Topic: Guess it's a sing of the times but I'm not comfortable with it...

[Cvillechopper]

So here's the background.  I have played on a flag football team here in Charlottesville for over a year and a half.  Last season (starting in October) a couple of new guys joined the team.  Most of us didn't really like them since they're not good sports but oh well.  Sunday we're getting ready for practice in preparation for the next season and a friend tells me "that dude is a sex offender".  WTF!  I'm not one to just take someone's word on that type of thing so I went to practice like normal then went home and did the research and sure enough, less than 9 months after being convicted of Carnal knowledge of a minor ages 13 - 15 (dude is 26) he's not in jail.  I wrote the following to the team.


Guys, I hate to pass this on but I won’t be able to play on the team with JB on it.  The link below explains why.

http://sex-offender.vsp.virginia.gov/sor/offenderDetails.html?regId=25817

This poses a very real problem for me.  I know several people who were victims at some point in their life and have seen what it does to them through their life.  Unfortunately I can’t be flexible with this and I won’t be playing on a team with him on it.  No hard feelings against anyone else but if he is on the team I’ll be looking at changing teams on principal.  If Chad doesn’t let me then I’ll just suck up the $$ paid on this season as a loss.  Sorry guys.  You can read the write up and decide for yourselves.  If it turns out that he isn’t on the team than I am, as always, a Firm team player. 



The team had mixed reactions.  A few of the guys that I'm closest with share my feelings (if not quite as extreme as me) but others don't seem to mind.  They're fine with playing with this guy.  We're starting another team in the league but it just boggles my mind that people can't be absolutely infuriated that a child predator is allowed to be part of society so soon after being convicted (if ever).

Sorry but I needed to share to get it off my chest some...

[bill440cars]

 Totally understandable man, There is NO WAY that I would do ANY different either. Those who are comfortable, need a reality check! (to put ot mildly) I, for one, am glad that you WEREN'T comfortable with it!  

[754]

That is tough.. go with your gut..

[Kframe]

I'm with you man, I wouldn't play on the same team with the scumbag either.

It's good you're taking a stand, not enough people act on principle like that anymore, most it seems are like "well, he didn't do it to me, so it's not my business".  
F that!  Child predators should be taken out an shot, 1st offense.  IMO.

And besides, who wants to be on his team when he's arrested again for another molestation, would anyone really want to be known as someone that played on a team with the guy?  
Cause it will happen again, those evil people don't change.
-K

[bill440cars]

I'm with you man, I wouldn't play on the same team with the scumbag either.

It's good you're taking a stand, not enough people act on principle like that anymore, most it seems are like "well, he didn't do it to me, so it's not my business".  
F that!  Child predators should be taken out an shot, 1st offense.  IMO.

And besides, who wants to be on his team when he's arrested again for another molestation, would anyone really want to be known as someone that played on a team with the guy?  
Cause it will happen again, those evil people don't change.
-K

  Exactly!

[333]

DO NOT feel bad about standing up as you have.  He needs to know that life shouldn't be the same after conviction, despite what the courts have (not) done.

[Cvillechopper]

Thanks guys.  I've never been one to second guess my actions when acting on principal (especially one that I feel so strongly about) but it was just difficult to have others that I consider friends acting like I was the one with a problem.  Good to hear that there are others that would have done the same thing.

I should mention that I talked to the team captain and he did make me understand some of the issues that the others had with what I said and how I said it.  Since I didn't explain that someone had tipped me off in my e-mail many felt like I must have been running background checks on the whole team.  Also, some felt like that would have been something better handled face to face.  I don't necessarily agree with their first point but understand the second.  What I told him is that if I waited to talk to the entire team the scumbag would have been there and it would have become a physical confrontation.  I'm not scared of a scrap but am old enough to know that if you can avoid it, you do so.  This is especially true since I am a concealed weapons permit holder.  I won't let this pos put me in a position where I loose what I consider to be an important right.  In VA you can loose your permit for being involved in any type of fight regardless of who starts it.  I won't take that chance and know myself well enough to have little doubt that I would be unable to control myself if he started talking trash to/about me when I bring it up.  Unfortunately this is one issue that strikes me to the core and causes me to loose my ability to remain calm and insert logical control over the adrenaline.

