Author Topic: About My Dad, Looks Like He's Making A Comeback (Read 4265 times)

bill440cars · « **on:** August 11, 2011, 09:56:20 AM »

As some of you know, my Dad has been in the hospital recently and is now at a rehab, to try and get him to where he can use the walker again. He is able to get the services paid for, at this particular place, by Medicare for 14 days. These places tend to see about relocating a patient to ANOTHER rehab, as they get close to the end of that 14 days, to try and get the most treatment without having to pay anything out of pocket. They were getting my Dad ready to make that move and had had some swallow studies done on him, to check his condition, as far as making sure where his food and drink were going (into his stomach OR his lungs). I had been told that, as a last resort, he might get bad enough that a feeding tube might need to be put into his stomach. Well, just a few minutes ago, I got a call from the hospital, where they do those "swallow studies" and I was told that my Dad is getting to the point that they can't give him anything by mouth, without it going into his lungs. I was also told that, because of his quality of life, a feeding tube MIGHT or Might NOT be the best thing to do. It's a tossup as to whether to try for the feeding tube or go with the Hospice thing. The guy from the hospital said to talk it over with the family and see what we wanted to do. The thing IS, I don't HAVE much family left. It's mainly ME, my Daughter and my Dad. In just a little while, I'm going back to the rehab and see my Dad and talk with Him about it. Everything just seems to be happening around his 86th birthday (16 July). The last time a decision, about him, had to be made, HE told ME to make it. I have to make a decision soon, because he isn't eating and they are going to put in an I.V., til they get the word from ME, as to what to do.

I hope you all don't mind me coming to you like this. You all have given me SO MUCH support and Input, in my times of need. This place is like my Family and Lord knows I don't have much more than My Daughter and My Dad.

Thank you, Bill

my78k · « **Reply #1 on:** August 11, 2011, 10:23:03 AM »

Bil, I would go with the feeeding tube. My MIL needed one and it made a big difference. She was only 60 at the time but due to life style had a body in way worse shape than your dad at 86.

Once they were able to get her some proper nutrition she really started to improve. unfortunately she got well enough to get back to her old ways and the drinking and smoking finally got the best of her but it certainly had NOTHING to do with the tube or any of the other care she received.

It's a scary thought I know, but unless they feel the surgery WOULD be worse for him I would say to go for it...

Dennis

sinister902 · « **Reply #2 on:** August 11, 2011, 10:29:47 AM »

I agree with Dennis here...

72 yellow · « **Reply #3 on:** August 11, 2011, 10:34:23 AM »

Bill,

I had to make basically the same decision with my mom. She had told me the same thing about her treatment. I had power of attorney and was her patient advocate. Every time she was moved to a different area, I had to get some doctor to sign off on the do not resuscitate document. I had to make these decisions on my own also. If you and your dad talked this over the decision you have to make will be the right one. But by no means will it be easy. Even though she has been gone for nearly 12 years I know in my heart I made the right choices for her. I also learned that time does not heal, it just makes the hurt a little more tolerable.

Gary

Gordon · « **Reply #4 on:** August 11, 2011, 11:02:32 AM »

I can't tell you what to do, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to put my father in hospice without at least trying the feeding tube first. It all comes down to quality of life, though. Do you feel that your dad would have a decent quality of life if he were to be able to extend it with the use of a feeding tube? I can't imaging having to make this decision, but I know it's something I will have to do someday. It can't be easy trying to make the choice that's best for your loved one while trying to keep your own emotions and desires from clouding your judgment. If you do what you think is best for him, whatever decision you make will the right one.

bill440cars · « **Reply #5 on:** August 11, 2011, 11:09:05 AM »

Quote from: my78k on August 11, 2011, 10:23:03 AM

Bil, I would go with the feeeding tube. My MIL needed one and it made a big difference. She was only 60 at the time but due to life style had a body in way worse shape than your dad at 86.

Once they were able to get her some proper nutrition she really started to improve. unfortunately she got well enough to get back to her old ways and the drinking and smoking finally got the best of her but it certainly had NOTHING to do with the tube or any of the other care she received.

It's a scary thought I know, but unless they feel the surgery WOULD be worse for him I would say to go for it...

Dennis

You know, as I have been talking about it and thinking about it, I am feeling that the tube IS the way to go, like you are saying. After all, if it was meant to be, he will benefit from it and IF NOT, then I will know that I did everything I could. Thank you for your input, Dennis.

Quote from: sinister902 on August 11, 2011, 10:29:47 AM

I agree with Dennis here...

