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Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.  (Read 149906 times)

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Offline Don R

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #425 on: April 08, 2021, 10:51:36 AM »
 Hey UPS man wait and see,
 Is there a package in your truck for me?
 I've been waiting such a long time,
 Just to hear about these parts of mine,

 There must be some word today,
 From my supplier so far away,
 You didn't stop, to make me feel bet-ter
 By leaving me, some mufflers and headers,  ----
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No matter how many times you paint over a shadow, it's still there.
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 You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #426 on: April 09, 2021, 06:41:18 PM »
Beautiful work Don, I felt the same anguish when the delivery date on the freight company's tracking page changed the delivery of my latest K2 parts bike from yesterday, to today. The name of the freight company is "FFS Transport" which I presume stands for, "For Fcuks Sake!", an Aussie expression of exasperation, and I do recall muttering the name of the transport company many times during the course of the day........ ;D
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I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Online grcamna2

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #427 on: April 09, 2021, 06:43:46 PM »
Quote from: Terry in Australia on April 09, 2021, 06:41:18 PM
Beautiful work Don, I felt the same anguish when the delivery date on the freight company's tracking page changed the delivery of my latest K2 parts bike from yesterday, to today. The name of the freight company is "FFS Transport" which I presume stands for, "For Fcuks Sake!", an Aussie expression of exasperation, and I do recall muttering the name of the transport company many times during the course of the day........ ;D

That delivery show-up for you yet Terry ?
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Do your BEST...nobody can take that away from you.

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #428 on: April 09, 2021, 06:47:35 PM »
Quote from: grcamna2 on April 09, 2021, 06:43:46 PM
Quote from: Terry in Australia on April 09, 2021, 06:41:18 PM
Beautiful work Don, I felt the same anguish when the delivery date on the freight company's tracking page changed the delivery of my latest K2 parts bike from yesterday, to today. The name of the freight company is "FFS Transport" which I presume stands for, "For Fcuks Sake!", an Aussie expression of exasperation, and I do recall muttering the name of the transport company many times during the course of the day........ ;D

That delivery show-up for you yet Terry ?

No not yet Bill, but the Driver texted me at 0940 (it's 1145 now) that it'll be delivered within the next 3 hours, so all going well it'll arrive before 1pm, so I can roll it down my driveway before taking my K2 for a ride. It's cold and wet today, so my first "Wet weather Riding Gear" ride for the year. ;D
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I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Don R

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #429 on: April 11, 2021, 10:10:37 PM »
 Once they said it shipped, it was here lickety split. Pretty good for the Netherlands, I assume air freight to Chicago because once it cleared customs it arrived quickly.
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No matter how many times you paint over a shadow, it's still there.
 CEO at the no kill motorcycle shop.
 You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Offline RAFster122s

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #430 on: April 12, 2021, 06:57:51 AM »
😄
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David- back in the desert SW!

Offline RAFster122s

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #431 on: April 12, 2021, 06:59:09 AM »
😉
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David- back in the desert SW!

Offline RAFster122s

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #432 on: April 12, 2021, 07:05:02 AM »
😁
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David- back in the desert SW!

Offline RAFster122s

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #433 on: April 12, 2021, 11:57:42 AM »
I tried out for belly dancing, they said I was over qualified.
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David- back in the desert SW!

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #434 on: April 14, 2021, 01:48:41 AM »
A man went to the doctor. He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks." "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked.
"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.
"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can."
I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.
"I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places." ;D
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I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Don R

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #435 on: April 15, 2021, 02:40:50 PM »
 A former co-worker and I went to tour a B17 a few years ago. We were left to walk through unattended, I climbed up into the cockpit and my buddy was standing on the ladder taking pictures. He had backed down to get a different angle and asked, What's that noise?  A voice from below said it's me,  and you're standing on my fingers!!! 
 The guy turned out to be a size XXX not in good shape, and he couldn't fit through the bomb bay or go back down the ladder. They removed the safety chains and he swung around the vertical tubes to get through and out the back. 
« Last Edit: April 15, 2021, 02:43:36 PM by Don R »
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No matter how many times you paint over a shadow, it's still there.
 CEO at the no kill motorcycle shop.
 You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Online grcamna2

