Topic: Evening boyfriend drama

[Raul CB750K1]

Derek, I don't get what do you have to talk with his father about. If the boy is of legal age, he is responsible for his deeds, and i think he is old enough to understand something is wrong, even if the advice doesn't come from his own father.

Probably a chat with your daughter is in order too, if not by you at least by your wife. After all you are responsible for your daughter, and is she the one who have to understand that if you do some things, you should be old enough to bear with the consequences if they happen.

[Frankenkit]

I agree with Raul that the chat might be best between mother/daughter.  I always understood my dad's talks, but it meant more coming from my mom because she was a young girl once, too (presumably).

[noahspop]

Kit,
Good call.
I always missed out on the father/son talks because of growing up with my mother being a single parent. I guess thats why I cried during the movie the Notebook.

[seaweb11]

Derek, I don't get what do you have to talk with his father about. If the boy is of legal age, he is responsible for his deeds, and i think he is old enough to understand something is wrong, even if the advice doesn't come from his own father.

Probably a chat with your daughter is in order too, if not by you at least by your wife. After all you are responsible for your daughter, and is she the one who have to understand that if you do some things, you should be old enough to bear with the consequences if they happen.

I have now had 2 talks with my daughter about this and I am not done yet.
 I see no reason his parents "he still lives at home in grade 12" should not be made aware of what is going on?

Did you get the opinion that I was blaming his son for all this  
I get that this is 2 kids in their 1st romance. I do get it Raul.
Would I not be sticking my head in the sand not to at least communicate with his parents? .........That was a rhetorical question.

[ieism]

You can talk al you want, but i'm not so sure it makes any difference. If you succeed in talking the hormones out of their bodies, perhaps you can have a chat with my girlfriend about oh say, once a month too.....

When parents say "my daughter is not ready for this, she's too young", that usually means the parents are not ready for it and are getting old.
Thinking back to when I was a kid, I didn't see anything wrong messing around. I'm sure it's different when it's your kid though....

[noahspop]

ieism,
In Seaweb's defense he is doing the right thing. Some parents are not involved in their children's lives. They are afraid of hurting their children's feelings. Sorry, but my house my rules. She will thank you later down the road.
ieism,
Untill you have a daughter of your own, you have now clue on how to handle the situation. I'm just thankful for having boys...for now (one in the oven). I will do my best to raise them to be respectful.

[seaweb11]

" Sorry, but my house my rules. She will thank you later down the road."
Thanks.

 Meeting with kids father went well. We all just want the best for our kids.

Chem 11 and Math 11 grades are also slipping around here so some changes were already in the works.
Weekends only now.

It's our job as parents to help them along the way to what will become their own lives.
His father and I were so on the same page

[sangyo soichiro]

Untill you have a daughter of your own, you have now clue on how to handle the situation.

Sorry to single this out, but I hate it when stuff like this is said.  Having something does not make you an expert on it.  There are childless people that would make much better parents than others that already have kids.

[seaweb11]

I almost forgot.
I edited the boyfriend rules on this thread and printed them out. Gave them to the boys father and he agreed with them, took it with him to pass along   Kind of tongue in cheek, but at least we are on the same wave length.

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness.  Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Retro Rocket]

" Sorry, but my house my rules. She will thank you later down the road."
Thanks.

 Meeting with kids father went well. We all just want the best for our kids.

Chem 11 and Math 11 grades are also slipping around here so some changes were already in the works.
Weekends only now.

It's our job as parents to help them along the way to what will become their own lives.
His father and I were so on the same page

Good stuff Seaweb.....+1000

Mick

[gregimotis]

...and then you total your parents very nice CJ-5...

(Gregimotis weeps silently in the corner)

[seaweb11]

Sorry Greg, I'll see if I can find a photo of it upside down on the beach for you

[Really?]

Kewl, glad you took that well seaweb!  I wasn't too sure how it would be taken.

Great that it may have helped out the chat!

[gregimotis]

Kewl, glad you took that well seaweb!  I wasn't too sure how it would be taken.

Great that it may have helped out the chat!