Thanks guy, I am leaning that way too, after I thought about it. I sorta panicked, at first. Thanks for YOUR input as well.

Quote from: 72 yellow on August 11, 2011, 10:34:23 AM

Bill,

I had to make basically the same decision with my mom. She had told me the same thing about her treatment. I had power of attorney and was her patient advocate. Every time she was moved to a different area, I had to get some doctor to sign off on the do not resuscitate document. I had to make these decisions on my own also. If you and your dad talked this over the decision you have to make will be the right one. But by no means will it be easy. Even though she has been gone for nearly 12 years I know in my heart I made the right choices for her. I also learned that time does not heal, it just makes the hurt a little more tolerable.

Gary

Thanks for posting, Gary. I really feel for what you had gone through, I know it was hard. We've had some tough times here, but have gotten through most of them. Thankfully, when I lost my Wife Brenda, she didn't go through alot of suffering and hospitalization. I sure hear you, about "Time does not heal, but makes it a little more tolerable. Thank you so much, for your input here. Take care, Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #6 on:** August 11, 2011, 11:12:48 AM »

Quote from: Gordon on August 11, 2011, 11:02:32 AM

I can't tell you what to do, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to put my father in hospice without at least trying the feeding tube first. It all comes down to quality of life, though. Do you feel that your dad would have a decent quality of life if he were to be able to extend it with the use of a feeding tube? I can't imaging having to make this decision, but I know it's something I will have to do someday. It can't be easy trying to make the choice that's best for your loved one while trying to keep your own emotions and desires from clouding your judgment. If you do what you think is best for him, whatever decision you make will the right one.

The thing is, I just don't know if the feeding tube will bring him back up, or not. I have about decided to go with the tube and pray that he can get back on track, as much as he was. But I am going to go talk with HIM about it and see what he thinks too. Because, IF he DID decide against the tube, then I would have no choice. Thank you Gordon, for YOUR input as well. Bill

greenjeans · « **Reply #7 on:** August 11, 2011, 12:05:22 PM »

First off, my thoughts are with you and your family.

A feeding tube is certainly no guarantee, but they do have their advantages. You will know pretty quickly (a day or 2) if that makes a difference. The body needs nutrients at any stage. My aunt had to have one in the late stages of her life and it definitely helped her out - if only to get her to the point of being more cognizant of those around her. It's going to be a tough decision either way - you are doing the right thing - no matter what decision you make.

John

bill440cars · « **Reply #8 on:** August 11, 2011, 05:21:57 PM »

Quote from: greenjeans on August 11, 2011, 12:05:22 PM

First off, my thoughts are with you and your family.

A feeding tube is certainly no guarantee, but they do have their advantages. You will know pretty quickly (a day or 2) if that makes a difference. The body needs nutrients at any stage. My aunt had to have one in the late stages of her life and it definitely helped her out - if only to get her to the point of being more cognizant of those around her. It's going to be a tough decision either way - you are doing the right thing - no matter what decision you make.

John

Thanks, John, for your input here. I have bounced back and forth on this, since I found out today.
I am getting more educated on the subject, than I wanted to be. But, I never thought that I would need to be. I have found that there are 2 different types of feeding. 1 way, is to receive "dosages" (I guess you could say) several times aday, through the tube. Then, there is being bed ridden and hooked up to it all the time, getting a gradual amount, all day long. I can't see my Dad wanting the all the time version. It'll be something else, just doing the several dosages every day. He's alert and everything now. He just can't eat or drink, cause it goes straight into his lungs. Even with the stuff being of "pudding consistency", it still happens. The doctor and I have agreed that I will give a decision in 2 days, I just hope I am ready.

my78k · « **Reply #9 on:** August 11, 2011, 06:35:39 PM »

Bill my MIL's was the intermittent one. She could disconnect whenever she wasn't using it and reconnect when she was ready for the feeding.

All things considered it was a minor inconvenience (ok not THAT minor!)...like I said as long as the docs feel he is ok for the surgery that is...

bill440cars · « **Reply #10 on:** August 11, 2011, 08:35:29 PM »

Quote from: my78k on August 11, 2011, 06:35:39 PM

Bill my MIL's was the intermittent one. She could disconnect whenever she wasn't using it and reconnect when she was ready for the feeding.

All things considered it was a minor inconvenience (ok not THAT minor!)...like I said as long as the docs feel he is ok for the surgery that is...

