BAHAHAHA! Cram it!
After this conversation today, I was 147% determind to go out and set up this great new wiring arrangement, and post a photo. So I went out the bike, and opened the headlight and stared at it for a while. It turns out, all you have to do is just unplug everything, stick the wires to the sides with double-stick tape and leave it that way. Then when you want to ride, you just climb on, and make "Vroom vroom!" noises with your lips until your wife comes out and tells you to get in the house before someone calls the cops. My gas mileage is going to be phenomenal!