Topic: The BS post! Feel free to tell a fib with no fear of retribution, right here!

[Stev-o]

I love Mondays.  Had absolutely no fun over the weekend and could not wait for Monday morning so I could go back to work.
I love Mondays!

[Gene]

I'm very excited to be working in a building where there is no AC and no water today.  It sharpens my senses and ensures I do accurate, efficient work.

[vfourfreak]

I'm very excited to be working in a building where there is no AC and no water today.  It sharpens my senses and ensures I do accurate, efficient work.

And it goes without saying that your manager appreciates this fact, and will ensure it is rewarded with a handsome pay rise. Because managers care.

Kev

[70CB750]

I wish for warmer weather.

[74cb750]

Terry has made fun of my motorcycles' abilities, so I challenge him to a race anywhere in Australia and he can ride any bike he has that actually runs in the rain.
I will bet my weekly salary of $200.00 that I can beat him on my new to me, Honda Elite CH150. It is very fast now that I have waxed it and  the air flows around like lightning.
Terry,
please send 2 pre-paid round trip tickets, 2 weeks lodging at St. Jerome's, and a one way ticket for the monster machine you Think is a puffter bike. IF you dare.
Michel 

[Terry in Australia]

Terry has made fun of my motorcycles' abilities, so I challenge him to a race anywhere in Australia and he can ride any bike he has that actually runs in the rain.
I will bet my weekly salary of $200.00 that I can beat him on my new to me, Honda Elite CH150. It is very fast now that I have waxed it and  the air flows around like lightning.
Terry,
please send 2 pre-paid round trip tickets, 2 weeks lodging at St. Jerome's, and a one way ticket for the monster machine you Think is a puffter bike. IF you dare.
Michel 

That sounds like a fair challenge Michel, and your terms are quite reasonable. Now something to keep in mind is that the Northern Territory (a place so desolate that no-one wanted to hang around long enough to think of a better name) has no speed limits on it's one and only highway, (it's so inhospitable that road crews refuse to work there) so I think that's where we'll hold our "soon to be famous" race there, and the road is so straight (it's so fcuking hot there that no-one wanted to waste any time installing bends) your poofter bike will have plenty of time to get up to speed, only to eat the dust (it's so fcuking miserable in the NT that the road crews couldn't be bothered laying tarmac) of my chosen weapon, my twin engined bicycle.

Ansett Airline tickets are on their way Michel, Mick has kindly offered to put us all up at his place in Darwin (camping in the NT is great fun, just keep an eye out for Crocodiles, Taipans, venomous spiders, Dingos, Dropbears and a few other nasties that wander across his property) and Mick has even offered to loan us his Toyota Hilux ute (pickup) to collect the remains of your bike when it explodes at maximum warp, as long as he can keep the remains to customise his Honda CT110 Postie Bike? Geez, I better wax my leathers in anticipation! Cheers, Terry.

[mick7504]

This sounds like a deal of a lifetime.
I'll even deploy my own personal camera crew from my world famous television network to film this famous event for the upcoming documentary that is being subsidised by several multi millionaires that I rub shoulders with on a daily basis. 

[Terry in Australia]

Good on you Mick, I know we talked at length about this during our evening teleconference, but I thought it best that you broke the news about the doco.

I'm quite excited at the prospect of seeing Michel's poofter bike exploding like a little pink two wheeled handbag with a blokey hand grenade hidden inside in technicolor, from many different angles, while my magnificent twin engine powered bicycle roars past.

Sh1t, I might even do a Croz and double back and pick him up, and give him a dink over the finish line!

[Stev-o]

I just bought a dropbear for the family pet.  She's a cute little thing...

[Gene]

I just bought a dropbear for the family pet.  She's a cute little thing...

Bring it over - it can play with my Jackalope.

[mick7504]

I won my first cage fight the other day.
That fcuking budgie didn't know what hit it. 

