Author Topic: Ever Have A Conversation With Your Dad, That Sat You Back? (Read 1592 times)

bill440cars · « **on:** February 20, 2014, 06:35:14 AM »

I did, yesterday. After all the ups and downs, Since my Dad can't get around, nearly everything has to be done with him in his bed. Yesterday, just after I helped him take care of his business, I was going to go get him something to drink and I gently placed my hand on his knee as I was leaving the room and he reached out for my hand. I stopped and backed up, to take his hand. He looked me in the eyes and told me he didn't know why this was happening the way it was, but he wanted to thank me for making sure he was taken care of. Then, he apologized for things he had said and done, saying he didn't know why he acted like that. Excuse me, if this sounds weak, but that gesture and comment almost brought tears to my eyes. For the last week or 2, he hasn't said much, that you could even begin to understand. That really caught me off guard. Of course, I knew that when my Dad was able to think straight, he WAS thankful for our taking care of him. But most of hiss talking, has been like mumbling and when you could understand him, what he said, made no sense. But, for that short moment, my Dad made Perfect Sense. I only wish that was a sign that he was coming back around, but later, we were right back to where we were.

Just wanted to share this and Thank You ALL, for your support and just for Listening (actually, reading).

FunJimmy · « **Reply #1 on:** February 20, 2014, 07:39:14 AM »

Special moment Bill. My wife recently experienced a simular event with her mother.
Try and remember that he feels the same even when it doesn't appear so.

greenjeans · « **Reply #2 on:** February 20, 2014, 07:41:47 AM »

I'm not quite where you are right now, but probably not too far away... Just last week my dad told me that he loved me and really like what I do
with these old CB750s. It is the first time in my 46 years that I've heard that come out of his mouth. Very much unexpected, but it stopped me in
my tracks.

You sir are a good son.

bill440cars · « **Reply #3 on:** February 20, 2014, 08:09:51 AM »

Quote from: FunJimmy on February 20, 2014, 07:39:14 AM

Special moment Bill. My wife recently experienced a simular event with her mother.
Try and remember that he feels the same even when it doesn't appear so.

Yeah, I felt sure that he did appreciate what we were trying to do for him, all this time. Though it really Does feel good to hear it . When my Dad had his wits about him and we went through that crap with my brother and his wife, my Dad Knew who was trying to look out for his welfare and who was just out for what he could get out of the deal.

Got tons of Great memories with my Dad, just wish there was some way to "Save Them", as the day will come, that I will be in his position. So, I am relating to my Wife and Daughter, things that they should know and things that I hope will be passed on. Thanks for posting, nice to hear about others with input like this.

bill440cars · « **Reply #4 on:** February 20, 2014, 08:19:07 AM »

Quote from: greenjeans on February 20, 2014, 07:41:47 AM

I'm not quite where you are right now, but probably not too far away... Just last week my dad told me that he loved me and really like what I do
with these old CB750s. It is the first time in my 46 years that I've heard that come out of his mouth. Very much unexpected, but it stopped me in
my tracks.

You sir are a good son.

We are in Perryville, Arkansas area, about 45 miles West of Little Rock. Also, we are about 1 1/2 hrs from Fort Smith, which is right on the border of Oklahoma, if that helps. That was really Awesome, what your Dad said to you and, Yes, I can understand why it stopped you like that. Sometimes, I think others (parents and Kids alike) don't really think what a comment like that (or just a complimentary comment) means to others. To me, it is like, a husband and his wife might really know how much they love each other, but to hear it, really means a lot! Communication, sometimes, just doesn't happen and a lot of the time, I think it is just that folks just don't stop and think about that.

Thanks for posting, that was an inspiring moment between you and your Dad.

demon78 · « **Reply #5 on:** February 20, 2014, 12:32:34 PM »

Ever since you started with your dad I've thought what it's going to be like when I get to his point and I'm not sure how I'll handle it I don't know if I want people to worry/fuss about me,,, I some times think it would be good if it was over, also the major reason I'm around now is I want my grand son to realize you can be a rogue/outsider/trouble maker and still get by in this conformist world if you do it right. To me death is becoming less of a big thing and I've watched others go through it and it seems every one gets unusually upset about a natural thing. Birth, kids, death, that's the way it goes, the trick is to have a few giggles in between, and if the giggles can be belly laughs so much the better. Good luck to you and your dad, if you want and he's lucid, I'm thinking about it and if I come up with some brilliant observation/idea I'll let him know.
Bill the demon.

bill440cars · « **Reply #6 on:** February 20, 2014, 02:19:49 PM »

Quote from: demon74 on February 20, 2014, 12:32:34 PM

Ever since you started with your dad I've thought what it's going to be like when I get to his point and I'm not sure how I'll handle it I don't know if I want people to worry/fuss about me,,, I some times think it would be good if it was over, also the major reason I'm around now is I want my grand son to realize you can be a rogue/outsider/trouble maker and still get by in this conformist world if you do it right. To me death is becoming less of a big thing and I've watched others go through it and it seems every one gets unusually upset about a natural thing. Birth, kids, death, that's the way it goes, the trick is to have a few giggles in between, and if the giggles can be belly laughs so much the better. Good luck to you and your dad, if you want and he's lucid, I'm thinking about it and if I come up with some brilliant observation/idea I'll let him know.
Bill the demon.

