Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 157830 times)

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #450 on:** April 18, 2021, 02:42:17 PM »

Speaking of which, two oldies from my early days in the Army, before we all became “politically correct”:

Sign on bottom of cubicle door, “Beware of Limbo Dancers”.

Sign on cubicle wall, “Flush twice, it’s a long way to the Mess Hall”.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #451 on:** April 19, 2021, 03:17:21 AM »

To whoever stole my anti-depressants: I hope you're happy now.

Don R · « **Reply #452 on:** April 19, 2021, 09:14:34 AM »

I was doing a pipe weld job in the mechanical room under a swimming pool. People swimming there were looking through a porthole in the pool wall to see where the light was coming from. So I can truthfully say people have observed me welding while under water.

70CB750 · « **Reply #453 on:** April 20, 2021, 06:00:17 AM »

One day

Alan F. · « **Reply #454 on:** April 20, 2021, 08:58:16 AM »

And people think Vetters are heavy...

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #455 on:** April 21, 2021, 06:44:39 PM »

It was 22 years ago today that my brother ran into the waiting room, tears streaming down his face, shouting, “It’s a boy, it’s a boy!”.

We’ve never been back to Thailand since.....

dave500 · « **Reply #456 on:** April 22, 2021, 12:46:54 AM »

i asked an old brothel madam what the policy is on customers who complain?she replied #$%* the customers!

70CB750 · « **Reply #457 on:** April 22, 2021, 03:32:05 AM »

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.

She has selfie steam issues.

70CB750 · « **Reply #458 on:** April 22, 2021, 05:31:45 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #459 on:** April 25, 2021, 02:07:14 PM »

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:

“Are there any gators around here?!”

“No,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy:

“How did you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em."

Don R · « **Reply #460 on:** April 25, 2021, 10:04:03 PM »

Drove too long
Driver snoozing
What happened next
Is not amusing.

Burma Shave

Don R · « **Reply #461 on:** April 25, 2021, 10:05:38 PM »

Around the curve
Lickety split
A beautiful bike
Wasn't it?

Burma Shave

70CB750 · « **Reply #462 on:** April 29, 2021, 04:20:54 AM »

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #463 on:** April 29, 2021, 04:27:02 AM »

Quote from: 70CB750 on April 29, 2021, 04:20:54 AM

Ted Bundy?

I had my annual medical today, conducted by a pretty young doctor. Halfway through the medical she suddenly said, "Mr Prendergast", you're going to have to stop masturbating". Having had prostate surgery in 2018 with no follow up by the surgeon, I was worried. "Why's that doc, what's wrong?" She looked me in the eyes and said, "Because I'm trying to examine you".......... Oh, fair enough.

70CB750 · « **Reply #464 on:** April 29, 2021, 04:28:06 AM »

bear · « **Reply #465 on:** May 01, 2021, 07:34:00 PM »

Quote from: 70CB750 on April 20, 2021, 06:00:17 AM

One day

For some of us that day has already arrived.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #466 on:** May 02, 2021, 01:08:18 AM »

Quote from: 70CB750 on April 22, 2021, 05:31:45 AM

;

Yep, what a shame, I'd love a knuckle!

RAFster122s · « **Reply #467 on:** May 02, 2021, 04:13:41 PM »

My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3am. Can you believe it!? Luckily I was still up playing the drums.

RAFster122s · « **Reply #468 on:** May 02, 2021, 04:14:31 PM »

birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present...
I didn't get you one.

Don R · « **Reply #469 on:** May 02, 2021, 08:21:24 PM »

Roses are nice, violets are pleasant, you're getting this card instead of a present.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #470 on:** May 03, 2021, 04:11:12 AM »

Dear son, happy birthday! I intended to insert a check for 100 dollars, but I've already sealed the envelope.

Don R · « **Reply #471 on:** May 03, 2021, 06:54:44 AM »

More's Law of nature. If more is better, too much is just right. Normally why gasket sealer is an issue.

Terry in Australia · « **Reply #472 on:** May 03, 2021, 02:11:25 PM »

Yep, when it comes to gasket sealer, less is more! I’d rather have an oil weep than a ruined engine.

And it’s Starwars Day today in Oz, “May the Fourth be with you!”

70CB750 · « **Reply #473 on:** May 03, 2021, 03:43:46 PM »

"Dad! DAD! Look! I am 3D printer."

"How many times have I told you to close the door when you take a #$%*?"

dusterdude · « **Reply #474 on:** May 04, 2021, 03:15:28 AM »

Quote from: Terry in Australia on May 03, 2021, 02:11:25 PM

Yep, when it comes to gasket sealer, less is more! I’d rather have an oil weep than a ruined engine.

And it’s Starwars Day today in Oz, “May the Fourth be with you!”

Terry,it is now star wars day.you aussies are always a day early.may the fourth be with you!!!!

Sent from my LM-X420 using Tapatalk

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Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 157830 times)