Topic: Rules of the Cafe' Racer

[Magilla]

My $0.02 on the Cafe' bike.

Rules:

1:  Ride what you like, like what you ride.

2: A set of clubman’s does not make a bike a Cafe' racer.  It makes it a bike with uncomfortable bars.

3:  Strapping a thin piece of foam to piece of plywood because it's cheap, does not make your bike look or go faster.

4:  Quality comes in steps.  Some of the crapy bikes we see are "learning curves" for people that may become great.  Keep working at it.  I'm sure that Michael Angelo made some #$%*y statues when he was a kid.

5:  Don’t enter crap into a car/bike show.  Keep the works in progress and the learning curves out of competitions.  This is not the place for them.  Ride them to the show, be proud of them and park them in the lot not the show.

6:  Just because you own and ride a Cafe' bike does not mean that you need to dress like a douche.  Leave the costume at home Massengil.

7:  The original point of a Cafe' racer was to make it faster so when you raced from Cafe' to Cafe' you would win the race.  Try spending more time making it faster than adding a checkered flag sticker to it.

8:  Stickers are cool when your 10.  Are you still 10?  Then keep them off your bike and put them on your tool box where they belong.

9:  Don’t take a nice original bike and hack it up to make a Cafe or custom.  Find a bike that needs lots of work and do it to that one.

10:  Neon lights belong in Vegas and not on bikes and cars.  NEVER FORGET THIS RULE.

[tortelvis]

Agreed! Like the term chopping meant removal of parts for weight loss. And how in the hell can there even BE such a thing as a "factory custom"? I have seen very few real customs since returning from Europe, just a load of bikes with bolt on crap.

[70CB750]

11. Don't make rules.

[Magilla]

Without rules, rule breakers would have nothing to break except windows and I dont want my windows broken.  Dont be a window breaker.

[madScientist]

This is pretty awesome!

I think I stuck to the rules since I started with making my bike faster...THEN look nice.

[Cabilao]

Thumbs up to rule # 1.

[toytuff]

Well put, well said.

Kudos.

tt

[scottly]

I disagree with the second statement in rule 2; I have had clubmans on my bike for over 30 years, and I've logged a few miles with them..

[seanbarney41]

yeah, but Scottly you also have rearsets and seating to provide a well designed riding position...Magilla, your rules are well said, but didn't anyone tell you that checkerboards and douchey clothes really do add up to 25 hp?

[Stev-o]

I've never liked rules but do agree with these. 

[Magilla]

yeah, but Scottly you also have rearsets and seating to provide a well designed riding position...Magilla, your rules are well said, but didn't anyone tell you that checkerboards and douchey clothes really do add up to 25 hp?

If this is true then look for me in a douchey checkered suit soon.  I figure if I combine them I might squeeze out an additional 5 hp.  Nice.

[Magilla]

In the for what its worth section of life:  I like the way clubmans look I just don't think that putting a set on your bike makes it a Cafe' racer. 

As for comfort I use to have a set of flat drag (similar to clubmans) bars on my FXR.  I had them on for many years and although they looked great they sucked for the long ride.  It never stopped me from taking a long ride but I did spend enough cash on Advil that I should have been the CEO.

[Stev-o]

In the for what its worth section of life:  I like the way clubmans look I just don't think that putting a set on your bike makes it a Cafe' racer. 

+1.  Hey Mag - have you seen the thread with Gordon's rant on "cafe racers"?
It is a classic read.

[toytuff]

Point number nine hits it right on the head.

If selling a bike and the potential buyer even mentions cafe' it's a no sale.

tt

[Magilla]

+1.  Hey Mag - have you seen the thread with Gordon's rant on "cafe racers"?
It is a classic read.
[/quote]

I have not seen it.  Can you post a link?

[Magilla]

Cafe' bikes are like pit bulls.  I like them but hate most (not all) of the owners.

[Steve F]

#12.  Don't listen to rule makers...they'll just piss you off. 

[Stev-o]

Reprinted w/o permission, originally written by Gordon March 2011....




I know I'll catch some (deserved) flack for this one, but here goes! 

Cafe

As in:  I just picked up an old, neglected sohc4 for a steal, and I think I'm gonna "cafe" it.

