Topic: "ASK SELLER A 'STUPID'QUESTION" A GAME OF CHILDISH HUMOUR AND MERRIMENT!

[kaceyf2]

FOR ALL THE FAMILY!! (POSSIBLE MONTHLY COMPETITION!) (POLL)
Here we go...
'It' all started a long long time ago, when Soosie ( My brilliant misses)
was about to bid on a Tarot deck that she saw on ebay....(she collects tarot decks,and does readings)  BUT, suddenly, I heard her mutter to herself "WHAT'S THAT?" Realising that I had better show immediate interest in a "wifely exclamation" I called over, ( In my usual caring and tender way) I replied  " What the F***'s WHAT?" Hoping that would suffice for husbandly interest, and expecting the answer to be the usual "Oh, Nothing" ( matrimoanial job done)
HOWEVER,
The reply that came was this...."In with this auction for this set of Tarot cards, there is also a 'HAT'...................
"WELL",( I thought to myself) Not wanting to appear Overly stimulated by the enormity of this revelation, (in case sarcasm was suspected) "Well" I thought again,and in a totally inspired moment of cleverness asked Soo to explain,
"You what petal?", "A "HAT" you say?"....( This has a double function,
It PROVES I was listening, and Women on the whole do enjoy explaining, .....Quite crafty I suppose, but then you have to be sometimes, I guess, especially over unexpected ebay "HAT" issues. )
Anyways,
Soo did explain, and while she did,I did be good and did listen...
And this is the tale she told;
Indeed, in with the auction for a set of tarot cards in the item description was also a "HAT"
I know, I know, there was so many questions that I HAD  over this "ANOMALLY" that I couldn't get them all out at once,
BUT, the overriding,burning,mind bending question that kept jumping up to the top of the list was of course "WHY"

BUT, I knew I had to be carefull, there may after all be a very sensible and rational reason, (that wifes know about and husbands don't) for this "Hat", it might after all be so bleeding obvious ( I thought) that to just say "why" might bring about a torrent of derision upon myself .....because sometimes "everybody knows THAT, didn't you" might be retorted......( and then you gotta lie and say "oooh yeh" BUT that as you all know, is damn dangerous,because you may be asked "go on then,.. what?"...  game over)

So, with the utmost of cunning I asked "what sort of "HAT" is it?"
(brillant !..undetected avoidence of the main issue,a husband classic move)

"Its a black knitted  bobbleless bobble hat"
( now even though my mind may have been going "whoop-de-doo" I DID NOT SAY THAT, and wouldn't at this juncture advise anyone else  to either, to my misses that is)
So, to bring this all to a succesfull climax,( I tire easily these days)
I said a most unexpected and spontaneous thing..BEFORE my brain had actually processed all the facts...I said.....

"WHY,dont you do "ask seller a question" and ask "what is the "HAT" for?" "Is it for the reader of the cards to wear whilst reading?"
OR, is it for the "readie"? ( the person having the cards read)
AND THEN,
A TORENT of mindless, and childish questions flowed out ......

"what happens if the "Readie" WONT wear the hat? ( do you have to MAKE them?)
"can the cards be read without use of the "HAT"?
"WHAT HAPPENS IF THE "HAT" dont fit?  which brings us of course nicely to "IF the "HAT" fits do you HAVE to wear it?" (AND NO, this hasn't all been "constructed" to get that particular one out!)

AND SO ON, but Soo settled on a very constrained an unamusing "general question about item" "What is the "HAT" FOR?"

THEY ANSWERED!!  " I dont know, its ALLWAYS been with the tarot deck, so I thought I would keep it that way" "Thanks for asking"

( oh seller you really DONT know!)

ANYWAYS......this leads of course to the monthly competition....
Of mirth and merriment  and childish humour and fun for all the family;;
"ASK SELLER A STUPID QUESTION" ( of the month) you have to get an answer to qualify....

HERES SOME TO START YOU ALL OFF TO GET YOU INTO THE "JIST"
of it;;;;;

"sorry,you didnt mention in your item description,"Is this sidecar SANDCAST?"

"Will the cb750 kickstart that you have for sale be suitable for my artificial leg?"


you say "it fits ALL cb750's" does that mean it will fit my B/S750 as well?

"I noticed from your item description that your postage rates are excessively LOW, please can we negotiate them up some?"

"In your item description, you have put "not show quality"
If I bid and won this item could you help me and advise on hiding it?"

You say "item is  too heavy to post, Item will HAVE to be picked up"
my gran is really frail these days, could she drag it home instead?"

