Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.

[HondaMan]

The former Maytag plant had a vending machine with warm canned soup in it. Chili con carne was the favorite with my apprentices. The only hot canned food machine I ever saw. I knew I was running a big job because it was me and five apprentices.
 

Now, THAT's cool!

[Don R]

 When your wife spends all afternoon looking for the cursor on the computer and the AA batteries in the mouse are dead.

[70CB750]

When your wife spends all afternoon looking for the cursor on the computer and the AA batteries in the mouse are dead.

Last week on my private laptop. The cursor would freeze for several minutes.  Took me a week to figure that one out.  Nothing to see here - I make living in IT.   

[madmtnmotors]

When your wife spends all afternoon looking for the cursor on the computer and the AA batteries in the mouse are dead.

Last week on my private laptop. The cursor would freeze for several minutes.  Took me a week to figure that one out.  Nothing to see here - I make living in IT.   

I had to give up on the cordless mice for this very reason!

[grcamna2]

When your wife spends all afternoon looking for the cursor on the computer and the AA batteries in the mouse are dead.

Last week on my private laptop. The cursor would freeze for several minutes.  Took me a week to figure that one out.  Nothing to see here - I make living in IT.   

I had to give up on the cordless mice for this very reason!

I new style of 'mouse trap'. 

[70CB750]

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.  After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."

[jgger]

Bawhahaha! And that ,my friends, is the rest of the story!

[BenelliSEI]

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.  After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."

Thanks, made me laugh out loud!

[dave500]

bit long but for years and years I had a headache,went to bed with one,woke up with one,had one all day,I tried every thing,pain killers,acupuncture,massage,stress management nothing worked!so I went to my doctor and pleaded there must be something you can do?he said only if we cut your balls off itll go away,I said ok!I woke from the operation and felt fantastic!reborn,revitalized so I thought I spoil myself with an expensive tailor made suit!I went to the best place I could find,as soon as I walked in the tailor says i can see your a 28 inch inseam,I said no i always wear 26,he said thats too tight itll squash your balls up and youll get a headache!

[Don R]

 My wife has been watching Dateline too much. Tonight, after we ate, she thanked me for not throwing my dinner across the kitchen, and shooting her, and cutting her up. She still won't go near my weight bench, I think it was something she saw on that show.

[jgger]

bit long but for years and years I had a headache,went to bed with one,woke up with one,had one all day,I tried every thing,pain killers,acupuncture,massage,stress management nothing worked!so I went to my doctor and pleaded there must be something you can do?he said only if we cut your balls off itll go away,I said ok!I woke from the operation and felt fantastic!reborn,revitalized so I thought I spoil myself with an expensive tailor made suit!I went to the best place I could find,as soon as I walked in the tailor says i can see your a 28 inch inseam,I said no i always wear 26,he said thats too tight itll squash your balls up and youll get a headache!

WHOOPS!

[grcamna2]

bit long but for years and years I had a headache,went to bed with one,woke up with one,had one all day,I tried every thing,pain killers,acupuncture,massage,stress management nothing worked!so I went to my doctor and pleaded there must be something you can do?he said only if we cut your balls off itll go away,I said ok!I woke from the operation and felt fantastic!reborn,revitalized so I thought I spoil myself with an expensive tailor made suit!I went to the best place I could find,as soon as I walked in the tailor says i can see your a 28 inch inseam,I said no i always wear 26,he said thats too tight itll squash your balls up and youll get a headache!

WHOOPS!

Yup 

[Don R]

 Buddy Hackett told that one on the Tonight show once. That one is funnier than the duck hunter story, it starts at 3 minutes.

[dhall57]

#$%*ter's Full
Me and my son with Cousin Eddie

[grcamna2]

#$%*ter's Full
Me and my son with Cousin Eddie

I like those lights 

[ekpent]

Just a quick public service reminder !!

[Don R]

 Remember, don't take your laxatives with Holy water.
 You could start a religious movement. 

[RAFster122s]

Remember, don't take your laxatives with Holy water.
 You could start a religious movement. 

Wish I could say that was funny, I #$%* you not! 
 

[70CB750]

Remember, don't take your laxatives with Holy water.
 You could start a religious movement.

Lol!

