I'm actually guilty of a few of these!
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us
again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months... all verified by our surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"'Code 3' in House wares!"..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department,
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows
from the Bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to
cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position a nd screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"
....and; last, but not least
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
