Topic: son in law with ATROCIOUS table manners

[Inkscars]

Well as long as we're on the subject of "getting into" his personal life, I will gladly trade you.
My proposition, I will come and punch his ugly face, for a cute wittle kitty cat.   

[Frankenkit]

...that's like trading one of his chidren for vio----
I'll give you our big loafy kitty to punch out X's boss.

[333]

I have reacted similarly for less.  Granted, with a more distant relative, but he wised up, and is allowed at family functions again. 

[heffay]

kit... is violence an unspeakable word?

[Frankenkit]

no, I just had an ADD moment and changed subject in the middle of a word.  I have no aversion to the removal of peoples' privates with cheese graters, disembowelment, decapitation, and other such things.

...as long as it's warranted.

[Gordon]

I have no aversion to the removal of peoples' privates with cheese graters

GAAAAAHHH!!!

[Inkscars]

I prefer the word, "eviscerated" myself. Sorry for stinking up the thread.

[sangyo soichiro]

...i looked at him, got up and left the damn table.

...and guess what? it's all been made out to be MY damned fault!.   

I can only say what I'd like to think I would have done in this situation...

I would have tried to not make a scene.  Like you said, he could have 'manned up' and just swallowed the food.  I would have tried to 'man up' and not show a reaction to his display.

When dinner was over, before we left the table, I would have said "[Joe (whatever his name is)], I'd like to speak to you in private."  Once in private, I would have said my piece and that would have been the end of it. 


Ideally, this way 'Joe' would have modified his future behavior (probably not...), but at least no one would be mad at you.

[HavocTurbo]

Screw that. I'dve come across the table at him.

My grandmother raised me. Used to beat my ass in all kinds of public situations. Anytime I stepped out of line, or even if I didn't. Sometimes just becuase we "might" have done something she didn't know about.

I'm a product of divorce. I get to be the lucky kid with 4 parents. And I respect all of them. Regardless of who's "real" or not.

My half siblings on the other hand are a couple of rowdy brats that can raise ten kinds of hell wherever and whenever they please. And if I open my mouth and ask them to please be aware of others...... their mother "kindly reminds me that she's their parent and not me"

Fuzzy-

I'll back you up man. If he has absolutely no respect for himself, her, or the "father figure" in her life.... a 12ga saw'd off and a shovel can fix that quick. I'll even come over and help you dig.

Call me extreme if you want to, and don't get me wrong, I'm not all out for child violence and all that speak when spoken to stuff,  but no one should be that thoughtless as to disrespect themselves, let alone anyone else like that. He's no longer 4 years old. Time to be a man and show an example to his child.

[1timduke]

I feel for you, Fuzzy.   What concerns me more is how this (and a multitude of other situations which only you know about) will affect you relationship w/ your wife/stepdaughter/grandchild.   All families have a different dynamic on how they deal with their emotions.   Some bottle up, some let out, some discuss, and so on.   I would take comfort in the belief that your stepdaughter will eventually realize she was impregnated by an immature douchebag who sorely needs his ass handed to him, whether figuratively or literally.   She will hopefully come around to this sooner than later.   When she does though, an "I told you so" doesn't go over nearly as well as "I love you and I'm here for you".   

Honesty is the best policy, even when it's tough.   Step parents are often targeted by stepchildren as not being the parent, or a replacement for a real one, garnering little respect from the stepchild(ren).   As years go by and folks mature, some of the animosity can remain, tension from years past that was never resolved continues to affect the relationship between step parent and stepchild.   However, if your stepdaughter is old enough to have a child with the grade A oil changer, then she's old enough to be spoken with like an adult.   My advice, voice your concern to her (and your wife) as an adult, and as a parent, don't drag out old issues, just let her know you love her and the child but don't feel respected by the father.   The worst she can say is you don't have a clue or your making it up.   If that's the case than she has some more growing up to do in my opinion.   But she might mull it over and change her mind later (you never know).