[bill440cars]

         You definitely did right the right thing. Hindsight is always better and there will always be things you wish you (and should) had said or done. Things like what he had done, can not and should not be overlooked or brushed aside. It seems like that type of "Behavior" is being done more and more (or we are now hearing more about it) and it is TOTALLY UNEXCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR! I would have done as you did, because as YOU realize, a confrontation would have led to violence and nothing would have been resolved. If the others can overlook what he had done. it is THEM who have them problem and need to reexamine themselves. I understand exactly how you feel on that matter, as I feel the same. As has been said here, people who do those kind of things, are known to be repeat offenders and I really feel for those (and the families of them) who are violated in THAT way! No one should have to go through that sort of thing!

            Okay, now that's my $.02 PLUS.

[Inigo Montoya]

I should see me number of ingores jump after this but here goes. Are you all off your rockers? Shoot someone after the 1st time? How many of you would be dead then? I would be. I boned a 15 year old when I was 16. Guess what, by all the new laws that have been put into place, I would be an offender. how many of you did that? I bet quite a few. Or how many of you were 18 and had a slightly younger girlfriend? My point is, using 1 brush to paint all offenders is plain stupid.
Now I am not going to argue about what this particular guy did as I completely agree with it being wrong.
My point is that people are being tried as offenders for taking pictures of their kids in the tub and other completely stupid things like that. Things like 2 young kids in their teens having sex. It happens, it has for a long time. Whats more is it is completely natural and yet laws are springing up making it illegal. It is about as dumb as the zero tolerance crap being pushed by schools. you know, where a girl gets arrested for writing on a desk. Or a 6 year old gets suspended from school or an eagle scout gets expelled for having a boy scout knife IN HIS CAR.

Again, I am just as against some ADULT(I will not say guy as women are just as capable of this as men are) abusing a child, but there has to be a some common sense here. I mean I just read it yesterday where some security guard at a mall tried to say some father was a pedo for taking a picture of his kid in the mall.

Oh and before some of you try to say I have no idea or am stupid or some other such crap...

My 6 year old had a daycare worker do something like this, with a toy when she was about 2 and a half. This kid was 17 at the time and later went to work at a ymca and did things to other girls 5-8 years old and walked. I KNOW it happened as kids as young as mine do not know how to make up something like this and if I ran into him on the street, I would beat him and shove a 2x4 up his ass so he knows how it feels.  I KNOW the frustration and the anger but I also know you cant white wash all people who get labeled as offenders from crappy laws.

My god, young teens exploring their sexuality is natural. Parents taking pictures of their kinds in the tub playing is natural.  An adult abusing a child does not deserve death as that is too easy but a chunk of splintered wood in the ass sounds like a good idea.

I hope you all can see my point.

Again, I agree with the OP, and on offenders like that guy. What i dont agree on is shooting people for dumb things that are now called sexual predation by stupid laws.

[Cvillechopper]

I should see me number of ingores jump after this but here goes. Are you all off your rockers? Shoot someone after the 1st time? How many of you would be dead then? I would be. I boned a 15 year old when I was 16. Guess what, by all the new laws that have been put into place, I would be an offender. how many of you did that? I bet quite a few. Or how many of you were 18 and had a slightly younger girlfriend? My point is, using 1 brush to paint all offenders is plain stupid.
Now I am not going to argue about what this particular guy did as I completely agree with it being wrong.
My point is that people are being tried as offenders for taking pictures of their kids in the tub and other completely stupid things like that. Things like 2 young kids in their teens having sex. It happens, it has for a long time. Whats more is it is completely natural and yet laws are springing up making it illegal. It is about as dumb as the zero tolerance crap being pushed by schools. you know, where a girl gets arrested for writing on a desk. Or a 6 year old gets suspended from school or an eagle scout gets expelled for having a boy scout knife IN HIS CAR.

