But seriously folks, not looking for arguments, just relaying some information and hoping that there is hope for me yet.
My Sabre was having serious electrical shorting problems, and given that it's particularly sensitive to low voltage conditions - it's a CDI system with all electric instruments, I made the mistake of installing a voltmeter. A mistake, because it has an LED that displays the voltage - coupled with the instruments on the bike that tell the time and day and you have a case of a slowly draining battery if left untended for too long.
I left it off the tender for too long...
Battery was utterly dead - no voltage, not even enough to power the voltmeter.
This was a brand new Duracell Lithium battery - Batteries+ sells Duracell motorcycle batteries. My trickle charger reported it as defective - no capacity to charge. Never having experienced a defective battery in over 15 years of riding I didn't bother to keep the receipt so I can't return it even though I bought it in September.

The evidence that I've seen so far tells me that once a Lithium Ion battery drops below a certain threshold it's gone for good. But I've also heard that I need a specific "Boost" charger to deal with the circuits in the battery that are protecting it from damage.
What's the deal here?