Author Topic: Let it all hang out,tell us how you really feel and what pisses you off. (Read 1396982 times)

mick7504 · « **Reply #4550 on:** January 11, 2014, 05:46:19 am »

Bill
We'll have to get you down here for a visit one day.
A few beers and a feed and a few stories and I reckon that we'd all have a sore guts from laughing.

That won't piss us off mate.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #4551 on:** January 11, 2014, 01:21:43 pm »

Quote from: petercb750 on January 11, 2014, 01:16:50 am

By the way, in the last 2 weeks I've heard of 3 blokes who have died from heart attacks while having a crap........I've decided I'm not going to take a crap anymore, it's far too dangerous.
That pisses me off.

That's good advice Pete, a bloke I worked with was an undertaker for a few years until handling dead bodies for a living finally pissed him off. His theory was to never take a dump before lunchtime, because he'd pulled so many bodies out of the crapper early in the morning. Apparently older folks get constipated pretty easy, and they'd strain so hard to pop one out that their hearts would give out.

Another bloke I know, a paramedic, told me that he often found a packet of Quick Eze (antacids) in corpses pockets, they'd mistaken minor heart attacks for indigestion, and the quick eze didn't work well to when the big one came along.

My ex-brother in law was a copper. He did a lot of work in the Melbourne morgue, and he told me that he was surprised by the number of corpses he picked up wearing new track suits and runners. These guys (and gals) had decided to get fit again, and had overdone it, so he reckoned that exercise was a good way to kill yourself.

My ex-state manager for the company I used to work for dropped dead after a pushbike ride one Sunday afternoon in 2008. He was only in his early 50's and had been very fit all his life, he went home after a ride, went to the dunny and collapsed while having a dump. Because the door opened inwardly, his son had a real hard time getting to him because he fell forward and blocked entry. Dropping dead with my pants around my ankles would piss me off, imagine shuffling around thru eternity tripping over your own dacks? Bugger that!

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #4552 on:** January 11, 2014, 01:42:32 pm »

That's an excellent BBQ Mick, I've been using my 12 year old Bunnings 99 dollar special a lot lately, and there's something special about the flavour of red meat (I'm allergic to seafood, shellfish etc) cooked over an open fire.

I hadn't used mine much before Christmas, so I gave it a thorough cleaning on Christmas Eve, but haven't cleaned it since, and there's a bit of a buildup of burned stuff and fat on the hotplate, but no matter, my theory is that you should never clean a hotplate (unless it's dusty, but mine has a cover that goes over the hotplate) so haven't done anything post-barbie, except turned the gas off and had another beer.

Anyway, a couple of nights ago I was fanging for a snag (in a manly way of course, this isn't some sort of veiled gay-speak) so I fired up the old Jumbuck and threw on some nice fat snags. I like to not only cook, but cremate, so I downed 2 stubbies of Coopers Pale Ale that my brother in law left on Boxing day while the snags were a-hissing and a-popping. I put a bit of seeded mustard and Mon tomato sauce (the best Tomato sauce in the free world) on them and wrapped 'em in some fresh Bakers Delight bread, and scarfed them down. Beautiful.

Within an hour, I got a tight pain in the guts. Ooop (rhymes with pooop) I decided that I'd better go read that bike mag on the porcelain throne. Anyway, long story short, I spent the remainder of the evening walking briskly to the throne room and reading my bike mag. I know the snags were OK as I'd had them the night before as well, so I'm wondering if maybe I should consider cleaning the barbie? I really don't want to, but I'm too frightened to fire it up again, just in case? Exploding underpants piss me off!

Retro Rocket · « **Reply #4553 on:** January 11, 2014, 01:47:26 pm »

Hey Mick, check out this BBQ for sale ad I came across last week,

http://www.gumtree.com.au/s-ad/elwood/bbq/enchanted-bbq-for-sale/1035043823

I'll copy and paste it as well just in case it disappears...

It is with a heavy heart that I must put this invaluable relic of culinary excellence up for sale, as there is only so much power that one man can wield for so long. Many moons ago, I unwittingly bought this magical forge of nourishment from a sand swept bazaar named 'Barbecues Galore'. The gloriously bearded one-armed merchant warned me of untold rewards, that of which I could never fathom at the time. Since that fateful day, I have achieved flight without the use of propulsion, bedded Scarlett Johanssen on the back of a unicorn, and maintained a 100% strike rate when inserting a USB stick. It is now time for someone else to reap the life changing benefits of this mystical contraption of sustenance.