"I can see your toes in one of the photos,and maybe interested in sucking them, would you consider cutting your toe-nails FIRST though?"

You say in your item description... "DO NOT bid on this auction,if you do and win ,it will be just for a washer!"
IF,and I say "if" I did, (and won) could I come over from Nigeria to pick it up to save on the postage?"

your description says "good for a daily ride"
have you ANY items for sale that are OK for a NIGHTLY ride?

and so on.........now,come on, I know you all MUST have thought of your own by now.....

SO, how about a monthly or bi-monthly competition?

"stupid question of the month?"   TWo rules....It hAS to be answered to count, and it cant be to a mate (in an underhand attempt at "cheating")

DISCUSS please.........

[Gordon]

We've had some fun in the past with some mis-informed ebay sellers.  I try to restrict my enjoyable harassment to the sellers who claim to know what they're talking about or selling but don't actually have a clue.

Here's one from last year that had us going for a while.  Too bad the auction isn't available to view anymore.

http://www.sohc4.us/forums/index.php?topic=12539.0

[Uncle Ernie]

I get some whack-jobs sometimes.  Here are some from a BMW solo pilllion I recently sold;

Q:  How would this seat look in BMW copbike ? do you have matching pegs with stirrups? Oldwingratbike   
A:   I don't believe police motorcycles had passenger seats. I imagine they either had a paddywagon pick up prisoners, or they just shot them. 
Q:  ummmmmmm could you tell me if that loop or ring up front can be used for more than just hanging on? 
A:   I have used it to attach wet items of clothing while riding, and it make a good attachment point for impromptu tents. Thank you for your interest
Q:  My chick wants to know if this is one of those Sybian type seats, and if so, does it have a remote control that you will or will not include? 
A:   As my house has already been ransacked by BMW riff-raff looking for that remote (which as you know is more rare than a sidecar brake sending unit), I will not reveal any details of non advertised possessions. What you see is what you get. My dog is in need of professional grooming, or I wouldn't even be selling this rare piece.

Here is a couple from some BMW head light mirrors I sold;

Q:  Are these the special mirrors that if turned forward they become spot lamp mirrors when there are idiot car/truck drivers approaching with high beams on? 
A:   Yes. Definitely. In some countries, these mirrors are Worth a small fortune. I don't think Americans know how lucky they really are.
Q:  oh and do you know of any nudist free love BMW rallies in the USA?
A:   Please send a picture of your girlfriend before i answer that. Thank you

[Rocking-M]

I might have to give this a try, but I'm not in the same class as Ernie and Kacey. 

[750goes]

I need to ask the obvious question first before I commit to entering this competition:

Did your wife/missus buy the tarot cards and if so, does the hat fit - I want your missus answer - really..

[dustyc]

I can't believe I read as much of the as I did before I started to skim it.

So instead of Jerky Boys, you'd be Jerk-eBays?

[olds-cool]

The typical husband thoughts in your post crack me up.  If you are a married man, you know you go through that same scenario all the time.

[medic09]

The typical husband thoughts in your post crack me up.  If you are a married man, you know you go through that same scenario all the time.

+1!

That part was precious!  I'm just debating if I dare show it to the wife...as if she doesn't already know all this...

[pae]

The typical husband thoughts in your post crack me up.  If you are a married man, you know you go through that same scenario all the time.

+1!

That part was precious!  I'm just debating if I dare show it to the wife...as if she doesn't already know all this...

+1 more - hilarious. Great writing, and yep, I can follow exactly what you were going through.

regards, Phil

[kaceyf2]

