Topic: Let it all hang out,tell us how you really feel and what pisses you off.

[Terry in Australia]

That's it Mick, auditors, public servants, whingers, they can all just Get Fcuked!

[Bailgang]

Being stuck in the middle drives me crazy. There's a fellow at work that often forgets his cell phone at home so he's always using my cell phone to call his phone and see if his wife will answer it and maybe sweet talk her into bringing it to work for him. It happened again the other day at first break and I guess his wife is getting tired of the situation so at lunch break my cell phone gets a text saying "Hello, this is Crystal I'm Dan's wife. Could you please tell him that if he's not smart enough to remember bringing his phone to work that maybe he could be smart enough to remember my cell phone number instead of calling his phone to get my attention?" I was a bit amused but I simply replied that I'd let him know and I then promptly showed him the text and gave him a lecture about remembering his wife's phone number.

[MoMo]

Being stuck in the middle drives me crazy. There's a fellow at work that often forgets his cell phone at home so he's always using my cell phone to call his phone and see if his wife will answer it and maybe sweet talk her into bringing it to work for him. It happened again the other day at first break and I guess his wife is getting tired of the situation so at lunch break my cell phone gets a text saying "Hello, this is Crystal I'm Dan's wife. Could you please tell him that if he's not smart enough to remember bringing his phone to work that maybe he could be smart enough to remember my cell phone number instead of calling his phone to get my attention?" I was a bit amused but I simply replied that I'd let him know and I then promptly showed him the text and gave him a lecture about remembering his wife's phone number.

that doesn't piss me off, that is funny...Larry

[70CB750]

Being stuck in the middle drives me crazy. There's a fellow at work that often forgets his cell phone at home so he's always using my cell phone to call his phone and see if his wife will answer it and maybe sweet talk her into bringing it to work for him. It happened again the other day at first break and I guess his wife is getting tired of the situation so at lunch break my cell phone gets a text saying "Hello, this is Crystal I'm Dan's wife. Could you please tell him that if he's not smart enough to remember bringing his phone to work that maybe he could be smart enough to remember my cell phone number instead of calling his phone to get my attention?" I was a bit amused but I simply replied that I'd let him know and I then promptly showed him the text and gave him a lecture about remembering his wife's phone number.

that doesn't piss me off, that is funny...Larry

+1, funny!

[Bailgang]

Being stuck in the middle drives me crazy. There's a fellow at work that often forgets his cell phone at home so he's always using my cell phone to call his phone and see if his wife will answer it and maybe sweet talk her into bringing it to work for him. It happened again the other day at first break and I guess his wife is getting tired of the situation so at lunch break my cell phone gets a text saying "Hello, this is Crystal I'm Dan's wife. Could you please tell him that if he's not smart enough to remember bringing his phone to work that maybe he could be smart enough to remember my cell phone number instead of calling his phone to get my attention?" I was a bit amused but I simply replied that I'd let him know and I then promptly showed him the text and gave him a lecture about remembering his wife's phone number.

that doesn't piss me off, that is funny...Larry

+1, funny!

A bit annoying but I thought it was funny too, he even asked me to save his wife's number on my phone being it's my phone he uses when he doesn't have his. 

[Demon67]

Scot that's like the old bit about Hey can I bum a ciggy off of ya, sure ok, say can I bum a light, all the while thinking to your self say how about a kick in the slats to get you breathing
Bill the demon.

[Bailgang]

Scot that's like the old bit about Hey can I bum a ciggy off of ya, sure ok, say can I bum a light, all the while thinking to your self say how about a kick in the slats to get you breathing
Bill the demon.

That's the annoying part of it all.

[seanbarney41]

Being stuck in the middle drives me crazy. There's a fellow at work that often forgets his cell phone at home so he's always using my cell phone to call his phone and see if his wife will answer it and maybe sweet talk her into bringing it to work for him. It happened again the other day at first break and I guess his wife is getting tired of the situation so at lunch break my cell phone gets a text saying "Hello, this is Crystal I'm Dan's wife. Could you please tell him that if he's not smart enough to remember bringing his phone to work that maybe he could be smart enough to remember my cell phone number instead of calling his phone to get my attention?" I was a bit amused but I simply replied that I'd let him know and I then promptly showed him the text and gave him a lecture about remembering his wife's phone number.

the piss off part is that the only person that is gonna call him on the phone he forgot is his wife....and I would be surprised if they have anything constructive or useful to say to each other anyway

[Demon67]

How about from wife breathe in breathe out from him breathe in, she being the brighter of the two will remember to breathe out.
Bill the demon.

[Terry in Australia]

I had a similar situation in my early Army days. I worked in a unit that had it's own bar, so after hours, you could have a drink for cheap, as booze was tax free for the military. Of course we had boozers/abusers who'd stay there every night until 10 pm when the duty barman had to close up.

One guy, John McKenzie, was a drunk. All his money went on booze and horse racing, so his wife, a nurse, raised their kids and paid the bills, while John acted like an 18 year old, propping up the bar each night, holding court, then driving home drunk.

I was duty barman one night (it was a rostered duty) and John was there as usual with the other bar flies. The phone rang (no cell phones in 1982) and a very angry Mrs McKenzie was on the line looking for John. Now this happened all the time, and the standard operating procedure was to tell her that he'd just left, so I did that, but she replied, "Don't lie for him, he doesn't deserve your loyalty, put him on."

I passed the phone to him, and he looked really pissed off as he went thru what sounded like a standard reply, "yes love, leaving now, blah blah blah", as she gave it to him over the phone. He then threw the phone back at me, finished his beer and stormed out.