Specifications:

Two burners, named 'Infernus' and 'Hellfire'.
Cast Iron plate, taken from the suit of arms of Richard the Lionheart.
Cast Iron grill, formerly used on the truck from Mad Max 2 : The Road Warrior.
Steel roasting hood, forged from the melted turret of the Soviet T-50 tank that took Berlin during the second World War.
Runs on the compressed breath of a dragon. Tank not included.
TWO attachable bench tops. These are really just pieces of plastic but they are handy. And there are two of them.

Evidence:

The fat from a pork sausage once spat up and hit my Dad in the head. He can now grow hair again, and it is glorious. Like a Pantene commercial.

A stray piece of lettuce fell onto the grill, and then turned into a white dove. It was delicious.

The aromas emanating from a single snag converted my lifetime vegan sister-in-law to a ravenous carnivore. She was later ejected from the party for biting guests.

Just last week a mate accidentally burnt his arm on the hot plate and his tennis elbow was healed instantly.

A chicken kebab cooked from this barbecue healed Luke Hodge's knee in time for the Grand Final.

Testimonials :

"Two things are infinite: the universe and this barbecue; and I'm not sure about the universe.” - Albert
Einstein

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because the meat is finally better than your dreams.” -
Dr. Seuss

“It's selfish, impatient and a little insecure. It makes mistakes, it's out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle it at it's worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve it at it's best.” -
Marilyn Monroe

I am open to offers. Will consider trades for human souls.

Ignition is a bit sticky, takes a few clicks to fire up. Just like a classic Alfa Romeo.

Pick-up Only.

Located in Elwood.

mick7504 · « **Reply #4554 on:** January 11, 2014, 03:23:12 pm »

Mick, that's bloody beauty mate.

I wonder if the fella selling that BBQ is a car salesman.

He's got the finer details well covered.

When I got up this morning to let the dogs out for a run, Charlie was staring at me with this look of apprehension and I couldn't work out why, then I remembered.

Last night while I was sitting outside having a few quiet Wild Turkeys and gloating at the new Jumbuck Barbie, I decided to give myself a bit of a trim up with the cordless hair clippers that Santa bought me for Xmas.
After I'd done a bit of a cleanup around the ears and the sides, I went and had a look in the mirror to check it out.

FAAARRRKKK, somehow I'd mowed an aircraft landing strip right up the side of my head.

What am I gonna do now.

So after a bit of pissin around to try and fix it up a bit, I buggered it right up.

Well the only way to fix that up was to run the No 2 comb over and cut the bloody lot off.
It feels a bit spikey but it nice and cool on top.

mick7504 · « **Reply #4555 on:** January 11, 2014, 04:15:07 pm »

Quote from: Terry in Australia on January 11, 2014, 01:42:32 pm

That's an excellent BBQ Mick, I've been using my 12 year old Bunnings 99 dollar special a lot lately, and there's something special about the flavour of red meat (I'm allergic to seafood, shellfish etc) cooked over an open fire.

I hadn't used mine much before Christmas, so I gave it a thorough cleaning on Christmas Eve, but haven't cleaned it since, and there's a bit of a buildup of burned stuff and fat on the hotplate, but no matter, my theory is that you should never clean a hotplate (unless it's dusty, but mine has a cover that goes over the hotplate) so haven't done anything post-barbie, except turned the gas off and had another beer.

Anyway, a couple of nights ago I was fanging for a snag (in a manly way of course, this isn't some sort of veiled gay-speak) so I fired up the old Jumbuck and threw on some nice fat snags. I like to not only cook, but cremate, so I downed 2 stubbies of Coopers Pale Ale that my brother in law left on Boxing day while the snags were a-hissing and a-popping. I put a bit of seeded mustard and Mon tomato sauce (the best Tomato sauce in the free world) on them and wrapped 'em in some fresh Bakers Delight bread, and scarfed them down. Beautiful.

Within an hour, I got a tight pain in the guts. Ooop (rhymes with pooop) I decided that I'd better go read that bike mag on the porcelain throne. Anyway, long story short, I spent the remainder of the evening walking briskly to the throne room and reading my bike mag. I know the snags were OK as I'd had them the night before as well, so I'm wondering if maybe I should consider cleaning the barbie? I really don't want to, but I'm too frightened to fire it up again, just in case? Exploding underpants piss me off!

I give mine a good burnout now and then mate.
Leave the burners on flat out for about 15 mins and smoke out the neighbours.

It gets rid of all the build up around the plates.
Then I chuck some boiling water from kettle onto it while it's still hot and she's good to go again after a wipe over with cooking oil.

