We seem to have language barriers sometimes, so I thought I'd post this handy reference
I got this list from
Smokie.ws, and I think it's a hoot. It's funny that there are 8 bazillion (approximately) sayings for insults, while only only 4 for compliments (I would guess this is true for most countries). My favorite is, "I gotta go give birth to a politician."
Aussie sayings and jokes!
I'm hungry:
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a #$%* sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."
I'm thirsty:
"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nuns nasty."
"I'm dry as a #$%* with no foreplay."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards."
"I'm drier than an Arab's fart."
I need to go for a pee:
"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"Takin' the kids to the pool."
"I got to take a snakes hiss."
"Gotta go have a slash."
"Gonna go water a horse."
"I'm off to drain the main vein."
"Time to splatter the bladder."
"I'm dying for a piss so bad I can taste it."
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."
I need to do a poo:
"I gotta go give birth to a politician."
"I'm takin' a stroll to the gravy bowl."
"It was like giving birth to Kim Beasly."
"Off to the bog to leave an offering."
"Time to snap off a grogan."
"Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave."
"I'm gonna strangle a brownie."
"There's a brown dog barking at the back door."
"I'm going to give birth to your twin."
"Need to choke a brown dog."
"Going for a Rodney."
"Taking out the garbage."
"I gotta back one out."
"Release the Chocolate hostage"
Vomit:
"Calling for George." (think about it)
"I was driving the porcelain bus this morning."
"I left him a lawn pizza."
"Toss a tiger on the carpet."
Insults:
"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and #$%* on your shoulders."
"Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!"
"About as useful as tits on a bull."
"You must be the world's only living brain donor."
"He's a few wanks short of an orgasm."
"She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard."
"He had a head on him like a sucked mango."
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down."
"He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock."
"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!"
"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery."
"Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"
"As ugly as a bucket of arseholes."
"If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards."
"Got a face like a bashed in #$%* can."
"Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground."
"Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse."
"Couldn't organise a #$%* in a brothel with a fist full of fifties."
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition."
"I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!"
"A stubbie short of a six pack."
"Seen better heads in a piss trough."
"You're as handy as #$%* on a stick."
"Tighter than a fish's arse."
"So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him."
"Face like a smashed crab."
"As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp."
"He could talk a dog off a meatwagon."
"#$%*ed in the head."
"You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie."
"He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door."
"Mate, shes as rough as a pigs breakfast."
"Your face is like a twisted ugg boot."
"He's got a face like a cat licking #$%* off a thistle."
"She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times."
"She's two pick handles wide."
"An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag."
"As ugly as a bag of spanners."
"You've got a head like a dropped pie."
"He thinks his #$%* don' stink, but his farts give him away."
"I wish his dad had settled for a blow job."
"Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down."
"If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it."
"Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs."
"As thick as two short planks!"
Compliments:
"Ya bloods worth bottling!"
"He's True Blue."
"I'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe."
"A better man never stood in two shoes!"
Yes:
"Does a fat dog fart?"
"Even Blind Freddy could see it"
"Is the Pope a Catholic?"
"Does a Koala #$%* in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a
Cockatoo?"
"Does the Pope tuck his shirt in with a wooden spoon?"
"Bloody oath!"
"No wucking furries."
No:
"Pig's arse!!"
Assorted:
"Drilling for Vegemite." (Anal sex)
"I'll have a super." (I'll have a beer)
"Make mine an unleaded." (I'll have a light beer)
"Going off like a frog in a sock." (try to picture this one)