And I'm totally with you on the cooking.   Let the f#@ker starve.   If he's spitting firecracker shrimp out he doesn't know what good food is! (BTW if he was spitting them out because they were hot, they're called firecracker shrimp for a reason!)   He's just showing his @@s, and it's a shame that some people over the age of three would think that that is appropriate or humorous.   

Good luck, it sounds like a tough nut to crack.

-Tim

[fuzzybutt]

this IS just the top of a big assed mountain of chit i've been taking for the last 10 years. i am CONSTANTLY a second class citizen in this house. it is not new by any stretch if the imagination. i WAS in fact a chef at a very good resturant (i had to do something else to make ends meet working the winter horse show circuit) the thing is Katie is 6 years older than him, she has some self esteem problems mostly due to the abuse suffered from "the sperm donor" as she doesnt call him dad or father. see my wife is 20 years older than me, step daughter turned 31 last week. oh and we're going to the bathroom in my 1940 gibson L50

[heffay]

fuzz?  is that as in... les paul?  i'm not sure what to make of that.

10 years is a long time.

[fuzzybutt]

this is a 1950 version. mine was in mint, 10 years older ,like new condition and a nice sunburst finish

[my78k]

This is going to come off wrong no matter how I say it so I apologize in advance...really I do!

If you're being treated as a second class citizen in your own home then some of the blame falls on you. You should have addressed it ages ago. However, you didn't and now when you try to assert yourself it seems that much worse. Unfortunately the situation can not continue (as you are already feeling the need to call it quits). By situation I do NOT mean the marriage I mean the treatment. The first person you need to address this with is your wife and let her handle the kid...at first! If she doesn't start treating you well then you address it.

I hate to make assumptions but I suspect the work situation doesn't help your self esteem and certainly being treated like that sure as hell aint gonna help!

I have always tried to treat EVERYONE with respect and I expect the same....if they don't give me the respect that I deserve then I demand it or earn it (totally depends on the situation).

Good luck Fuzzy!

Oh and for what it is worth I totally agree with you about the situation itself! It not only shows a lack of maturity but also a lack of respect for ANYONE who was witness to the situation! That includes your wife, step daughter AND his own kid (assuming she was witness).

Dennis

[masonryman]

Hang in there fuzz, we all have our deals.

I don't really talk to my brother or my 1/2 brother all over who knows why they are mad, neather have kids and I have  14 and 17 year old girls. The yuppie bro's, with the lake house an all the toy's that go with that lifestyle, think they know how they would handle teen girls and every situation that arises.

Then there is the brother in law and father in law that I can not longer hold a conversation with because they told my daughter not to come around with her new full ride scholarship, football playing, National honor society member boyfriend. 

If you haven't figured out why, the boyfriend is black.


You can only make one person happy and that is yourself


Mark

[fuzzybutt]

no offense taken believe me. if id been smart enough back before i got hurt, to put away an extra bank account.......so #$%* you money so to speak i would be in a better situation to do something about getting away now. i dont want you folks to think it's all bad here, there ARE alot of good times too. it's just that right now isnt one. i have to look at the bright side of things. at least i have a roof over my head and food in my belly, theres alot of folks out there that are FAR worse off than me with my situation. as long as i have my kitties i can get through anything 

[Caaveman82]

Fuzzy,

     In my opinion, you were in the right for the way you reacted at dinner. Now, there are many different ways you could have delt with it, which may have kept you out of the dog house. I can tell you with extreme confidence, that I would have done what you did. Just keep your chin up and don't let the $h1t get you down man. I'm sure you've had worse things in your life.

[fuzzybutt]

when people get on me for stuff i just take an extra zoloft and all is well 

[fuzzybutt]

i have tried to talk to my wife about this and 9 times out of 10 she says i dont know what the hell i'm talking about. in the last 6 months or so i've basically given up on things getting better.