Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.

[ofreen]

Who donated the panties in that version?

The way I heard it, it was a lady of ill repute brought in from the street, stretched out on the bar, and flipped over at his request, when after the first sniff, the carpenter was initially stumped .

[PeWe]

Another story
There were two twins, Per and Erik.
 Per was the owner of an old miserable boat.
 Now it happened that Erik's wife died on the same day that Per's boat sank.

 A few days later a kind old aunt met Per and mistook him for Erik and said: "I'm terribly sorry to hear of your loss, it must feel terrible."
Per, who thought she was talking about his boat, replied: “Well, the fact is I'm quite glad to be rid of her, she was rotten from the very beginning.

The lower part was completely torn and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was leaking all the time and had a big crack in the back and a nice big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her the hole just got bigger and bigger she began to leak even more.
I guess what finally ended her life was when I rented her out to four guys who wanted to go out and have some fun.

I warned them she was in pretty bad shape but they wanted her anyway.

Those idiots were all trying to get into her at the same time so she split open in the middle.
But what does that do, it's just a matter of starting to check the ads if you want to find a new one.

[grcamna2]

Another story
There were two twins, Per and Erik.
 Per was the owner of an old miserable boat.
 Now it happened that Erik's wife died on the same day that Per's boat sank.

 A few days later a kind old aunt met Per and mistook him for Erik and said: "I'm terribly sorry to hear of your loss, it must feel terrible."
Per, who thought she was talking about his boat, replied: “Well, the fact is I'm quite glad to be rid of her, she was rotten from the very beginning.

The lower part was completely torn and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was leaking all the time and had a big crack in the back and a nice big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her the hole just got bigger and bigger she began to leak even more.
I guess what finally ended her life was when I rented her out to four guys who wanted to go out and have some fun.

I warned them she was in pretty bad shape but they wanted her anyway.

Those idiots were all trying to get into her at the same time so she split open in the middle.
But what does that do, it's just a matter of starting to check the ads if you want to find a new one.

 

[Don R]

I saw a comedian who was recently in Japan, he said they sold used panties in a vending machine. His friend bought some, but it was a ripoff because the panties were new.

[Don R]

 Once again, I acquired a cheap vehicle because someone mixed nub top spark plugs with threaded type spark plugs.
  The first time it was a 68 VW beetle, this time it is a 98 Yamaha Zuma pit bike. I forget what I paid for the beetle but the seller was PO'ed when I drove it to work the next day.

[Kelly E]

Once again, I acquired a cheap vehicle because someone mixed nub top spark plugs with threaded type spark plugs.
  The first time it was a 68 VW beetle, this time it is a 98 Yamaha Zuma pit bike. I forget what I paid for the beetle but the seller was PO'ed when I drove it to work the next day.

A long time ago my buddy and I picked up a 74' Corvette for cheap from a car lot because it barely ran. It had a new intake manifold and we noticed the distributor was 180° out. That afternoon we reset the distributor and installed a new set of door panels. The next day we pulled into the car lot, the salesman came out so we told him about the distributor and gave him a smokey burnout as we left. 

[Don R]

 Fantastic,  Kelly! That tops a VW any day.

[grcamna2]

Once again, I acquired a cheap vehicle because someone mixed nub top spark plugs with threaded type spark plugs.
  The first time it was a 68 VW beetle, this time it is a 98 Yamaha Zuma pit bike. I forget what I paid for the beetle but the seller was PO'ed when I drove it to work the next day.

  !

[Don R]

  Every time I'm scrolling through a post, don't notice it's a blast from the past and Frank's googlie eye picture turns up, it makes me smile.

[ofreen]

gave him a smokey burnout as we left. 

A '74 Corvette was capable of doing a burnout?

[Kelly E]

gave him a smokey burnout as we left. 

A '74 Corvette was capable of doing a burnout?

Turned out it had a different cam, carb and intake installed. That's why the distributor was 180° out. But it took a touch of brake pedal to get it going.

[Don R]

 I borrowed this from facebook, sorry if it's yours.

 Why does it go to 11? Well because 11 is one more than 10. Everybody else only goes to 10, mine goes to 11 because it's one more.

[Don R]

 I would buy a tach face that was printed with that.

[grcamna2]

I borrowed this from facebook, sorry if it's yours.