Another trick is to sprinkle some salt on the plate which socks up the fatty stuff and then give it the once over with a paint scraper.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #4556 on:** January 11, 2014, 10:08:16 pm »

No worries Mick, my ex-brother in law (the copper) used to tip white vinegar on his while it was hot and that cleaned it up real good, but water is cheaper.

I think I'll give it the once over tonight before I throw the last of those snags on, I've read my bike mags from cover to cover, so there's only the TV Week left to read, and that pisses me off!

faux fiddy · « **Reply #4557 on:** January 12, 2014, 12:20:22 am »

My friends neighbors moved out and left a huge stainless grill, top end expensive type you see at the store. As far as I can tell the only thing wrong with it was the wheels were locked up which made it a beotch to move. It was going to be my new unit. It was in her driveway for a week while I went to Barber Vintage week and disappeared in the short time. She thought I had picked it up.
Thieves piss me off every time.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #4558 on:** January 12, 2014, 01:15:02 am »

Same thing happened with my virginity..........

dave500 · « **Reply #4559 on:** January 12, 2014, 01:28:22 am »

ive still got the package mine came in!

Stev-o · « **Reply #4560 on:** January 12, 2014, 01:29:54 am »

Quote from: Terry in Australia on January 11, 2014, 10:08:16 pm

I think I'll give it the once over tonight before I throw the last of those snags on...

Pissed off I don't know what these snags are that Terry speaks of?!

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #4561 on:** January 12, 2014, 01:33:36 am »

Sorry mate, Oz lingo, "Snag" is a sausage.

dave500 · « **Reply #4562 on:** January 12, 2014, 01:39:48 am »

its also a Sensitive New Age Guy like terry.

trueblue · « **Reply #4563 on:** January 12, 2014, 03:35:45 am »

Queensland Police Harrassment

This sort of #$%* pisses me off no end. The dumb #$%*s that run this state need to wake up to themselves

vfourfreak · « **Reply #4564 on:** January 12, 2014, 11:27:33 am »

Merde ! Are your coppers allowed to ask all those questions without first arresting you ? Of course we have not seen what led up to this "interview" but I admire the patience of the rider, I think I would have blown a fuse along the way had I had such "guardians of the peace" trying to ruin my day. And talk about asymmetric response, cars everywhere while some little old lady was possibly being burgled down the road ! Oh well, clearly I am out of tune and the motto on the copper's hats "To serve with honour" should override my little niggling concerns. As you were officers.

Coppers who act like they rule the world piss me off, it's the same here in France, only they tend not to be so fat.

Kev

dave500 · « **Reply #4565 on:** January 12, 2014, 11:48:12 am »

one used his two way radio near the petrol pump=illegal?another has his hand on his tazer ready for a quick draw right near the pumps aswell,i imagine a few sparks around the pumps might be frowned upon?thats all a big waste of our taxes and that pisses me off.

vfourfreak · « **Reply #4566 on:** January 12, 2014, 12:18:44 pm »

Very likely the owner of the service station was pissed off also ! Goodness knows how many potential customers veered off entering his premises seeing the filth there in such force !

Kev

PS Coppers the world over dislike being filmed.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #4567 on:** January 12, 2014, 03:33:32 pm »

Kev, there's a big "Anti Outlaw Motorcycle Club" thing happening right across Australia. The problem that we've been having in recent years is Outlaw MC's fighting amongst themselves for control of drug distribution and other nefarious deeds, and there have been quite a few shootings and fire-bombings of rival clubs businesses and club houses in recent times.

The majority of the shootings etc have been around Sydney, but there have been notable incidents in Victoria, South Australia, and Queensland. After some pretty violent incidents in Queensland (particularly on the Gold Coast where Outlaw Clubs had allegedly taken over some of the sleazier pubs and clubs) the government brought in some tough "Anti Association" laws banning outlaw club members from congregating in numbers, wearing their club colours, and harassing them whenever possible.

The downside (I've got no issue with the cops giving the baddies a hard time) is that anyone riding a Harley (like the guy in the gas station) get's picked on as well, which is unfortunate at best, and an absolute pain in the arse at worst. I get pulled up by the cops here in Victoria occasionally, but generally they're pretty good, and I've gotten away with lots of minor indiscretions because I'm polite to them, don't dress like an outlaw (people who dress like outlaws who aren't, are wankers) and my bikes are fairly close to roadworthy. (more for my own safety, than for any other reason)

I see people abusing cops and cops in turn throwing the book at them, so I can't see the point in poking the bear. The push from all governments across Australia is to move the outlaw clubs out of their states, and while some legal challenges have slowed down their progress slightly, it is working, some outlaw club members have left their clubs and carry statutory declarations ("Stat Dec's") stating that they are no longer members of an outlaw club.