Just thought I would add;I would only "ask a stupid question" off ridiculous item sellers! You know the ones....I saw an item  on ebay the other day,I swear to god,it was THE singular most Rotten piece of metal I had ever seen for sale,IT had Three types of venereal disease, horse canker,mange, and probably trench foot spores,IF any one would let you use their bead blasting cabinet ( and I seriously doubt that) to bead blast this item, all that would be left would resemble a torn pair of fishnet pantyhose, that someone who was thirty-five minuits desperately overdue for a Dump had tried to get off in a hurrry using false fingernails.
( the sort of dump that is allready "touching cloth" where your knees are actually shaking, and sweat is pouring down your back,and your sphincter muscle has gone into "unable to hold" mode.)
anyways, If you then took the remains of that item to the local scrap-yard,in an effort to "weigh it in" The owner would (a.) release the hounds, and (b.) immediately  create a photo-fit picture of you to hang on the walls of his porta-cabin and use during staff training excercises that focus on health and safety at work...
The "seller",
Even with the evidence of THREE photos, THAT HE PUT UP ON EBAY HIMSELF, described this item as "In excellent condition"
I shouted Soo over to the computer, ( AND risked her wrath as she was reading and therefore "doing something"
so in effect I was actually "distracting her" and again.)
But as soon as she saw the sellers description and photos,
it was worth it, and in fact got her quite animated, and most verbal, "WHAT?" "what a pile of #$%*e"
So it did interest her for a while,BUT it nearly backfired on me (again) when she asked in the wifely "telling you not to voice"    " YOUR NOT BUYING THAT are YOU"
" NO, NO, COURSE NOT"
ALL husbands of any appreciateable length of time will recognise that when a wife asks any question that begins with " YOUR NOT GOING TO......." and ends with "ARE YOU?"
It is in essence NOT, I repeat NOT a question at all ( even though it may sound like one) it is a serious "wife command"  failure to observe and act upon this type of order can and often does result in a most distressing questioning of your "manhood" and may lead to a totall loss of respect for your position as "head of household"
Fortunately ( in this particular case) I had ABSOLUTLEY NO desire whatsoever to purchase this excuse for an item.
And was able to confidently and honestly convince Soo, with no effort at all, that I "was only showing her for the laugh" And in no way was this an attempt to "test the water" like I had been found guilty of doing on previous occasions. (With other items that I had thought where OK  to purchasae on ebay, but on arrival turned out also to have been made or kept for a long time  in the toilet from hell )
"Did the postman bring you anything this morning Karl?"
" er, Ah,cant quite hear you flower,the cooker hoods on"
" I SAID,.....( following me into the kitchen, and now suspecting husband avoidence technique no.3) DID that parcel you was expecting form ebay arrive? " and straight into " is it OK"   AND immediately ( on a roll now,cos I am noticably looking "shifty") " IT should be YOU PAID ENOUGH FOR IT"
( I have of course, allready opened the parcel,not that it needed MUCH getting into, I didn't expect to be using dynamite, but I also didn't see why the postman should have to phsyically HOLD the parcel together untill it emptied itself on my kitchen floor, I have "glanced" at the contents, My heart has allready sunk, I have allready regretted spending that much that took me months to get together, I have allready gone through denial, ( its OK really,oh maybe it will clean up, Yeh right!) I have allready gone through ANGER ( I'll kill the son of a B***)
Then acceptence ( oh gawd,theres nowt i can do about it)
BUT,
BECAUSE I am NOT jumping up and down, arms wrapped round SOO, (getting her to jump up and down with me)
Shouting out "magic, wow , magic, what a BARGAIN"
she ALLREADY KNOWS this........
And when I say, (dejected and broken now) " well I wont be buying off that guy again"
She doesn't think her old man a fool for wasting his hard gotten, nor does she mock, nor does she strop,

She just wraps her arms round me,says " oh well never mind"  " the right part WILL come together" soon...
And then makes me a cup of tea, and asks,genuinely, without any question of anything but honestly wanting to know in case she can help "how bad IS it?"

and thats why she is the bestest wife in the world..

And then helps to construct the ultimate "stupid question" for that seller, (whether we end up asking him or not!)

OOOH, THE "HAT?"
NAHHH........WE MISSED THE AUCTION,,,, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW....we had absolutely NO right to not be there at end of auction.....Our lad phoned us , and we went into town to see him in his flat, completely forgetting that this auction ended in a couple of hours......The "HAT" has (with that particular deck of tarot cards)
Gone ..into the ether....maybe the "reader" wears it now ( damn) or maybe the "readie", damn, that was a fine looking mirth inspiring black knitted bobbel-less bobble hat.....
I have missed it on many occasions since, and every now and again, when i am looking for subject matter to cheer Soo up on a down day say, then I re-instate the "HAT"
debate........"HAT" knitted like a clanger, wherefore art thou now?




















     












 

[333]

I didn't know that Briggs & Stratton made a 750!!!

How's that for stoopid?  It isn't a question, but I think it qualifies.

