh, I called the given number and asked if I could hear the motor run.  Guy spoke to me like I was the idiot for thinking the motor would run without the prescribed electrical work.  He was even more incensed when I pointed out that his splurb confirmed that the motor did indeed run, and proceeded to let me know in no uncertain terms how mechanically inept I was, before he banged the phone down.
I think I might have spoiled his day.

[jawntybull]

To balance up the ledger a bit...

Dear PO (and the PO before you)

Thanks for selling me a new hobby with a new challenge each week. I appreciate all the things you did that I'm pleasantly surprised about, like fitting sealed bearings, replacement carbs, nice paintwork and so on. I've spent a month finding and clearing all the blockages; blocked jets, blocked swingarm pivot, blocked crankcase breather, blocked tank drain. The wide variety of insects and spiders that I have evicted, squished or fried in petrol (accidentally of course) sadden me, but the end result is a cracker of a ride.

Thanks!

[Raul CB750K1]

Dear PO:

I thank you for having bought a K1 only to be ridden during your vacation. Thank you for having ridden short of 6k miles in thirty years.

I thank you for having your nephew take care of the bike. Specially for having a nephew with plenty of garage space to keep the bike unmolested, under a tarp, for more than 15 years. For having a nephew with so little mechanical ability to be unable to start the bike after its hibernation, but specially for having a nephew with enough money to sell the bike for a low amount if only to have it removed from his garage, though he knew what he was selling. Thanks to your nephew for being straightforward and consider the bike sold with only my handshake, with no money down, and put down the rest of the people who called during the following two days until I could get a van to have it towed to my place.


Sorry for dropping her once. Believe me: I was more angry than you for believing she wouldn't fall though she was very upright on the sidestand. Replaced handlebar and points cover, glued the headlight shell and that was it. The bike was kind enough not to fall on the exhaust, sidecover or tank.

I'm still riding with the points she had when she was yours, and have kept stored the same Bridgestone tires you used to ride with and with which she left Japan. The rear is a little worn out but still they are the real McCoy. I guess even the air on the tires was japanese.

I know you are riding up above now, so I want you to know that I have taken well care of the bike. By know I have tripled the mileage you put on it. It get as many looks as you should have gotten when you used to ride her around the streets of Madrid in the 70's, when the biggest bike ever produced here was a 500cc single with pushrods and drum brake. I replaced the rubber parts that were rotten, cleaned the carbs, and she has never let me down ever since. Went through hell to have it registered but it was well worth it.

She will be with me for ever, and I hope to pass it on to my kid. Sometimes, when I ride by the parking she hibernated, I think to myself: "If bikes could talk, she would tell me how happy she is to ride out and see the World around, instead of languish under a tarp".

I would have loved to know you, you should have been a great man, and I think you would be happy that the bike went to somebody who would look after her, and enjoy her more than you did.


Sincerely,

[geminimotors]

Makes me happy reading the positive letters and thanks. Not every PO is a terrible person. Y'all just brightened my day.

[thelowmax]

You guys are killing me. There's gold in these stories.

Just for the record, the bike I refer to in the original letter was purchased through Craigslist. I went to look at it the same day I was looking at another bike. I told him that if I didn't buy the other one, I'ld think about buying his. A week later, I ended up buying the other, a SA-Weeeet '78 cb750k for $400, in excellent running order. I then saw he put another Craigslist ad for $800. I called him and explained that I didn't want to offend him but, I had $350 left over from my purchase budget and would he take that for the bike (minus a bit for a rental truck). He said that workers in his house had ripped the seat moving construction supplies and he settled with their insurance company for $400. So he accepted my offer because he was pretty much getting the amount he wanted. He even got a Zip truck and delivered the bike to my door. All in all, the experience was a pretty painless and rewarding one. The bike is actually in pretty good shape, except for the carb issues. Most of it's problems were due to poor fluids and maintenance.  And while it took me a bit to get her on the road, that was mostly because any time I had an issue with my other 78 K, I'ld take the parts of of this one. It's like the step-brother of bikes. Ultimately, I would have bought the bike (for $350) even if I had known of it's issues. It takes more than a knucklehead to kill one of these things. I just hoped he would read the letter and know it was about him, to bust his chops.

[coma13]

Thank you for your creative problem solving applications! I am particularly fond of the liberal application of gasket sealer at the junction of the carb boots and cylinder head. The electrical tape spark plug "cap" is another nice touch. You saved a lot of weight by leaving any shrink wrap off of all of those solder joints leading up to the coils.

Your coup de grâce, however, was the quick thinking you endeavored upon when you found yourself mysteriously without a throttle "pull" cable.

"No problem! I've got another cable hooked to the other side of the throttle tube right here, I'll just use that!" says you.

Uh oh! The cable is too short. There is no way it will fit into the stock cable guide. I suppose a more typical man would have just given in and bought the correct $15 cable at this point, but not you! You fabricated your very own, extra short, cable guide that interferes with the throttle linkage in such a way as to only allow a maximum of 3/4 throttle. It also adds a nice kink to the cable to keep the RPMs from dropping when you chop the throttle, thanks!

In short, I am truly amazed by your extensive pain-in-the-ass work instead of replacing some of the cheapest parts on the bike and making it vastly more difficult for any subsequent owner to do so! You are great!

[skamagedon]

seems like i lucked out with my 50 dollar cb550 that didnt run. was indeed a rats nest, but electrics are my passion

[Kinch]

Dear PO: I won't criticize too much as the rigged wiring seemed to work fine for you but the fact that most of the connections were made with a combination of 3 different connector types, wads of electrical tape, old brittle cloth tape and spliced wires that were all the same color made me learn my CB wiring when I disconnected everything to replace the bars.

Also, I won't blame you for the nest of pincher-bugs in the right-hand control housing because they must have come in under my watch.

I will, however, thank you for putting on the sweet set of Lester mags.