Feel free to add your own...
__________MOTORCYCLE TOOL GUIDE__________
HYDRAULIC BIKE JACK--ingeniously designed tool for flipping bikes onto their sides,usually when you`re alone in the shop.
EIGHT FOOT LONG 2X4--used for levering bike upright after using bike jack.
WIRE WHEEL--cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light.Also removes fingerprints and hard earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes to say"hand me another beer".
DRILL PRESS--a tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room , splattering it across the Ridgid calender hanging on the wall.
OXY ACETYLENE TORCH--used almost entirely for lighting those stale cigarettes you hide in the bottom of your toolbox.
VICE-GRIPS--used to round off bolt heads.If nothing else is available,they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL--normally used for spinning steel Pop Rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
MECHANICS KNIFE--used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard boxes delivered to your front door;works particularly well on cartons containing leathers and bike covers.
E-Z OUT BOLT & STUD EXTRACTOR--a tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is 10 times harder than any known drill bit.
TWO TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST--a handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps you may have forgotten to disconnect.Almost capable of lifting a Gold Wing off of the floor.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER--another handy tool used for transferring sulfuric acid from your bike`s battery to your toolbox after determining that your battery is deader than a doornail,just like you figured.
HACKSAW--a cutting tool that transforms human energy into a crooked ,unpredictable motion,the more you try to influence it`s course,the more off track you go.
TROUBLE LIGHT--the mechanic`s own tanning booth.Sometimes called a drop light,it is a good source of Vitamin D(the sunshine vitamin)which is usually not found in garages at night.It`s main purpose is to eat 40 watt bulbs like they`re going out of style,more often dark than light it`s name can be somewhat misleading.
AIR COMPRESSOR--a machine that takes energy produced in a coal burning power plant 300 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic Impact Wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 35 years ago by someone under the shadow of Mt.Fuji,and rounds them off.
