Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.

[70CB750]

 

[Don R]

 Lady- Do you drink beer?
 Man- Yes I do,
 Lady- how many per day?
 Man - 3
 Lady- how much do you pay?
 Man- $5 at the bar including tip
 Lady- how long have you been drinking?
 Man- about 20 years
 Lady- 3 beers a day is $450 a month, $5400 a year, in 20 years that's $108,000!
 Man- that sounds about right
 Lady- do you know that's enough, in savings with interest , you could have bought an airplane?
 Man- do you drink?
 Lady No.
 Man- where's your Fcukin airplane?

[Alan F.]

Lady- Do you drink beer?
 Man- Yes I do,
 Lady- how many per day?
 Man - 3
 Lady- how much do you pay?
 Man- $5 at the bar including tip
 Lady- how long have you been drinking?
 Man- about 20 years
 Lady- 3 beers a day is $450 a month, $5400 a year, in 20 years that's $108,000!
 Man- that sounds about right
 Lady- do you know that's enough, in savings with interest , you could have bought an airplane?
 Man- do you drink?
 Lady No.
 Man- where's your Fcukin airplane?

Have you been talking to my girlfriend?

[Alan F.]

here's another:

[70CB750]

Not sure what to cook?  How about bacon wrapped alligator with a whole chicken in it's mouth?

[Terry in Australia]

Lady- Do you drink beer?
 Man- Yes I do,
 Lady- how many per day?
 Man - 3
 Lady- how much do you pay?
 Man- $5 at the bar including tip
 Lady- how long have you been drinking?
 Man- about 20 years
 Lady- 3 beers a day is $450 a month, $5400 a year, in 20 years that's $108,000!
 Man- that sounds about right
 Lady- do you know that's enough, in savings with interest , you could have bought an airplane?
 Man- do you drink?
 Lady No.
 Man- where's your Fcukin airplane?

I love that Don. I went (against my wishes) to see a "Pain specialist last Thursday. Bottom line is I need more surgery, on my back this time, probably next month. No biggie, but the surgeon asked me if I drink? I said yep, around 1-1.5 litres of alcoholic Ginger Beer per day?

"What" he says, "That's too much, you need to reduce your alcohol intake!" I said, "Why's that Doc?" And he says that I'm drinking too much, and I need to slow down. I said, "I'm 61 years old, I'm physically fcuked after multiple injuries and illnesses, I have a great job that pays a 6 figure (USD) salary, two military pensions, my only hobby is building/riding motorcycles, and making my own home made ginger beer, so what's reducing my alcohol intake gonna do for me?" He looked at me and said, "Probably nothing". We agreed that I'd continue as is. I think I like him.    

[Alan F.]

That's cool Terry, many Doctors in the states want what they want because they said so, or so it seems.


Santa and Satan are spelled with the same letters, they both wear red and black. Have you ever seen them together.... Coincidence?

Everyone I knew who has died has been under a doctor's care.... Coincidence?

[grcamna2]

LOL 

[Don R]

  I hear that Terry,  I went to my yearly Dr. Visit last fall. I got shuffled into a different side of the clinic and found myself in a room with two women with hands on their hips asking me what (now) legal drugs I've been consuming. My reply, nothing we're going to talk about.
  I've spent years getting to know my Doctor and don't need a lecture or to be treated like I've been sent to the principals office over a half marijuana gummy. Will not happen next visit.

[Old Moe Toe]

YEAH!, I hear that too.
You can't assume anything about someone by how much booze, drugs (legal or not) they take.
You can only take them by what they say and what they do.
Plenty of F-WITS don't take anything.
Now!, why am I sitting on the toilet with my underpants full of vomit?.

[Terry in Australia]

YEAH!, I hear that too.
You can't assume anything about someone by how much booze, drugs (legal or not) they take.
You can only take them by what they say and what they do.
Plenty of F-WITS don't take anything.
Now!, why am I sitting on the toilet with my underpants full of vomit?.

Er, you accidentally pulled them over your head?

[34barab]

Not sure what to cook?  How about bacon wrapped alligator with a whole chicken in it's mouth?

Louisiana specialty?

[70CB750]

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.

He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there.

He asks if there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married.

The man replies, “Yes, I am.”

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife.

The guy says, “Sure,” and gets a photo to show them.

The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.”

The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."

[70CB750]

The London branch of Bank Leumi decides to carry out an audit of passwords used by their customers. To their surprise, they find that Harry Levy, one of their elderly customers, has regularly been using a very lengthy password. The password being used was:
AdamEveNoahMosesAbrahamIsaacJacobJosephJerusalem
So the office manager phones Harry. "Mr Levy," says the manager, "we’ve just discovered that you’re using an unnecessarily long password to get into your online account with us. Why did you choose such a long password?"
"I only did what I was instructed to do by your office," replies Harry.
"So what did they tell you to do?" asks the manager.
Harry replies, "They told me that the password had to be 8 characters long and had to include at least one capital."

[Don R]

 Knowledge is the one thing you can sell or give away and yet you still have it.

[Terry in Australia]

But of course if you tell everyone else, you eventually see some tool quoting you, but claiming it for himself........

[Don R]

 Fact.

[dave500]

i had a headache for years n years,woke up with one,went to bed with one,worked all day with one,id seen doctors and took all the tablets etc until one day id had enough and saw my doctor and said im gonna kill myself if this headache cant be fixed,he replied ok ok ok theres one thing that WILL work,ill have to remove your balls though,,i said ok,so next day i woke up with no balls and felt #$%*ing fantastic like id been reborn,strong fit and clear in the head,so i thought id get new trousers,ive never had tailor made pants before,i went to the best tailor in town with the best fabric and the best skill,hes so good he just looked me up n down no tape measure and said your a 92 waist and a 36 inseam,i said i always have a 34 inseam,he replied no thats too tight itll pull ya balls up and youll get a headache!!!

[70CB750]

Bill and Bob were out hunting one day when Bob suddenly keels over. In a panic Bill dials 911 on his cell phone and cries out that his friend just dropped dead. A helpful and calming voice on the other end of the line says, "I can help, but first you must make sure that your friend is really dead." After a brief silence the operator hears a gun shot. Bill returns to the phone and says, "Now what?"

[70CB750]

;

[RAFster122s]

 

[RAFster122s]

 

[grcamna2]

Prokop,I love that one about Loud Pipes !  LOL 

[Terry in Australia]

Bill and Bob were out hunting one day when Bob suddenly keels over. In a panic Bill dials 911 on his cell phone and cries out that his friend just dropped dead. A helpful and calming voice on the other end of the line says, "I can help, but first you must make sure that your friend is really dead." After a brief silence the operator hears a gun shot. Bill returns to the phone and says, "Now what?"

Magnificent!

[70CB750]

;