 Why does it go to 11? Well because 11 is one more than 10. Everybody else only goes to 10, mine goes to 11 because it's one more.

What did that one come from;some industrial machine.. ?

[Kelly E]

I would buy a tach face that was printed with that.

So would I.

[Don R]

 I'm sure it came from some guy's brain, not a real machine, but like I said I snagged the pic off of F/B so how would I really know?

Didn't anyone catch the 10/11 quote?   

[Don R]

 I've heard oof porta pottys but this is a little too far.

[PeWe]

Someone had eaten something like a huge portion of pea soup,  lit a match to clean the air inside the toilet after a "job"?
Nearby airports might have radar recordings of an UFO?  

[grcamna2]

Someone had eaten something like a huge portion of pea soup,  lit a match to clean the air inside the toilet after a "job"?
Nearby airports might have radar recordings of an UFO?

Lol 

[Don R]

 The underpass has some interesting stories, the intersection there was called 5 points, a confusing 5 way stop, reportedly it was the beginning site of a running gun fight between the Illinois State Police and a couple of Al Capone's guys that had been laying low here in town, eventually they were allowed to escape.
 The shiny spot above the stop sign is an impact mark where a "too tall" load hit the 12' 6" sign that was there.
   A derailment dropped a train car on the other side, a cab driver said he heard a crash, felt the ground shake, looked in his mirror and saw the train car fall right behind his cab after he passed through.
  To the left was a gulf station where my brother gassed up his orange #11 1949 ford stock car before we went on an epic test ride through the country. We used #11 because it was the second easiest number to paint. He thought #1 was taken and would be presumptuous. 

[70CB750]

I borrowed this from facebook, sorry if it's yours.

 Why does it go to 11? Well because 11 is one more than 10. Everybody else only goes to 10, mine goes to 11 because it's one more.

Spinal tap comes to mind:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Up_to_eleven

[Don R]

I borrowed this from facebook, sorry if it's yours.

 Why does it go to 11? Well because 11 is one more than 10. Everybody else only goes to 10, mine goes to 11 because it's one more.

Spinal tap comes to mind:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Up_to_eleven

 BINGO!

[Don R]

 The neighbors are taunting me with their lawn tractors, on one side the leaves have fallen, on the other side not so much. The hired gun with the stand-on commercial mower made so much dust yesterday that I had to move my car project inside and close the door, now their leaves that fell in my yard (making them my leaves) leaves are doing their best to fill in the bald spot where he mowed their leaves into oblivion. Nothing will cure the problem because my Pin Oak will sprinkle leaves for the next 4 months anyway, the only way it will drop its leaves at once is if we have an ice storm. Now I'd love for those leaves to be dealt with but I can't bring myself to hope for an ice storm.
 The other side it's the same but that guy lives to mow. I think it's because when he's listening to the noise on the outside of his house, he can't hear the noise on the inside of his house. Maybe letting my leaves go over there gives him a momentary escape.
 Now do I waste a 50* day mowing leaves so other people will get to have the clean grass they worked and paid for, or do I get the satisfaction of working on one of my projects? 

[HondaMan]

The neighbors are taunting me with their lawn tractors, on one side the leaves have fallen, on the other side not so much. The hired gun with the stand-on commercial mower made so much dust yesterday that I had to move my car project inside and close the door, now their leaves that fell in my yard (making them my leaves) leaves are doing their best to fill in the bald spot where he mowed their leaves into oblivion. Nothing will cure the problem because my Pin Oak will sprinkle leaves for the next 4 months anyway, the only way it will drop its leaves at once is if we have an ice storm. Now I'd love for those leaves to be dealt with but I can't bring myself to hope for an ice storm.
 The other side it's the same but that guy lives to mow. I think it's because when he's listening to the noise on the outside of his house, he can't hear the noise on the inside of his house. Maybe letting my leaves go over there gives him a momentary escape.
 Now do I waste a 50* day mowing leaves so other people will get to have the clean grass they worked and paid for, or do I get the satisfaction of working on one of my projects? 

RIDE!
That's my vote...

[Don R]

 I rode all day yesterday so today I worked on getting my 40 chevy back together. The oil leak is fixed, new valve cover gaskets, the front clip is almost bolted on, there are just eight 5/16" bolts to go from the back of the fenders into the front rocker panel.