Well, that's interesting. I'd like to see what's in a typical Spanish marriage vow. What is said?
Spain is in the vast majority Roman Catholic. In a catholic wedding there are vows like you probably know. I vow to love you till death do us part, I vow to be always faitful and accept all the children that God bestow upon us.
If only for the last part, 99% of the catholic marriages should be cancelled for breaking of the vows.
In civil weddings there are not vows at all. The state is not interested in the private agreement between participants. The state only wants to know if they participate freely, if they have legal age and whether each one will keep their possesions or will the put them together for the new entity.
I haven't attended any wedding in another religion, so I can't really tell what the vows are.
Some people will stay together for the "sake of the kids." If they are fighting like two cats in a bag all the time, they are doing the kids no favors. A household like that is a very stressful environment for kids. From what I have observed, if the couple can't behave like mature adults, it is better for the kids if they split the sheets. But every case is different.
Agree. But some other people is not fighting at all. They just lack love and communication. They live in the same household but they live in complete separate worlds. They both have a commitment with the kids and implicitly decide to stay together for the sake of the kids. Renouncing to your own happiness for the happiness of your kids is to me a great display of generousity, even if it is a wrong decision. I have close examples of that.
Remember 50 is the new 30.
It is never too late to start over, but in general, people who have had a failure in their marriage are very conservative to start from scratch again, and they will never get again hell-bent into a new relationship where they can get hurt again. At a given age, people has already learn the lesson and it is difficult to recover the illusion and ingenuity of the young age. Or so it seems to me. As you say, each case is different.
Sometimes you don't love your spouse but you don't want to hurt him/her either.-Does that justify running around behind their back?
I haven't said so. When you do something, you should evaluate the consequences. If you are in a perfectly-happy marriage and keep dating other people, you are risking badly hurting your spouse in exchange of your own personal pleasure- that seems selfish to me. If your marriage is dead, your dating other people is generally more love-related than sex-related, and in case you are discovered, your spouse will generally suffer more from his damaged honour than broken heart- So to your question, it doesn't justify running behind your spouse's back, but at least, it can explain it.
A society where the people are increasingly unwilling to commit or keep their word made to someone is one that I think will ultimately be unsuccessful.
I agree 100%
So, we are talking about people who is unfaithful by nature, and will cheat at the first chance, and people who is unhappy and cheat to find something they need. I understand both, but I can't support the first. If you know you are a cheater, don't marry in first place, nobody forces you to do so. You are going to damage somebody
-
I agree with your assessment there. Unfortunately, the number of people in the first category seem to be increasing, and it is costing society. That same selfish, self-centered attitude is manifested in other ways, too.
Again, I agree 100%. From what I see in my country, society is tending very much towards a "hedonist" approach, in which the instant pleasure is more important than a delayed reward. And even worst, the new values seem to be that "my pleasure, even when small, is much more important than other's suffering"
From the "sex and motorcycles", the thread has diverted a little. It all started by the "when women see my wedding ring". There is a spanish proverb -it's been a while since I don't quote one, hasn't? that says : "you can't install gates on the desert or dams on the sea". My point was that tou can't avoid other people flirting with your spouse. Only he/she is responsible for not cheating to you. And you can't blame other's for trying with your spouse. We can talk for hours about honour, commitment, and loyalty. Before, honour was an asset because when you lost it, you became a pariah, nobody would trust you again for anything, your friends would not want anybody seeing them with you, your family would repudiate you. But today, you cheat your spouse and you are a hero to the eyes of your co-workers. What are the consequences of losing your "honour"? Almost nil, so honour is not an asset anymore.