Definition:  I'm very susceptible to popular trends and I don't have the time/money/patience to do a proper rebuild, so I'm gonna throw on a solo seat, some clubmans, and I'm gonna junk that ugly air box and put on some cheap pods because that air box is a pain in the ass when I have to keep pulling the carbs to figure out why my bike isn't running well instead of just doing a thorough clean and rebuild of them the first time, and then I'll get pissed at it because it runs even worse and I can never get those stupid carbs tuned right, and then I'll bolt on a ratty old 4-1 exhaust and ditch that useless, heavy center stand, and then I'll half-ass an attempt at converting to dual front discs but end up with two discs and only one working caliper instead, and then I'm gonna get rid of those ugly clocks because the needles just bounce around uselessy and put on a digital bicycle speedometer, and I'm gonna put on a super bright headlight and a Dyna-S because fukin' points are crappy, old technology and I don't want to learn how to adjust and set points anyway, and then I'm gonna curse this bike's old, anemic charging system because it can't keep the tiny battery I've installed in the seat hump charged, so then I'll change all the other bulbs to LED, and then I'll put on the fattest, cheapest tires I can find 'cuz I can't stand the look of those stock pizza-cutters and then #$%* about my bike not handling well but I don't care because it looks tits, and then I'll try to fix that with some cartridge emulators I heard about that will make your bike handle like a modern crotch rocket and put on these cheap, Chinese piggyback shocks I found on ebay because they make the bike look mean and fast but they're too long so I'll put on these lowering blocks while I'm at it but the shocks hit the chain guard making it rub the chain so I'll throw away that useless thing, and hey how do I hang this exhaust,  I guess I'll just use some of this pipe strap, and how much exhaust wrap do I need, and I think the engine is overheating so I'll put on this oil cooler, and the valve cover keeps leaking so I'll just use this gasket sealer instead of shelling out for new gaskets, and why did my engine make a loud screeching sound followed by a louder PING and then die? 

SCREW IT!  I'm sick of trying to get this POS running well!  I'll call it a cafe and try to sell it on ebay for $5,000 because I see that guy Carpy selling them for that much all the time, and hey, these things are rare, sought-after, vintage bikes, right?


     

[toytuff]

Boy, some paragraphs would of been nice. I'm dizzy. Maybe I need medication?

Actually you are not far off in your assessment. 

tt

[Magilla]

It sounds like Gordon was angry when he wrote that.  My post is not meant to be angry at all.  Its meant for a laugh or two.

[FunJimmy]

11. Don't make rules.

+1

It's easy to take shots at the so called Cafe Racers of the world and for he most part it's brought on by the crap they call "Cafe", but trying to corral them into a specific design template quells creativity. IMO, that type of thinking is akin to the Harley crowd and not desirable on this forum.

Low quality, poorly executed "Cafe" builds are market driven! Spend a few months on the various vintage bike sites, particularly the classifieds and you'll soon notice how cheep the vintage bike crowd is. That makes the proposition of building a high quality bike a loosing proposition exacerbated by rule #9.

Rule #9 imposes higher build costs for the sake of protecting the globes supply of crapy old stock bikes. I see it differently. It's the "Garbage in, garbage out" adage. Start with a good donor and build a good bike while increasing the value of all the other stock bikes remaining in the market. Win, win!

You should add a universal rule  (not directed at anyone specific) - Don't be a cheap insulting member of the motorcycling community.

Just my $0.02

[Gordon]

It sounds like Gordon was angry when he wrote that.  My post is not meant to be angry at all.  Its meant for a laugh or two.

So was mine, but taken out of context I see how it could seem that way.  I prefer if the whole thread is linked to so I don't come across as more of an #$%* than I already am.

http://forums.sohc4.net/index.php?topic=84697.0

[754]

Hooker header that one in the box..

[toytuff]

Hooker header that one in the box..

PM sent.

tt

[jamesb]

Cafe' bikes are like pit bulls.  I like them but hate most (not all) of the owners.

Well heck Magilla I guess I'm screwed then I have a pitbull and a cafe but for what it's worth the cafe has had some things done to it for more performance no clublmans, no checkers, and no numbers though. It does have drag bars and a fiberglass seat. As far as Otis goes (my pitbull) he gets a little aggresive with strangers and defenitly doesn't care for kids.