WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY
> U.S. PRESIDENT,
> DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
> My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of
> the Iraq regime has
> been completed.
>
> Since congress does not want to spend any more money
> on this war, our
> mission in Iraq is complete.
>
> This morning I gave the order for a complete removal
> of all American
> forces from Iraq This action will be complete within
> 30 days. It is now
> time to begin the reckoning.
>
> Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
> names of countries
> which have stood by our side during the Iraq
> conflict. This list is short.
> The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia ,
> and Poland are some of
> the countries listed there.
>
> The other list contains everyone not on the first
> list. Most of the
> world's nations are on that list. My press secretary
> will be distributing
> copies of both lists later this evening.
>
> Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
> foreign aid to those
> nations on List 2 ceases immediately and
> indefinitely. The money saved
> during the first year alone will pretty much pay for
> the costs of the
> Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT GO TO OUR
> SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM
> SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
>
> The American people are no longer going to pour
> money into third world
> Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow
> fat on corruption.
>
> Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an
> epidemic? Call France .
>
> In the future, together with Congress, I will work
> to redirect this money
> toward solving the vexing social problems we still
> have at home . On that
> note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with
> us and we will hunt
> you down and eliminate you and all your friends from
> the face of the
> earth.
>
> Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try
> France , or maybe China .
>
> I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
> relations with France ,
> Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help,
> comrades. We are retiring
> from NATO as well. Bon chance, mess amiss.
>
> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to
> begin towing the many UN
> diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more
> than two unpaid parking
> tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
> stripped, shredded and
> crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains
> to this. You creeps
> have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those
> tickets tomorrow or
> watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be
> turned over to some of
> the finest chop shops in the world. I love New Yor
>
> Mexico is also on List 2 President Felipe Calderon
> and his entire corrupt
> government really need an attitude adjustment. I
> will have a couple extra
> tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess
> where I am going to put
> 'em? Yep, border security.
>
> Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the
> NAFTA treaty -
> starting now.
>
> We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately,
> we'll be drilling for
> oil in Alaska - which will take care of this
> country's oil needs for
> decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who
> opposes this decision,
> I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move
> there. They care.
>
> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare
> and its own citizens.
> Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them
> by saying, "darn
> too-tin."
>
> Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
> decent life around the
> world has only earned us the undying enmity of just
> about everyone on the
> planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It
> is time to eliminate
> homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1,
> a final thought. Thank
> you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
>
> To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might
> want to learn to
> speak Arabic.
>
> God bless America . Thank you and good night.
>