Author Topic: big business  (Read 2089 times)

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Offline mutters

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big business
« on: March 05, 2006, 10:30:05 PM »
 So sorry, but it seems our canadian friends have been left out again, just pick the corporation of your choice ::)
 I'm not sure this is really about cows,


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
>

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
>
>  AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows.
>* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
>* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
> :'( :'(
>  A FRENCH CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows.
>* You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
>  A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows.
>* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
>  and produce 20 times the milk.
>* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market
>  them worldwide.
>
>  A GERMAN CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows.
>* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month,
>  and milk themselves.
>
>  A BRITISH CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows.
>* Both are mad.
>
>  AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
>* You break for lunch.
>
>  A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows.
>* You count them and learn you have five cows.
>* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
>* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
>* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
>
>  A SWISS CORPORATION:
>* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
>* You charge others for storing them.
>
>  A CHINESE CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows.
>* You have 300 people milking them.
>* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
>  newsman who reported the numbers.
>
>  A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
>* You have two cows.
>* That one on the left is kinda cute...

I know its only rock and roll,
but I like it...

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: big business
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2006, 12:17:03 AM »
The big American corporations swindled all the Canadian farmers out of their cows, then the Red Cross set up a committee of unemployed GM designers to build a better cow for the third world Kanuks, and called the final product a Moose, ha ha! ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

eldar

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Re: big business
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2006, 11:48:59 AM »
Hey thats better than the australian corporation ausimoto!

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: big business
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2006, 12:14:52 PM »
Hey thats better than the australian corporation ausimoto!

Huh?  ???
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

eldar

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Re: big business
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2006, 01:58:56 PM »
You have to go back to a previous joke of yours.

Offline Sam Green Racing

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Re: big business
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2006, 07:54:27 PM »
Slight cock up on Eldies part, he meant Ausimodo.
See replies to Quazimodo joke.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
C95 sprint bike.
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Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: big business
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2006, 04:00:38 PM »
Slight cock up on Eldies part, he meant Ausimodo.
See replies to Quazimodo joke.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Eldy Cocking something up Sammy? Unheard of! Ha ha, Cheers, Terry. ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Sam Green Racing

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Re: big business
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2006, 04:06:02 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
C95 sprint bike.
CB95 hybrid race bike
CB95 race bike
CB92
RS 175. sprint/land speed bike
JMR Racing CB750A street ET drag bike

eldar

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Re: big business
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2006, 07:50:15 AM »
I usually dont have to but this one asked for it!