Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 158241 times)

RAFster122s · « **Reply #526 on:** June 08, 2021, 12:24:33 AM »

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says: "Ya know, I'd herd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it."

RAFster122s · « **Reply #527 on:** June 08, 2021, 12:36:23 AM »

I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers...
... and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.

Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they just waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

I have never driven a taxi before, and I'm not sure where I got it.

70CB750 · « **Reply #528 on:** June 11, 2021, 06:32:00 AM »

70CB750 · « **Reply #529 on:** June 11, 2021, 06:32:26 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #530 on:** June 11, 2021, 08:33:33 AM »

My grandpa told me, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I #$%*ed a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him"

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his friends. He comes back three days later with a broken arm and covered in bruises.

The grandfather asks "What the hell happened to you?"

The grandson says "I did just like you did. I went to the Moulin Rouge with my friends; I tried to #$%* a dancer on stage and piss on the bartender - but they beat the #$%* out of me and stole all the cash in my wallet!"

The grandfather asks "Well who the hell did you go with boy?"

The grandson says "My friends from school, who did you go with?"

The grandfather says "Well... the 2nd SS Panzer Division"

Don R · « **Reply #531 on:** June 11, 2021, 08:52:33 AM »

^ choosing proper friends might make a difference.

HondaMan · « **Reply #532 on:** June 11, 2021, 07:29:56 PM »

Quote from: 70CB750 on May 29, 2021, 10:15:53 AM

The London branch of Bank Leumi decides to carry out an audit of passwords used by their customers. To their surprise, they find that Harry Levy, one of their elderly customers, has regularly been using a very lengthy password. The password being used was:
AdamEveNoahMosesAbrahamIsaacJacobJosephJerusalem
So the office manager phones Harry. "Mr Levy," says the manager, "we’ve just discovered that you’re using an unnecessarily long password to get into your online account with us. Why did you choose such a long password?"
"I only did what I was instructed to do by your office," replies Harry.
"So what did they tell you to do?" asks the manager.
Harry replies, "They told me that the password had to be 8 characters long and had to include at least one capital."

Excellent!

70CB750 · « **Reply #533 on:** June 12, 2021, 03:31:51 AM »

Don R · « **Reply #534 on:** June 13, 2021, 02:50:55 PM »

When I was young I wished that I had hair like Peter Frampton. Now I do. Sorry Peter, I didn't know it was going to go that way.

Bankerdanny · « **Reply #535 on:** June 14, 2021, 07:21:23 PM »

Stolen from Facebook today

kmb69 · « **Reply #536 on:** June 15, 2021, 03:57:36 PM »

Talk about one lucky sob!

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #537 on:** June 15, 2021, 06:57:01 PM »

Ha ha, one of Oz's crooked old celebrity doctors, Geoffrey Edelstein, died a couple of days ago. Epstein had a string of slutty ex-wives at least half his age, and the last one, and arguably the slutty-est, who broke up with him 4 years ago has been posting on social media that she'd never divorced him, so she's now his widow, blah blah blah, makes me laugh, what some women won't do for money always surprises me.......

70CB750 · « **Reply #538 on:** June 18, 2021, 03:28:35 AM »

wesleypaul · « **Reply #539 on:** June 18, 2021, 03:07:59 PM »

This really made my day

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Old Moe Toe · « **Reply #540 on:** June 18, 2021, 04:16:04 PM »

grcamna2 · « **Reply #541 on:** June 18, 2021, 04:46:26 PM »

Lol !

Don R · « **Reply #542 on:** June 18, 2021, 06:13:44 PM »

I love that one! ^

70CB750 · « **Reply #543 on:** June 22, 2021, 04:24:25 AM »

grcamna2 · « **Reply #544 on:** June 22, 2021, 10:28:40 AM »

Quote from: 70CB750 on June 22, 2021, 04:24:25 AM

;

Lol

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #545 on:** June 24, 2021, 10:27:59 PM »

Mosquito trap by Terry Prendergast, on Flickr

ken65 · « **Reply #546 on:** June 24, 2021, 10:54:07 PM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #547 on:** June 24, 2021, 11:56:01 PM »

Don R · « **Reply #548 on:** June 25, 2021, 11:50:29 AM »

The mosquito trap is like the old cure for crabs, you shave one half of your pubic hair, set the other side on fire with lighter fluid and when the crabs run out in the open you stab them with an ice pick.

RAFster122s · « **Reply #549 on:** June 25, 2021, 12:19:04 PM »

News:

Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 158241 times)

ken65