I hear what you are saying, but (at this point) I don't know whether my Dad could handle the separate feedings or if he would have to be on a gradual feeding, that would go on all day long. The Doctor doesn't think my Dad would have a problem with the procedure. BUT, if my dad had to be confined to a bed all day long, every day, with little quality of life, that wouldn't be good. I have to get a clarification on the feeding procedure that he could handle. The doctor doesn't feel like it will help to have the feeding tube, considering the shape he is in now.

Head · « **Reply #11 on:** August 11, 2011, 09:23:23 PM »

MY Wife had the feeding tube,In her case it made her a little more comfortable getting the nutrients for the short time she lasted.
Time does make the hurt a little more tolerable. She passed on 4-3-2000, My eyes are welling, So I hope you know that your father loves you AND IS PROUD OF YOU IN KNOWING YOU CAN AND WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION WHAT EVER THAT IS. I HOPE IT ALL TURNS OUT TO BE GOOD FOR YOU AND YOURS. RWJ/HEAD

onagd · « **Reply #12 on:** August 12, 2011, 12:01:26 AM »

Hi Bill, My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
I would also agree with most the comments in regard to the tube, if your Dad is in good enough health to have the operation to have it inserted.
I know you will make the right decision for both of you.
Just for what it is worth Bill, my Dad's birthday is the same as yours' all thought he will only be 81 this year.
Brett

dhall57 · « **Reply #13 on:** August 12, 2011, 04:10:10 AM »

Bill Im sorry about your Dad's condition. Ask the Lord for help and guidance in the situation and you will be at peace with yourself knowing you made the right decision. Life is down right hard at times and we wonder why things happen the way they do. Try to think about the good times, growing up and all the things ya'll did together, all he taught you to be the person you are today and what a great Dad he was and still is. By past threads I know your Dad loves motorcycles and it's easy to see he past that on to you.
Bill, I know I speak for everyone, we are here to give you what ever support and encouragement we can so be strong and hang in there.

dhall

bill440cars · « **Reply #14 on:** August 12, 2011, 04:51:32 AM »

Quote from: Head on August 11, 2011, 09:23:23 PM

MY Wife had the feeding tube,In her case it made her a little more comfortable getting the nutrients for the short time she lasted.
Time does make the hurt a little more tolerable. She passed on 4-3-2000, My eyes are welling, So I hope you know that your father loves you AND IS PROUD OF YOU IN KNOWING YOU CAN AND WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION WHAT EVER THAT IS. I HOPE IT ALL TURNS OUT TO BE GOOD FOR YOU AND YOURS. RWJ/HEAD

Oh Man, I can sure identify with YOU. My Wife, fortunately, didn't have to go through all of that, but I lost HER on 1 July 2009 and THAT has been the hardest to handle. Through it ALL, She was There For ME and helped me through the losses as they came. But, when it comes time for my Dad to go, it'll be all on me. Doing my best to sort this out and, with Dad's best interest at heart, I am trying to get to the point of telling them what to do. I DO appreciate your taking the time to provide input on this. Thank you so much, Bill

demon78 · « **Reply #15 on:** August 12, 2011, 04:55:47 AM »

Bill I've had to go through it and it's the pits, going from from the provided for to the the provider is a wrench, the only thing I can offer is do your best as you see it, not as some one else sees it, and when the future comes, no the pain won't go away, all time does is numb it a bit (I still revue my decisions about my mother after 20 years) as far as I'm concerned for me I hope it's quick so that the people don't have to look after me. I hesitate to say how I'm going because you and every one else knows that it'll be the exact opposite to what I want, in this outfit.
Bill the demon.

bill440cars · « **Reply #16 on:** August 12, 2011, 05:14:49 AM »

Quote from: onagd on August 12, 2011, 12:01:26 AM

Hi Bill, My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
I would also agree with most the comments in regard to the tube, if your Dad is in good enough health to have the operation to have it inserted.
I know you will make the right decision for both of you.
Just for what it is worth Bill, my Dad's birthday is the same as yours' all thought he will only be 81 this year.
Brett

Thank you Brett. The doctor thinks he can handle it, but says he doesn't think it will help. He, of course, has to respect MY wishes and go with the tube, if I say so. I just have to settle on it and let my decision be known. Congratulations on having your Dad, for all this time. Thank you for your input, it ALL helps. Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #17 on:** August 12, 2011, 05:34:24 AM »