[74cb750]

Terry has made fun of my motorcycles' abilities, so I challenge him to a race anywhere in Australia and he can ride any bike he has that actually runs in the rain.
I will bet my weekly salary of $200.00 that I can beat him on my new to me, Honda Elite CH150. It is very fast now that I have waxed it and  the air flows around like lightning.
Terry,
please send 2 pre-paid round trip tickets, 2 weeks lodging at St. Jerome's, and a one way ticket for the monster machine you Think is a puffter bike. IF you dare.
Michel 

That sounds like a fair challenge Michel, and your terms are quite reasonable. Now something to keep in mind is that the Northern Territory (a place so desolate that no-one wanted to hang around long enough to think of a better name) has no speed limits on it's one and only highway, (it's so inhospitable that road crews refuse to work there) so I think that's where we'll hold our "soon to be famous" race there, and the road is so straight (it's so fcuking hot there that no-one wanted to waste any time installing bends) your poofter bike will have plenty of time to get up to speed, only to eat the dust (it's so fcuking miserable in the NT that the road crews couldn't be bothered laying tarmac) of my chosen weapon, my twin engined bicycle.

Ansett Airline tickets are on their way Michel, Mick has kindly offered to put us all up at his place in Darwin (camping in the NT is great fun, just keep an eye out for Crocodiles, Taipans, venomous spiders, Dingos, Dropbears and a few other nasties that wander across his property) and Mick has even offered to loan us his Toyota Hilux ute (pickup) to collect the remains of your bike when it explodes at maximum warp, as long as he can keep the remains to customise his Honda CT110 Postie Bike? Geez, I better wax my leathers in anticipation! Cheers, Terry.

Ha! My bike has only one cyclinder not two, so....I think that means yours is a double poofter.

[Terry in Australia]

Hey hey hey, don't start dissing my manly twin engines bicycle Michel, or I'll send my cage fighting champion mate Mick over to sort you right out!

[scottly]

Well I'm in Adelaide again this week, for work of course, but hell, Adelaide is such a beautiful place, I probably would have come here anyway.

I flew Virgin Airlines by choice, and I really enjoyed my spacious seat and the friendly attitude of the two old ladies sitting beside me, who took it in turns to go for a wizz every 15 minutes for the entire 90 minute flight, meaning I had to keep getting out of my seat to let them thru. Don't you just love old people? They're great.

I arrived at the Europcar rental counter to pick up the Toyota Camry that someone had ordered for me, but was offered a Renault Koleos for only an extra 10 bucks a day. Hmmnnn, not understanding a word of French I assumed that the lady behind the counter was offering me the French version of a "Dirty Sanchez", so I thought, "Why not", but was even more delighted when I realised that she was referring to such a fine French Automobile.

Now some folks would "throw their hands in the air like they were filled with despair" and mutter things like "What a fcuking piece of Eurotrash", but not me. Hell, I know a guy who owns a 15 year old wog box, and it still goes, so they must be good! Alright, the constant drumming noise which increases with speed can be a mite distracting, and it took me a little while to understand that the ear splitting alarm that went off at every set of traffic lights I stopped at, was to tell me that the car was in "Drive", and so as to not damage the transmission and possibly save a thimble full of gas, I should move the shifter to "Neutral", which is a great idea, especially on hills. Those clever French, what will they think of next?

Of course, the Koleos is a front wheel drive SUV, which is obviously the best kind of car to own, especially on a wet road. Along with the loud mechanical noise and the constant beeping of the transmission alarm, the Renault would entertain me by attempting front wheel burnouts when making turns or changing lanes. Great fun! To further entertain the driver, (in my case, someone who'd never driven one before, but had to battle thru peak hour traffic in an unfamiliar city on my first outing) the power button for the interactive screen is hidden in amongst the radio's controls, obviously as a deterrent to car thieves not versed in the wonders of European cars.