[RAFster122s]

People who miss their moms and still feel the sting of death might not react well.. Maybe it needs a Yo Manna so far joke below it to get everyone in the spirit it was intended so they don't break into tears about you talking about their poorly departed beloved mom, now she's gone they forgot Bout the abusive traits and put her on a pedestal and remember her not in reality...there are those dysfunctional types who do that, best to back away slowly from them and speak in a calm soothing voice... Was trying to twist it into something funny maybe I should quit trying. Yeah I guess people do say I'm very trying all the time. I don't quite get what they mean. Do feel like I'm channeling SoyBoySigh yet. Genius stream of random bizarre humor sometimes but so alone and hurting I'm afraid he was.
Greg I am just playing but Christmas does make it hard for people who have lost their moms being a year or more or less. Losing your mom really hurts us men. Dads aren't easy either but Moms can be really devastating.
I thought it funny and will share it but trying to be sensitive and caring about my fellow men and women who are going through 1st Christmas without their parent, just be there for your friends say those words, if they need to talk about they will, you listen, no need to say anything, be.a sounding board so they can express the anguish or pain they feel, you cannot fix them. If you have lost a parent you can tell them about what it was like for you. Time will make the hurt hurt less but a close friend or parent you never get over, You adapt and move forward.
Life is messy, everyone's life is messy in different ways. Show compassion best you can with others and realize holiday season is hard and suicides peak after the holidays when someone has nothing to look forward to or little to no hope. Be a good friend to your old friends or anyone who tickles your Spidey Sense of they were down before holidays and perk up they maybe planning to kill themselves after the holidays. You never see it unless you are observant and you being kind and friendly to them could be the little help and being seen that gives them the will to move on with their life and gives them a spark of hope. I've been in their shoes, with the plan and I came to the brink of the precipice and nearly stepped off into death. It is a hard hard hard time of year for so many.
David

Thanks for the funny meme Greg, buddy that did flight manuals for C130J and is frequent flyer might get a good laugh from it!

[RAFster122s]

Haha, nope, or as the Aussies will cure you of being too soft, they are gonna tell you to "take a spoonful of cement and harden the #$%*.up!"
I love the Aussies and their non PC society where it's open season 9n everybody with the verbal jabs and teasing all in interest of keeping everyone's heads on straight and their feet grounded..., life's tough, Adapt and move on!

Yeah I'm what people would call fat. Not knowing me I won't be offended by you. Probably wouldn't if I knew you and you told me to lose some f-- weight. I've dropped 30 pounds in past 3-4 months and on track to drop another 10 this month if I can get over this virus that's put me in bed hard all weekend through today.
My insurance virtual care team put me in antibiotics and a nebulizer tonight as my doctor is worthless. She's fired and I am starting a new one Jan 1, 2024.
Totally doesn't listen or see what she should have done Wednesday afternoon was antibiotics and the nebulizer.

Yeah, pissed off thread material..I'll post there after returning to getting new bottle of Delsym.

Merry Christmas all and Happy New Year! May we all make it to the New Year and be safe and our health improve in the coming year. Eat your veggies boys and get your exercise and build or maintain core strength this winter, your time on the bike will be more enjoyable your health will be better for the higher veggie consumption and you are probably going to feel better too... Not just potato's, leafy green and other green veggies, an occasional salad and don't smother it in fatty heart killing dressing, otherwise your nutrition is crap from the salad if you bury it in heart killer carbs and fats...

Love this forum and most of you brothers from another mother, but damn do some of you get under my skin, yeah I m thinking of a particular Dutchman whom shall not be named. Hahaha

Be well, stay safe and eat your damn veggies!  Goes for you too Greg! 😁😁🤣😋
 Well gotta go get

[scottly]

I'm lucky that my Mom will celebrate her 96th birthday this week!!
We always exchange humorous birthday cards; one time she sent me a card that read on the front "At your age, you can still do 15 pull-ups", and on the inside it said "Of course, if you would stop falling off the bar-stool, you wouldn't have to".
This year I sent her a card that said "A pessimist sees a glass of wine as half empty, while an optimist sees the same glass as half full". On the inside, An opportunist says "Hey, free wine!!"

[BenelliSEI]

Merry Christmas!

[70CB750]

"Up yours!" - from the designer to mechanics. 

Reminds me of Camry water pump on the timing belt.

[madmtnmotors]

Reminds me of Camry water pump on the timing belt.

HA! I just did one of those this weekend!