Quote from: dhall57 on August 12, 2011, 04:10:10 AM

Bill Im sorry about your Dad's condition. Ask the Lord for help and guidance in the situation and you will be at peace with yourself knowing you made the right decision. Life is down right hard at times and we wonder why things happen the way they do. Try to think about the good times, growing up and all the things ya'll did together, all he taught you to be the person you are today and what a great Dad he was and still is. By past threads I know your Dad loves motorcycles and it's easy to see he past that on to you.
Bill, I know I speak for everyone, we are here to give you what ever support and encouragement we can so be strong and hang in there.

dhall

I've prayed about it and talked with my Dad and he knows that a decision has to be made. All said and done, I'm still nervous about this. We HAVE had some good times. Yeah, my Dad would STILL like to be out there building, working on and riding motorcycles. And, to pass it on to me, he had me BUILD my first street bike from parts, at my Granddad's shop. The only NEW parts I could use were like piston rings, head gasket, seals and such. I had to make my own gaskets. Everything else was used. And, we had a friend who did leather work and he also made seat covers and he recovered my seat. I thought I would NEVER get that bike together. I sure wish I would have thought to have taken pictures of my Dad's motorcycles that he'd had and those he built.

Doing my Best to hang in there and I'll be doing alot of praying for that guidance as well. I've always heard that the Lord won't put more on a person, than they can handle, but sometimes I wonder if he remembers who he is dealing with. Kidding. The Lord has gotten us through the whole episode of dealing with my (so called) brother and his wife and he has gotten ME through Losing my Wife Brenda. And My Dad knows that the Lord IS in control and it's HIS way. Thanks for your input. Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #18 on:** August 12, 2011, 05:38:35 AM »

Quote from: demon72 on August 12, 2011, 04:55:47 AM

Bill I've had to go through it and it's the pits, going from from the provided for to the the provider is a wrench, the only thing I can offer is do your best as you see it, not as some one else sees it, and when the future comes, no the pain won't go away, all time does is numb it a bit (I still revue my decisions about my mother after 20 years) as far as I'm concerned for me I hope it's quick so that the people don't have to look after me. I hesitate to say how I'm going because you and every one else knows that it'll be the exact opposite to what I want, in this outfit.
Bill the demon.

Thanks Bill, Always appreciate YOUR input as well. I have to find out exactly what's in store for us, as we go down this path and try to prepare for that as well. I can't go on much more now, I have to get around and get back up there and see my Dad and keep him up on the goings on. I'll be back after while. Thank you again and EVERYONE who is supporting us. Much Appreciated, Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #19 on:** August 23, 2011, 10:25:23 AM »

He's Looking Better, seems to be handling the therapy pretty well and they have put him back on having his drinks slightly thickened, instead of "Pudding Consistency". His food has to be pureed and hopefully, he will be able to go back to having regular food again. The way things have turned around, it might be possible. Still Praying.

Bob Wessner · « **Reply #20 on:** August 23, 2011, 10:38:25 AM »

Good to hear, Bill. I hope his improvement continues.

faux fiddy · « **Reply #21 on:** August 23, 2011, 11:23:36 AM »

My Dad was driving his car on a Friday and slipping into a coma the following Saturday. I could not wake him for a phone call. I called the EMT's and into the ER. They said without a DNR order he would be put on a respirator, and next time I saw him he was being puffed full of air, a most uncomfortable looking situation.

Looking back perhaps it would have been better if he had faded away in his chair, without the few weks in the hospital, confused and tugging at his IV's and stuff, but there was no way to know he wouldn't come home for a couple more years. Not to mention the problems it might have caused me.

He was alert and I fed him a big meal just days before he died. They had been concerned about him not eating. A few nights before I had broght him a milkshake, and the doctors were happy to hear that had got him to eating.

The guy (dad) was so darn polite and humble , when I asked him if he wanted a shake, he said "I don't know," as if maybe he thought it was too much trouble to walk to the braums next door to the hospital and that he was putting me out. I said well do you or don't you, because I'm going to get one for me. I think it was the first time in a week that he had had more than a coupe bites of food at any meal and he finished it with no problem. (A stop at Braums was a regular thing for us.)

If you can, find something he likes to eat for himself, but if not he needs nutrition however he can get it. Either way, 84 or 85 or 86 is a good long life, and at a certain point you may want to do a DNR order.
I hesitated on signing one, left it up to a discussion between my brothers. The Doctors started describing heart massage and splitting open ribs, etc. For sure that is no way to go, sounds like a mess.

bill440cars · « **Reply #22 on:** August 23, 2011, 07:23:21 PM »

Quote from: tree fiddy of industry on August 23, 2011, 11:23:36 AM

My Dad was driving his car on a Friday and slipping into a coma the following Saturday. I could not wake him for a phone call. I called the EMT's and into the ER. They said without a DNR order he would be put on a respirator, and next time I saw him he was being puffed full of air, a most uncomfortable looking situation.