Hey Bill, I can remember back in junior high school days, hearing about others losing Loved ones and even though, I felt sorry for their losses, I really couldn't identify with what they were going through. When it comes for MY time, I hope I don't put them through a lot, I know that only God knows how it will go and all, but I pray that quick and easy on all concerned. My Dad has already been through periods of not really knowing what was going on, who folks were (including me) And I just wish it was easier on him.

Bailgang · « **Reply #7 on:** February 20, 2014, 02:53:02 PM »

If anything I'm glad for your dad that for a brief time he was able to think clear enough to be able to tell you how he truly felt because it seems obvious that it was important to him that he let you know

curemode2002 · « **Reply #8 on:** February 20, 2014, 02:55:54 PM »

Thanks for sharing that Bill it is a really special thing when they can come back for a few moments and be themselves for jus a little bit.

Quite a few years ago now my wife told me that I should be telling my dad "I love you" more often. I took her advice and it really helped heal our relationship. We had struggled to see eye to eye while I was a teenager and in my early twenties so this was a huge healing event for us both. We had so many great times together after that. When he passed 8 years ago at 64 it was a sad time but I felt better knowning that we each knew how the other felt. But I still remember that first time I said after a to long a time "I love you Dad" and his response back as well as that hug.

ogsmakdade · « **Reply #9 on:** February 20, 2014, 06:58:18 PM »

You sir are in no way weak. I admire your efforts in caring for your ailing father.

dusterdude · « **Reply #10 on:** February 21, 2014, 09:45:15 AM »

Damnit bill,you made me think of my dad,he's been gone for 20 years and i think about him everyday.got me to cryin

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

strynboen · « **Reply #11 on:** February 21, 2014, 10:04:33 AM »

have not spoken my dad/mother for 4-5 years..my mom are died in betveen..the problem are ..they dont like my vife and vas against i live my ovn life..so ve have to split....i have moved to a other part of country so ve not are seen hitother...like it that vay..
have a nice life..vith a super vife and 3 thildren..

but it hurts a littel not to have spoken them..vhen they die.
..it are harden up..and i vill not kontakt them..just a shame...
point are dont let it go so bad..
.if you have a thoice.. take a talk..and get it normalised/or as good it can be..
.i dont have alternatives..so it have to be the hard vay..

demon78 · « **Reply #12 on:** February 21, 2014, 11:27:48 AM »

Strynboen same for me didn't talk to my father for a long time, it wasn't my wife they liked her, it was me, I went a different way and I got to a point where I wouldn't take any crap from him it wasn't until much later that I finally started talking to him and found out that he wasn't a bad guy after all, it was a change in my perspective, I never got to say any of the father son things ( he went to sleep one night and didn't wake up ) I guess that's the way it goes.
Bill the demon.

bill440cars · « **Reply #13 on:** February 21, 2014, 06:12:50 PM »

Quote from: Bailgang on February 20, 2014, 02:53:02 PM

If anything I'm glad for your dad that for a brief time he was able to think clear enough to be able to tell you how he truly felt because it seems obvious that it was important to him that he let you know

Yeah, it WAS pretty cool. And I AM glad that he did that. I t DID help me, to know that he still had some of his old self in there.

bill440cars · « **Reply #14 on:** February 21, 2014, 06:58:25 PM »

Quote from: curemode2002 on February 20, 2014, 02:55:54 PM

Thanks for sharing that Bill it is a really special thing when they can come back for a few moments and be themselves for jus a little bit.

Quite a few years ago now my wife told me that I should be telling my dad "I love you" more often. I took her advice and it really helped heal our relationship. We had struggled to see eye to eye while I was a teenager and in my early twenties so this was a huge healing event for us both. We had so many great times together after that. When he passed 8 years ago at 64 it was a sad time but I felt better knowning that we each knew how the other felt. But I still remember that first time I said after a to long a time "I love you Dad" and his response back as well as that hug.

That is really NICE, to hear about. Family should be important. It IS too bad that my brother didn't have that feeling about family. Instead, his feelings are towards Material Things.

My Dad and I had always had a pretty cool relationship and we had that time, with my Granddad's motorcycle shop and the guys and their motorcycles. I loved hearing the stories about activities at the shop years ago and it wasn't until my Mom had passed away and a few years later, that he told me about how he meet her, what he thought, the first time he saw her and some of their activities and such. I am so glad he told me those things when he did, at least he was "with it" enough to share that.

bill440cars · « **Reply #15 on:** February 21, 2014, 07:03:05 PM »

Quote from: ogsmakdade on February 20, 2014, 06:58:18 PM

You sir are in no way weak. I admire your efforts in caring for your ailing father.