I was lucky that a rather smelly English chap called Nigel who I think either worked for Europcar or perhaps the public service wandered over to help me after I waited for only 20 minutes or so while he smoked a cigarette or two and had a telephone argument with his wife Cheryl, who sounded lovely, if you blanked out the swear words..............

Once you've found the power button (page 177 of the owners manual, under "Audio Controls", thanks Nige!) there is a joy stick thingie that looks like it was designed to honour those wonderful computer games of the 80's, which you use to select between the various functions.

While visually stunning, it's placement on the console between the shifter lever and the arm rest does make for an exhilarating, but sometimes challenging time when trying to change radio stations whilst driving, or use the satnav, which on mine had no audio, so I had to narrate in my best French accent as I drove along. Of course, the only French phrases I know come from Monty Python films, so I had to use "Wipers of Donkeys bottoms" and "We surrender" to fill a lot of gaps.

Anyway, I'm here to help check a load of aircraft spares from the US Navy that were supposed to arrive yesterday, but DHL eventually returned my call this afternoon (well, 11 calls, but who's counting, they're Germans, and not arrogant arseholes at all) to advise that due to bad weather, the ship has been held up for 3 days, so it will be delivered just as I'm getting on the (Virgin again, lucky me!) return flight home on Friday, which means I've effectively wasted a week and several thousand hard earned tax payer dollars, and not only will I spend this week in Adelaide, but next week too! How lucky is that! I'm so happy, I feel like I've died and gone to heaven! 

You were in fine form when you wrote this, Terrence.

[Terry in Australia]

Thanks Scott, if I recall, I was "3 sheets to the wind" when I wrote that, I do my best work when I've had more liquor than A man should....

[evanphi]

I just bought a dropbear for the family pet.  She's a cute little thing...

Bring it over - it can play with my Jackalope.

And my chupacabra!

[BomberMann650]

I just bought a dropbear for the family pet.  She's a cute little thing...

Bring it over - it can play with my Jackalope.

And my chupacabra!

I captured and tamed a snipe a few years back, that little monster has been diggin holes in the yard ever since.

[Gene]

Sadly, there are no available pictures for the reclusive Snipe . . . but to anyone confused, here are the others.  All Authentic.

[evanphi]

SO CUDDLY.

[BomberMann650]

One of the early explorers illustration of the elusive snipe.  Featured in scientific enquirer bi-weekly.

Encounters with such beasts are harrowing.  Their shrill 'cacawburrrwhooEeAahEeAHhneesreefbumph' will send chills down the spine of all who wander the forest alone.

[Terry in Australia]

The Dropbear is the most savage of all Oz's savage beasts, without wanting to sound unkind, the other animals mentioned above are poofters compared to the awesomely fearsome Droppy.

That Jackalope looks like a doona on legs, the woody woodpecker thing would be a snack for a Droppy, and that Chuppa Chup thing would piss off quick if it ever had the misfortune of hearing the blood curdling bark of one of the NT's finest.

Sorry men, but you'll have to come back when you've got a decent monster.......

[Gene]

You, my dear Aussie friend, have never been gored by a Jackalope.

[Terry in Australia]

PFFFT! That thing couldn't gore it's way out of a wet paper bag! What a disgraceful attempt at big noting, to compare it to the most lethal of all monsters, the mighty Drop Bear! Ooh, and did I mention Hoopsnakes? Be warned, Oz is a savage land......

[scottly]

In the Mojave desert we occasionally found stick lizards. These crafty little buggers would carry a twig, and when the sand got too hot for their little tootsies, they would jam the stick into the sand and climb up it. After cooling off their feet, they would pull up the stick and continue on their way for a while. Cute little guys, and not nearly as dangerous as the lethal Mojave Green hoopsnake. (The Mojave Green really is lethal, no BS)

[MoMo]

(The Mojave Green really is lethal, no BS)

You know that is not allowed here Scott.  BS only, please refrain from facts ...Larry