Here's something both of you guys can enjoy (I posted this last election season):
You know you're a Republican if....You start off on third base and think you've hit a triple.
You know you're a Democrat if.....You hit a single but believe you deserve a triple because the other team got one.
You know you're a Republican if....You wouldn't mind if the Commonwealth of Massachusetts seceded from the Union.
You know you're a Democrat if.....You wish the Republic of Texas had never became a state.
You know you're a Republican if....You're planning to name your firstborn son 'Dubya.'
You know you're a Democrat if.....You're planning on naming your firstborn son 'Hillary.'
You know you're a Republican if.....You favor free speech, except for burning the flag or criticizing the U.S. Military.
You know you're a Democrat if....You favor free speech, except for ugly words about minorities, the disabled, or endangered species. Or any cause you support.
You know you're a Republican if....You've watched the movie 'The Dirty Dozen' six times, and every time you cried at the end.
You know you're a Democrat if.....You cried watching 'Bambi' as a kid, and you've been in therapy ever since.
You know you're a Republican if....Your excuse for buying a gas-guzzling SUV is, 'Mind your own business!'
You know you're a Democrat if....Your excuse for buying a gas-guzzling SUV is, 'Umm, I plan to deliver Meals on Wheels in wilderness areas.'
You know you're a Republican if....You've accepted the fact Oprah Winfrey is filthy rich because she worked hard for her money.
You know you're a Democrat if....You're proud of how successful Oprah Winfrey has become, as long as she contributes big checks to the right causes.
You know you're a Republican if....The bumper sticker on your Jaguar says 'Money can't buy love, but it can buy cars.'
You know you're a Democrat if.....The bumper sticker on your VW ! bug says 'Make gas, don't burn it.'
You know you're a Republican if....You believe it's a crying shame not everyone gets stock options.
You know you're a Democrat if....You believe the government should give everyone free, low-water-consumption toilets.
You know you're a Republican if....You want to increase the U.S. military budget, especially for the base in your congressional istrict.
You know you're a Democrat if....You want to slash the U.S. Military budget, as long as they don't touch the base in your congressional district.
You know you're a Republican if....You sent flowers and a thank you card to Monica Lewinsky.
You know you're a Democrat if....You can't imagine what Clinton saw in Monica when he has such a hottie for a wife.
You know you're a Republican if....You're afraid of the I.R.S.
You know you're a Democrat if.....You're afraid of the F.B.I.
You know you're a Republican if....You philosophically oppose government welfare plans, but you cash your Social Security checks religiously.
You know you're a Democrat if....You're philosophically appalled by corporate America's emphasis on profits, but you're sure happy your pension fund is booming.
You know you're a Republican if....You've never seen a government social services program that you thought was worth increasing your taxes for.
You know you're a Democrat if.....You've never seen a social program that you weren't willing to spend other taxpayers money on.
You know you're a Republican if...You prefer your steaks rare and your jokes raw.
You know you're a Democrat if....You prefer your vegetables raw, you don't eat meat, and you don't tell jokes...because jokes are about victim hoodand you want to rid the world of victim hood, and you don't want to have any part of it...unless the jokes are about Republicans.
You know you're a Republican if....Your car runs on regular unleaded gas, but you buy the supreme because you like the extra kick you think it gives.
You know you're a Democrat if....You own a gas-electric hybrid car with lousy power, but you look down your nose at everyone who is passing you on the highway.
You know you're a Republican if....You think government agencies should be run like businesses, with management free to fire employees at will.
You know you're a Democrat if....You think businesses should be run like government agencies, with workers free to sue their employers at will...if someone tries to fire them.
You know you're a Republican if....You spend considerable amounts of your own time and money on causes you're devoted to...like gun ownership.
You know you're a Democrat if...You devote considerable time to spending taxpayers money on causes you support....like gun control.
You know you're a Republican if....You tha! nk God every day for the gifts He has bestowed upon you and your family, especially your tax-free inheritance.
You know you're a Democrat if....You thank God every day for the strength She gives you to fight for truth, justice, and punitive damage awards.
You know you're a Republican if....You thought your college professors were all flaming liberals.
You know you're a Democrat if....You are a college professor.
You know you're a Republican if....Your father made a bundle as the producer of the Jerry Springer show.
You know you're a Democrat if...You finally met your real father as a guest on the Jerry Springer show.
You know you're a Republican if....You and your third spouse vehemently oppose same-sex marriages.
You know you're a Democrat if....You firmly believe marriage should only be between consenting adults of the same species...for now.
You know you're a Republican if...You blame your obesity on your hectic schedule and your unrestricted expense account.
You know you're a Democrat if...You blame your obesity on every fast-food restaurant you've ever visited, your neighborhood grocery store, all the cookie manufacturers, and your mother...and you're going to sue 'em all!
You know you're a Republican if....You think every American child is entitled to a great high school education, as long as your taxes aren't increased to pay for it.
You know you're a Democrat if....You think every American is entitled to a government-paid college education, even if they don't finish high school.