He outranked me, so I couldn't tell him what I thought of him, but I think he got the idea. As far as I know, he eventually drank himself to death, pretty common in the services. 

[OldSchool_IsCool]

Being stuck in the middle drives me crazy. There's a fellow at work that often forgets his cell phone at home so he's always using my cell phone to call his phone and see if his wife will answer it and maybe sweet talk her into bringing it to work for him. It happened again the other day at first break and I guess his wife is getting tired of the situation so at lunch break my cell phone gets a text saying "Hello, this is Crystal I'm Dan's wife. Could you please tell him that if he's not smart enough to remember bringing his phone to work that maybe he could be smart enough to remember my cell phone number instead of calling his phone to get my attention?" I was a bit amused but I simply replied that I'd let him know and I then promptly showed him the text and gave him a lecture about remembering his wife's phone number.

that doesn't piss me off, that is funny...Larry

+1, funny!

A bit annoying but I thought it was funny too, he even asked me to save his wife's number on my phone being it's my phone he uses when he doesn't have his. 

Put her phone number into your phone under the name "One Hot Fvck". That'll piss Dan off!

[mick7504]

Bugs piss me off. 

[Terry in Australia]

I woke up at 2 am and went for a piss. Some movement to my left caught my eye, it was a massive spider crawling down the open ensuite door. I grabbed some toilet paper and smacked the spider, while quickly wrapping him in the paper, flicked him into the bowl, and consigned him to a watery grave. God only knows what evil mischief he would have gotten up to had I not awoken from my slumber........

[mick7504]

We get a lot of these Huntsman Spiders cruising around the joint especially when the Wet Season starts to build up.
I just dunno what the attraction is to toilets for these buggers but they always seem to appear when you're sitting there minding your own business and tryin' to lay an egg.

One of the ol' mates favourite party tricks was to chew them up and then spit the legs out.
That use to freak the sheilas out and was as funny as fcuk until he got bitten on the tongue one night.
He didn't play that party trick anymore after that episode and that pissed us off when he gave it away. 

[mick750F]

   Not having enough time to post here regularly really pisses me off. The fact that you're all here having a jolly ol' time pissing and moaning without my input truly pisses me off. You can all GFY! Ahhhh...I feel better now, who has the beer? Oh, wrong thread? I have to go to the dive bar for a beer? GFY

[petercb750]

Report to moderator. ....please ban all pictures of spiders 
It pisses me off and causes me to poo my pants.

[Terry in Australia]

You're such a woose Pete, the massive spider I dispatched last night wasn't a pissy Huntsman, it was some evil looking black beast with huge fangs, an articulated body and red eyes that glowed in the half light. Before I sent it to it's watery grave, it confessed that it's family of several hundred have been breeding under your bed! Sweet dreams, spider bait.......

[mick7504]

Report to moderator. ....please ban all pictures of spiders 
It pisses me off and causes me to poo my pants.

Sh1t, sorry Pete.
I forgot that you weren't a big fan of spiders.
But they are only fluffy little hairy creatures that have been blessed upon us by the Big Fella.

Much the same as those fluffy fcuken four legged fcukas that make that purring noise that piss me off.
I'd much rather have a pet Rattle Snake curled up on the end of the bed instead of a fcuken cat. 

[Terry in Australia]

Cats are grouse Mick, and love eating Spiders. Pete should get a whole pride of them to protect him from what's lurking under his bed........

[mick7504]

That's probably not a bad idea mate.
At least it might prevent the nasties from sneaking out in the middle of the night.
You just never know who might pop in for a visit. 

[Terry in Australia]

That's right Mick, Felix, my black water melon shaped warrior of the night would make short work of that arachnid, and then take on a feathered Sky Beast, just for fun.......

[Terry in Australia]

I think Pete's fainted, which is inconvenient, as I need an insurance quote on a new Ford Territory..........

[Terry in Australia]

The cubicles in men's toilets piss me off. They should be completely sound proofed, as whenever I go to drop the kids off at the pool, I find the whole process both embarrassing and hilarious, in equal, er, dollops.

Men's cubicles are only for doing number two's. A real man will never use the cubicle for anything but taking a load off his mind, unless he is suffering from terminal constipation, which usually results in just as much hilarity for me when there's tooting coming from every cubicle.

Today, I walked along the row of cubicles, trying to find one as far as possible from the other occupied cells, so as to (hopefully) muffle the noise of my pre-poop farting. I'd only just sat down, when the door in the adjoining cubicle slammed shut, followed by the sound of pants dropping, and some raucous farting.

I tried to time my emissions with that of my new neighbour, but after awhile I was reminded of Derek and Clives' famous "Farting Contest", and I muttered to myself "And the gun goes off", which my neighbour heard, and started laughing out loud.

I used his laughter to camouflage my own farting, while at the same time laughing like a loon. Before long, the whole bank of cubicles were (possibly literally) pissing themselves, and there was a continual artillery barrage. Having finished my business, and by now slightly high on the cloud of methane wafting around my cubicle, I made good my escape.

As much as it was an enjoyable experience, it was nonetheless, an experience I could do without. I believe that men's cubicles should undergo a complete redesign, folks defecating should neither be seen, nor heard...........    

[petercb750]

I think Pete's fainted, which is inconvenient, as I need an insurance quote on a new Ford Territory..........

Just been released from ward 5a at the RAH.....they said to keep taking the tablets and not to go out at night. Thanks a fkn gutsful blokes 

[Terry in Australia]

What? There's no internet in the psyche ward Pete? Anyway, glad your back mate, don't forget to spray under your bed tonight!