I waited until after the important stuff seemed resolved.
 The other important stuff, I mean.

 A CJ...

[ofreen]

When parents say "my daughter is not ready for this, she's too young", that usually means the parents are not ready for it and are getting old.
Thinking back to when I was a kid, I didn't see anything wrong messing around. I'm sure it's different when it's your kid though....

Well, it is fairly common that "messing around" leads to some negative consequence, whether it is pregnancy, venereal disease, or at least a lot of drama.  And it is the parents have to deal with it.  It reminds me of one of my daughter's friends.  At 15, she was anxious to lose her cherry.  The kid she did it with was 18 and gave her genital warts right out of the box.  No pun intended.  

[The_Crippler]

Oh, that was intended and you know it.   

[bill440cars]

      Derek, my hat's off to you! Job well done! Too many times some parents just throw up there hands and say something like, Kids will be Kids!  

      I'm liking Tipper's rules too! 

[seaweb11]

I don't take my child rearing responsibilities lightly.

All this stuff happens over a very short period of time. I have always directed my efforts on bringing a responsible human being into the world. I don't want to be her friend and buddy. I;m her Dad "Father",  I'm here to make sure she does the best that she can amongst a lot of outside interferences.

This was not meant as a "what should I do"  thread. I just found it something worth sharing with other Parents here.

[bill440cars]

      And I, for one, think you did quite well too!

     

[Spikeybike]

who in there right mind hands the keys to a CJ over to an 18 year old ... granted the CJ-5 is not the cream of the crop but still ...   an XJ, or an SJ fine take it    .... but a CJ, no way

[bucky katt]

good to know youre all on the same page Derek. you handled this way better than i would have i think. i wouldnt have physically hurt him but he would have been driving home without his clothes.

[mrblasty]

Thats pretty cool.  When my high school girlfriends parents found out we were knockin' boots they were all ready to get the police involved like it was a rape case.  We had been going at it for months by that time.  I had career and freedom ending dirt on them both so it never went that far, but damn it was a close call.  I'm glad to to hear you except that teenagers are what they are and didn't feel the need to ruin a young mans future to protect your daughters.  Good luck with her, sounds like she might actually like her parents after she grows up and becomes her own person.  That can be the tricky part. 

[Raul CB750K1]

This was not meant as a "what should I do"  thread. I just found it something worth sharing with other Parents here.

Props to you Derek for doing that. Usually, people don't share their embarrassing stories, but yours had provoked good food for thought, because many of us will go through the same situation sooner or later, and it is good to be ready for it.

Calm conversation is always better than heated discussion in the heat of the moment, I also think you have handled the situation in the best way. Our kids having their first experiences is always a delicate subject. "My house my rules" doesn't always work. I mean, you can set a rule that "no sex in my house" but you can't set a rule of "no sex". Also, the fact that a guy still leaves with his parents shouldn't have to do with his sexual life. I mean, there is people that, for whatever reason, had been unable to live by their own and are forced to live with their parents. They have the right to have their own sexual life, and the parents need to understand that, even when their boy still lives with them doesn't mean that he is a boy anymore, but a man -or woman-.

If I catch my 16-yr-old in a compromising situation, I surely would do what you have done. But in four years, even if I see my daughter as the little girl she used to be, I guess I should have to leave quietly and let her be a woman in full, after all a house is always better than a backseat in the middle of nowhere.

[Old75_ratafe]

All I'm gonna say is it wasn't all that long ago I was that age and my parents brought me up with enough respect to not be fooling around with a girl in her parents house  WITH her parents home not to mention in the dads tool area.  And if he's immature enough that when he gets busted he peals out in the dads driveway and then, rolls his vehicle because he was asked to leave.... Yea defiantly not adult enough where parents have no business being involved.

[BIKE]

I don't take my child rearing responsibilities lightly.

All this stuff happens over a very short period of time. I have always directed my efforts on bringing a responsible human being into the world. I don't want to be her friend and buddy. I;m her Dad "Father",  I'm here to make sure she does the best that she can amongst a lot of outside interferences.

Well said.  You did the right thing IMO.