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #436 on: April 15, 2021, 02:56:22 PM »
Quote from: Don R on April 15, 2021, 02:40:50 PM
A former co-worker and I went to tour a B17 a few years ago. We were left to walk through unattended, I climbed up into the cockpit and my buddy was standing on the ladder taking pictures. He had backed down to get a different angle and asked, What's that noise?  A voice from below said it's me,  and you're standing on my fingers!!! 
 The guy turned out to be a size XXX not in good shape, and he couldn't fit through the bomb bay or go back down the ladder. They removed the safety chains and he swung around the vertical tubes to get through and out the back.

For real ?
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75' CB400F/'bunch o' parts'
  I love the small ones too !
Do your BEST...nobody can take that away from you.

Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #437 on: April 15, 2021, 04:07:11 PM »
It does. Military aircraft etc are designed for fit healthy individuals. Back in the mid 80’s Australia’s Defence Minister was Kim Beazely. He was a huge fat pr1ck who was a lefty, didn’t like Defence and didn’t want the Defence portfolio.

He visited the barracks, and the Armoured Corps guys had a special size xxxxxL tank suit made for him, and a ladder so he could climb up onto the Leopard tank but didn’t realise he wouldn’t fit through the tank commanders hatch, and he pretty much got stuck.

I would have left him there until he’d lost enough weight to climb out on his own, but the senior military officers in his entourage made us drag the fat poofter out. He changed ministerial portfolios shortly afterwards...... ;D
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I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Don R

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #438 on: April 15, 2021, 04:45:15 PM »
  HA^!
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No matter how many times you paint over a shadow, it's still there.
 CEO at the no kill motorcycle shop.
 You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Offline Don R

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #439 on: April 15, 2021, 08:03:41 PM »
 Three conspiracy theorists walked into a bar,,
  You can't tell me that's an accident.

  I farted into my wallet,
  Now I have gas money.

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No matter how many times you paint over a shadow, it's still there.
 CEO at the no kill motorcycle shop.
 You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Offline Alan F.

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #440 on: April 15, 2021, 08:49:09 PM »
Quote from: Terry in Australia on April 15, 2021, 04:07:11 PM
It does. Military aircraft etc are designed for fit healthy individuals. Back in the mid 80’s Australia’s Defence Minister was Kim Beazely. He was a huge fat pr1ck who was a lefty, didn’t like Defence and didn’t want the Defence portfolio.

He visited the barracks, and the Armoured Corps guys had a special size xxxxxL tank suit made for him, and a ladder so he could climb up onto the Leopard tank but didn’t realise he wouldn’t fit through the tank commanders hatch, and he pretty much got stuck.

I would have left him there until he’d lost enough weight to climb out on his own, but the senior military officers in his entourage made us drag the fat poofter out. He changed ministerial portfolios shortly afterwards...... ;D

My first thought....



« Last Edit: April 15, 2021, 08:51:34 PM by Alan F. »
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Offline jgger

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #441 on: April 15, 2021, 09:02:57 PM »
Oh bother!
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Offline Terry in Australia

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #442 on: April 15, 2021, 09:57:48 PM »
Quote from: Alan F. on April 15, 2021, 08:49:09 PM
Quote from: Terry in Australia on April 15, 2021, 04:07:11 PM
It does. Military aircraft etc are designed for fit healthy individuals. Back in the mid 80’s Australia’s Defence Minister was Kim Beazely. He was a huge fat pr1ck who was a lefty, didn’t like Defence and didn’t want the Defence portfolio.

He visited the barracks, and the Armoured Corps guys had a special size xxxxxL tank suit made for him, and a ladder so he could climb up onto the Leopard tank but didn’t realise he wouldn’t fit through the tank commanders hatch, and he pretty much got stuck.

I would have left him there until he’d lost enough weight to climb out on his own, but the senior military officers in his entourage made us drag the fat poofter out. He changed ministerial portfolios shortly afterwards...... ;D

My first thought....