[Rsnip988]

Just thought I would add;I would only "ask a stupid question" off ridiculous item sellers! You know the ones....I saw an item  on ebay the other day,I swear to god,it was THE singular most Rotten piece of metal I had ever seen for sale,IT had Three types of venereal disease, horse canker,mange, and probably trench foot spores,IF any one would let you use their bead blasting cabinet ( and I seriously doubt that) to bead blast this item, all that would be left would resemble a torn pair of fishnet pantyhose, that someone who was thirty-five minuits desperately overdue for a Dump had tried to get off in a hurrry using false fingernails.
( the sort of dump that is allready "touching cloth" where your knees are actually shaking, and sweat is pouring down your back,and your sphincter muscle has gone into "unable to hold" mode.)
anyways, If you then took the remains of that item to the local scrap-yard,in an effort to "weigh it in" The owner would (a.) release the hounds, and (b.) immediately  create a photo-fit picture of you to hang on the walls of his porta-cabin and use during staff training excercises that focus on health and safety at work...
The "seller",
Even with the evidence of THREE photos, THAT HE PUT UP ON EBAY HIMSELF, described this item as "In excellent condition"
I shouted Soo over to the computer, ( AND risked her wrath as she was reading and therefore "doing something"
so in effect I was actually "distracting her" and again.)
But as soon as she saw the sellers description and photos,
it was worth it, and in fact got her quite animated, and most verbal, "WHAT?" "what a pile of #$%*e"
So it did interest her for a while,BUT it nearly backfired on me (again) when she asked in the wifely "telling you not to voice"    " YOUR NOT BUYING THAT are YOU"
" NO, NO, COURSE NOT"
ALL husbands of any appreciateable length of time will recognise that when a wife asks any question that begins with " YOUR NOT GOING TO......." and ends with "ARE YOU?"
It is in essence NOT, I repeat NOT a question at all ( even though it may sound like one) it is a serious "wife command"  failure to observe and act upon this type of order can and often does result in a most distressing questioning of your "manhood" and may lead to a totall loss of respect for your position as "head of household"
Fortunately ( in this particular case) I had ABSOLUTLEY NO desire whatsoever to purchase this excuse for an item.
And was able to confidently and honestly convince Soo, with no effort at all, that I "was only showing her for the laugh" And in no way was this an attempt to "test the water" like I had been found guilty of doing on previous occasions. (With other items that I had thought where OK  to purchasae on ebay, but on arrival turned out also to have been made or kept for a long time  in the toilet from hell )
"Did the postman bring you anything this morning Karl?"
" er, Ah,cant quite hear you flower,the cooker hoods on"
" I SAID,.....( following me into the kitchen, and now suspecting husband avoidence technique no.3) DID that parcel you was expecting form ebay arrive? " and straight into " is it OK"   AND immediately ( on a roll now,cos I am noticably looking "shifty") " IT should be YOU PAID ENOUGH FOR IT"
( I have of course, allready opened the parcel,not that it needed MUCH getting into, I didn't expect to be using dynamite, but I also didn't see why the postman should have to phsyically HOLD the parcel together untill it emptied itself on my kitchen floor, I have "glanced" at the contents, My heart has allready sunk, I have allready regretted spending that much that took me months to get together, I have allready gone through denial, ( its OK really,oh maybe it will clean up, Yeh right!) I have allready gone through ANGER ( I'll kill the son of a B***)
Then acceptence ( oh gawd,theres nowt i can do about it)
BUT,
BECAUSE I am NOT jumping up and down, arms wrapped round SOO, (getting her to jump up and down with me)
Shouting out "magic, wow , magic, what a BARGAIN"
she ALLREADY KNOWS this........
And when I say, (dejected and broken now) " well I wont be buying off that guy again"
She doesn't think her old man a fool for wasting his hard gotten, nor does she mock, nor does she strop,

She just wraps her arms round me,says " oh well never mind"  " the right part WILL come together" soon...
And then makes me a cup of tea, and asks,genuinely, without any question of anything but honestly wanting to know in case she can help "how bad IS it?"

and thats why she is the bestest wife in the world..

And then helps to construct the ultimate "stupid question" for that seller, (whether we end up asking him or not!)

OOOH, THE "HAT?"
NAHHH........WE MISSED THE AUCTION,,,, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW....we had absolutely NO right to not be there at end of auction.....Our lad phoned us , and we went into town to see him in his flat, completely forgetting that this auction ended in a couple of hours......The "HAT" has (with that particular deck of tarot cards)
Gone ..into the ether....maybe the "reader" wears it now ( damn) or maybe the "readie", damn, that was a fine looking mirth inspiring black knitted bobbel-less bobble hat.....
I have missed it on many occasions since, and every now and again, when i am looking for subject matter to cheer Soo up on a down day say, then I re-instate the "HAT"
debate........"HAT" knitted like a clanger, wherefore art thou now?

been there felt that, and fortunately my wifes responses are pretty close to your wife's, just wanting to help or just make me feel less stupid for purchasing a POS

RKS