Again, I am just as against some ADULT(I will not say guy as women are just as capable of this as men are) abusing a child, but there has to be a some common sense here. I mean I just read it yesterday where some security guard at a mall tried to say some father was a pedo for taking a picture of his kid in the mall.

Oh and before some of you try to say I have no idea or am stupid or some other such crap...

My 6 year old had a daycare worker do something like this, with a toy when she was about 2 and a half. This kid was 17 at the time and later went to work at a ymca and did things to other girls 5-8 years old and walked. I KNOW it happened as kids as young as mine do not know how to make up something like this and if I ran into him on the street, I would beat him and shove a 2x4 up his ass so he knows how it feels.  I KNOW the frustration and the anger but I also know you cant white wash all people who get labeled as offenders from crappy laws.

My god, young teens exploring their sexuality is natural. Parents taking pictures of their kinds in the tub playing is natural.  An adult abusing a child does not deserve death as that is too easy but a chunk of splintered wood in the ass sounds like a good idea.

I hope you all can see my point.

Again, I agree with the OP, and on offenders like that guy. What i dont agree on is shooting people for dumb things that are now called sexual predation by stupid laws.

You make a valid point and that is EXACTLY why I did not rush to judgment in this case but did the research before making any type of assessment about how I felt.  If it had been a case where he was 18 and the GF was a couple of years younger, I can understand that and agree that, when you are talking about peers, it is part of life.  What I have absolutely no tolerance for (and I don't believe you should get multiple chances) is pedophiles, violent sex offenders, etc.  Taking a picture of your kid in a tub doesn't make you a pedophile and yes, there are laws that are being interpreted incorrectly all over the place but that doesn't mean the laws are incorrect, only those prosecuting or making the poor decisions. 

[Inigo Montoya]

We see it about the same so no argument from me. I was more responding to kframe with his using 1 brush on all "offenders". He might not have meant it that way but anyone who gets convicted is listed as a sex offender and so he would probably want to be clearer in his statement.

[Kframe]

We see it about the same so no argument from me. I was more responding to kframe with his using 1 brush on all "offenders". He might not have meant it that way but anyone who gets convicted is listed as a sex offender and so he would probably want to be clearer in his statement.

The OP is talking about a 26 year old having sex with a 13-15 year old. 
That is an adult predating on a child.
Vastly differently than a 15 year old and a 16 year old, or even a 19 year old and a 16 year old. 

Of course I didn't mean for anyone like in those last two examples being taken out and shot, I didn't think anyone would draw that conclusion from my comments regarding the specific situation we're talking about. 
Even the 26 year old in question probably doesn't need to get shot, but it's infuriating that it sounds like no prison time was served.  Given what we know about child molesters, they don't tend to change and it's very frustrating that odds are this guy is going to do something worse and worse before he's actually taken out of circulation.  Because the 26 year old screwing a 13 year old today will probably be the 56 year old screwing the 10 year old someday.  Ruining lives and getting away with it.  There are individuals that, because of the choices they made, deserve to be dealt with harshly and definitively, sometimes by losing their freedom for great lengths of times, and sometimes by losing their life. 

And none of what I said has anything to do with the ridiculous zero-tolerance weapons & violence policies in the schools.

So pretty much I think we're in agreement. 

Man, is it springtime yet?  We're all a bit cabin crazy aren't we?
This weekend I'm gonna put on new tires and change the fork seals!  Yay!

-K

[BobbyR]

I agree with you man, stick to you guns and don;t second guess yourself. I have known people who have done time for various crimes and turned their lives around. Pedophiles are a different case, they relapse at an alarming rate, and they take something from their victims that cannot be replaced by Insurance.
Years ago kids were being molested in one of the worst housing projects in the Bronx. The people knew who it was and he had done time for it a few times earlier. The people reached out to the Cops which is rare. Cops could do nothing. The fellow went off a roof one night. Even in a place where hardened criminals live and the normal rules of society are suspended, child molestation is not tolerated. The Cops ruled it and accident and moved on.

Stay strong on this.