Ha ha, yeah, only difference is, I like Pooh Bear........ ;D
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I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Steve F

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #443 on: April 16, 2021, 02:28:58 PM »
Quote from: Terry in Australia on April 15, 2021, 04:07:11 PM
It does. Military aircraft etc are designed for fit healthy individuals. Back in the mid 80’s Australia’s Defence Minister was Kim Beazely. He was a huge fat pr1ck who was a lefty, didn’t like Defence and didn’t want the Defence portfolio.

He visited the barracks, and the Armoured Corps guys had a special size xxxxxL tank suit made for him, and a ladder so he could climb up onto the Leopard tank but didn’t realise he wouldn’t fit through the tank commanders hatch, and he pretty much got stuck.

I would have left him there until he’d lost enough weight to climb out on his own, but the senior military officers in his entourage made us drag the fat poofter out. He changed ministerial portfolios shortly afterwards...... ;D
Maybe should have tried filling the tank with propane and lit it off... he would have popped out of there like a cork.
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Offline 34barab

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #444 on: April 16, 2021, 02:50:12 PM »
Well, that just lightened my mood. ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Online grcamna2

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #445 on: April 16, 2021, 05:09:17 PM »
Quote from: Steve F on April 16, 2021, 02:28:58 PM
Quote from: Terry in Australia on April 15, 2021, 04:07:11 PM
It does. Military aircraft etc are designed for fit healthy individuals. Back in the mid 80’s Australia’s Defence Minister was Kim Beazely. He was a huge fat pr1ck who was a lefty, didn’t like Defence and didn’t want the Defence portfolio.

He visited the barracks, and the Armoured Corps guys had a special size xxxxxL tank suit made for him, and a ladder so he could climb up onto the Leopard tank but didn’t realise he wouldn’t fit through the tank commanders hatch, and he pretty much got stuck.

I would have left him there until he’d lost enough weight to climb out on his own, but the senior military officers in his entourage made us drag the fat poofter out. He changed ministerial portfolios shortly afterwards...... ;D
Maybe should have tried filling the tank with propane and lit it off... he would have popped out of there like a cork.

Lol  ;D
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75' CB400F/'bunch o' parts'
  I love the small ones too !
Do your BEST...nobody can take that away from you.

Offline RAFster122s

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #446 on: April 16, 2021, 05:20:32 PM »
Woman on trial for beating her boyfriend to death with his guitar collection.

Judge: First offender?

Girlfriend: No first a Gibson then a Fender
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David- back in the desert SW!

Offline RAFster122s

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #447 on: April 16, 2021, 05:21:39 PM »
A Nun was praying when the priest approached her.

The Priest Lightly Tapped the Nun on the shoulder and asked her to follow him. The Priest Walked Away and The Nun quickly followed not far behind him. They arrived In a Room Behind the Church.

The Priest Went inside the room and gestured for the Nun to do the same. "Sister, Close The Door" Said The Priest. "Jesus If Something ever happens please forgive my soul" Prayed The Nun.

"Sister Lock it" Said The Priest.
"Jesus If Something Ever Happens Please Forgive My Soul" Prayed The Nun.

"Sister Close The Window Curtains" Said The Priest.
"Jesus If Something ever happens please forgive my soul" Prayed The Nun.

"Sister close the lights" The Priest Said.
"Jesus If Something Ever Happens Please Forgive My soul."

"Sister come here beside me" The Priest Said.
"Jesus I'm sorry for what is about to happen please forgive my soul in heaven" prayed the Nun.

"Sister Look at My Watch; it glows in the dark"
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David- back in the desert SW!

Offline 70CB750

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #448 on: April 17, 2021, 02:08:15 PM »
There once was a girl named Louise
Her pubes hung down to her knees
Her crabs got together
And knitted a sweater
So in the winter her flaps wouldnt freeze
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Prokop
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Offline Steve F

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Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #449 on: April 18, 2021, 10:33:25 AM »
Note to self:
Never throw toothpicks into the urinal....


Crabs can pole vault!
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