Thank you, at the moment, though, I am extremely tired. He hasn't slept in 2 1/2 days and neither have we. We have had our ups and downs numerous times during that time. But, like I told him, I may be ready to climb walls, but I will continue to do what I was taught was the right thing to do. I just Pray that we can have some nice times out in the sun, sight seeing or what ever.

bill440cars · « **Reply #16 on:** February 21, 2014, 07:08:46 PM »

Quote from: dusterdude on February 21, 2014, 09:45:15 AM

Damnit bill,you made me think of my dad,he's been gone for 20 years and i think about him everyday.got me to cryin

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sorry bout that Duster, Hate tom hear that your Dad has been gone so long. My Dad has been able to hang on, for some time, though it looks like the end COULD BE not far down the road. I will never forget the "Gift Of Knowledge" that he gave me, when he had me build my first motorcycle (a 58' Jawa 125, at least that's what the title said.

) out of parts. Everything was disassembled except the wheels. That was a Gift, like No Other!

bill440cars · « **Reply #17 on:** February 21, 2014, 07:11:49 PM »

Quote from: strynboen on February 21, 2014, 10:04:33 AM

have not spoken my dad/mother for 4-5 years..my mom are died in betveen..the problem are ..they dont like my vife and vas against i live my ovn life..so ve have to split....i have moved to a other part of country so ve not are seen hitother...like it that vay..
have a nice life..vith a super vife and 3 thildren..

but it hurts a littel not to have spoken them..vhen they die.
..it are harden up..and i vill not kontakt them..just a shame...
point are dont let it go so bad..
.if you have a thoice.. take a talk..and get it normalised/or as good it can be..
.i dont have alternatives..so it have to be the hard vay..

That is too bad, buddy. I had some issues with my Mother, when I married my 1st Wife (deceased). I am continually trying to keep the Communications going, between my Dad and I.

bill440cars · « **Reply #18 on:** February 21, 2014, 09:46:24 PM »

Quote from: demon74 on February 21, 2014, 11:27:48 AM

Strynboen same for me didn't talk to my father for a long time, it wasn't my wife they liked her, it was me, I went a different way and I got to a point where I wouldn't take any crap from him it wasn't until much later that I finally started talking to him and found out that he wasn't a bad guy after all, it was a change in my perspective, I never got to say any of the father son things ( he went to sleep one night and didn't wake up ) I guess that's the way it goes.
Bill the demon.

Bill, I have always had a pretty decent relationship with my Dad. Now, there WAS one time I REALLY mad him MAD!!! My Mom had kept after my Dad, to get a better job than the one with my Granddad at the shop. Income back then, at the shop, was not much at all. Now, my Dad (I don't know how) got wind of Federal Civil Service jobs that were offered as "Dual Status" jobs. What that meant was, you could get a Civil Service Maint. job. But you also had to be willing to join the Army Reserves and in the Civil Service position, you worked on Army Reserve Equipment. So, Dad was suddenly making pretty fair money and working at the shop on weekends. So, he had worked on a buddy's CZ125 and my Buddy went to a different school district and so, when my Dad finished my buddy's bike, Dad parked it in our detached garage (that I knew how to get into, without the key and I knew how to start that CZ without a key as well. So, after Mom & Dad went to work, I went out to the garage, got the door open, brought the CZ out and Started it up and rode it straight to school. And, I acted just like it was mine and did everything as except how I got to school and back, But, as I returned home, with my mind on putting the CZ back up, my Dad was sitting on the front porch steps, waiting with his belt in hand. I knew, as soon as I saw him, that I was in for BIG trouble, though it was a lot worse than I had suspected. My Dad had never spanked me before and He got me by one arm and started beating the crap out of me, with his belt. Unfortunately for me, he had accidentally grabbed the wrong end of that belt. What hit me, was the buckle (one of those wide flat buckles) And I had whelps on my back, my butt and my legs. When I dressed out for P.E., I had guys going, "WOW, What happened to YOU! And I told them. It wasn't til about 20yrs ago, that my Dad told me that He never should have touched me that day, cause he wasn't in his right mind. And I am thinking, Yeah, you could say that. BUTY, I Have to say that I haven't EVER forgotten that day OR that whipping! And THAT was the only punishment I ever got from my Dad. Mom took care of that, there was never the time that I had to wait for Dad to get home. Mom took care of business. I KNEW I deserved some SERIOUIS punishment on that one day and I just had to take it, that's all.

kghost · « **Reply #19 on:** February 22, 2014, 12:33:39 PM »

I always enjoy reading your posts Bill.

Hang in there.

(I got beat with a Star Wars lightsaber once....Totally deserved it too )

bill440cars · « **Reply #20 on:** February 22, 2014, 03:06:53 PM »

Quote from: kghost on February 22, 2014, 12:33:39 PM

I always enjoy reading your posts Bill.

Hang in there.

(I got beat with a Star Wars lightsaber once....Totally deserved it too )

Thanks Tim, I am hanging the best I can and keep Praying for him to have an easier time of it. Thanks for posting brother.

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Author Topic: Ever Have A Conversation With Your Dad, That Sat You Back? (Read 1592 times)