Looking back perhaps it would have been better if he had faded away in his chair, without the few weks in the hospital, confused and tugging at his IV's and stuff, but there was no way to know he wouldn't come home for a couple more years. Not to mention the problems it might have caused me.

He was alert and I fed him a big meal just days before he died. They had been concerned about him not eating. A few nights before I had broght him a milkshake, and the doctors were happy to hear that had got him to eating.

The guy (dad) was so darn polite and humble , when I asked him if he wanted a shake, he said "I don't know," as if maybe he thought it was too much trouble to walk to the braums next door to the hospital and that he was putting me out. I said well do you or don't you, because I'm going to get one for me. I think it was the first time in a week that he had had more than a coupe bites of food at any meal and he finished it with no problem. (A stop at Braums was a regular thing for us.)

If you can, find something he likes to eat for himself, but if not he needs nutrition however he can get it. Either way, 84 or 85 or 86 is a good long life, and at a certain point you may want to do a DNR order.
I hesitated on signing one, left it up to a discussion between my brothers. The Doctors started describing heart massage and splitting open ribs, etc. For sure that is no way to go, sounds like a mess.

Oh man, I hate to hear what you all had to go through, I sure feel for you Brother. I appreciate your relating it to me though. Yes, we had already gone through the ordeal of the DNR order. Before I got him up here near us, he was in the hospital (for pneumonia) in Morrilton, Arkansas and after having some scans done and it was noted that he had an anurism near his stomach. He's had one there before, but had surgery. But this time, the Doctor conferred with 2 other Doctors of 2 different hospitals and decided that because of my Dad's condition, they would not even go in and check it out, because they didn't think he would survive that. That's when that Doctor told me that I needed to discuss the "Living Will" with him. So, I did. My Dad looked at ME and said "You decide, that's what I've got YOU for!"I thought, Gee Thanks Dad!" Anyway, I told him that I knew that my Mom did NOT want to be on any kind of machine and such as that and SO I figured that HE didn't either and so, I said that I figured that he would want the DNR order and my Dad agreed. So, even though he left it up to ME, he still had a say in it. It was unnerving, the way that Doctor explained about what would happen w/o the "Living Will" and With it. I had always thought that they would go part ways and THEN decided whether to go further or not. I've learned a hell of a lot over the last 4yrs, about all kinds of legal and health things, to do with taking care of my Dad.

How are YOU doing now? I can only imagine how your experience was. I mean, I lost my Wife 2yrs ago last month, but had no idea what was in store for us, until that morning and in about 30 minutes (or so), she was gone. You just never know when the time is coming.

78 k550 · « **Reply #23 on:** August 23, 2011, 09:39:51 PM »

sorry I haven't been keeping up. Glad things are looking up.

Paul

faux fiddy · « **Reply #24 on:** August 24, 2011, 03:13:30 AM »

Quote from: bill440cars on August 23, 2011, 07:23:21 PM

Quote from: tree fiddy of industry on August 23, 2011, 11:23:36 AM

How are YOU doing now? I can only imagine how your experience was. I mean, I lost my Wife 2yrs ago last month, but had no idea what was in store for us, until that morning and in about 30 minutes (or so), she was gone. You just never know when the time is coming.

Basicly dealing with sibling as s-holery, greed and such, pilfering, and prolly a hundred bK's of loand that dad made that won't be paid back. I knew his business pretty well, loans out, etc.

Living wil/ Trust has become a kabal between two people who owe the most, I am a mushroom in the dark, but left in the house that has been a full time job for a couple years. Roof, trees, lawns all stuff that I could have hired out instead of busting my back. Somehow when I told him that this could be claimed and beyond the price of his deductable we made a claim. Now the agenda is pay nothing but a kind thank you and steal what they can.

Of course they asked for and received money for nothing and I get nothing. Sorry bro's , we need to examine this a little closer, I think the cause of action in unjust enrichment.

Had a nice week in DC with his veteran group, they are the real family. As much as I don't think tatoo is for me, maybe there is one just for me if someone else at the reunion next year drinks enough on the same night and also does it on a dare.

I think the little cat in the sherman with a lightning bolt is kinda cool, especially with a slogn like "Delenda est Mal."

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Author Topic: About My Dad, Looks Like He's Making A Comeback (Read 4265 times)