That's a good thing, I've said it before and I'll say it again, how dumb do you have to be to wear a big sign on your jacket that tells the world that you're up to no good? Successful criminals wear suits and drive BMW's, and don't advertise their association. Cheers, Terry.

OldSchool_IsCool · « **Reply #4568 on:** January 13, 2014, 05:15:50 pm »

If the outlaw clubs around here ever change their colours to "Hi-Vis Lime Green Mesh" then I'd really get pissed!!

Don R · « **Reply #4569 on:** January 13, 2014, 10:55:52 pm »

I'm getting old and grumpy, some of the posts in the tech section are starting to annoy me. I might stay out of there for a while.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #4570 on:** January 13, 2014, 10:59:57 pm »

Quote from: Don R on January 13, 2014, 10:55:52 pm

I'm getting old and grumpy, some of the posts in the tech section are starting to annoy me. I might stay out of there for a while.

Got a link Don? Geez, I hope it wasn't me.............

Bailgang · « **Reply #4571 on:** January 14, 2014, 03:18:25 pm »

CL is pissing me off. I posted a 73 cb500 I had on it and it sold the same day so I promptly deleted the ad on CL once the sale was complete. That was over a week ago and I'm still getting text messages and calls about it even though the ad has been deleted and no where to be seen. Same thing happened a year or so ago when I sold an XS650 parts bike on CL, I promptly deleted the ad once the sale was complete but was still getting calls and texts from time to time about it 3 months later. WTH!!

vfourfreak · « **Reply #4572 on:** January 15, 2014, 04:18:34 pm »

Quote from: Bailgang on January 14, 2014, 03:18:25 pm

CL is pissing me off. I posted a 73 cb500 I had on it and it sold the same day so I promptly deleted the ad on CL once the sale was complete. That was over a week ago and I'm still getting text messages and calls about it even though the ad has been deleted and no where to be seen. Same thing happened a year or so ago when I sold an XS650 parts bike on CL, I promptly deleted the ad once the sale was complete but was still getting calls and texts from time to time about it 3 months later. WTH!!

I can empathise with that.

I had a young lady from California do pretty much the same thing, kept contacting me to hear the "cute Irish accent" long after I had pulled the ad from CL.

That pissed me off ....... NOT !!!!!!!!

Kev

Bailgang · « **Reply #4573 on:** January 15, 2014, 05:04:52 pm »

Quote from: vfourfreak on January 15, 2014, 04:18:34 pm

Quote from: Bailgang on January 14, 2014, 03:18:25 pm
CL is pissing me off. I posted a 73 cb500 I had on it and it sold the same day so I promptly deleted the ad on CL once the sale was complete. That was over a week ago and I'm still getting text messages and calls about it even though the ad has been deleted and no where to be seen. Same thing happened a year or so ago when I sold an XS650 parts bike on CL, I promptly deleted the ad once the sale was complete but was still getting calls and texts from time to time about it 3 months later. WTH!!

I can empathise with that.

I had a young lady from California do pretty much the same thing, kept contacting me to hear the "cute Irish accent" long after I had pulled the ad from CL.

That pissed me off ....... NOT !!!!!!!!

Let me get this straight Kev, are you saying you posted a CL ad aimed at young ladies that started with "call this # to hear my cute Irish accent" ?!!

Wow did you screw up, you should've ditched the Irish accent and went with a thick French accent and you probably would've had a date.

A few years back I was working on a piece of I-beam steel and the cover I was attaching would eventually be removed after it had been installed by the construction crew at the job site. Before installing the cover I wanted to write on the beam under the cover "for a good time call (insert my supervisors #)". The problem was my immediate supervisor was away for the day and no one in the office would tell me what his # was once they found out why I wanted it.

mick7504 · « **Reply #4574 on:** January 15, 2014, 05:45:55 pm »

While most of the rest of Oz is getting cooked in 40C plus heat, which would piss me off

, we're getting smashed with monsoonal rain and squalls.
It's too bloody wet to be working outside up North and too bloody hot to be working outside down South.
I wanna know who's responsible for this fcuked weather because they're not doing their job properly and that pisses me off.

Anyway, this morning I let Charlie the Sausage Dog out for his morning piss and sniff and he headed straight into the garden with his tail pointing skywards which means that he's on a mission.

Next thing, this bloody possum comes flying out and climbs straight up a pole in the backyard.

So Charlies looking up at the possum with a pissed off look because he can't get up there and the possum is looking down at Charlie with a pissed off look because he nearly got nipped on the arse.

News:

Author Topic: Let it all hang out,tell us how you really feel and what pisses you off. (Read 1396982 times)